creative_writerSenior Contributor
Listening to triggering music
Why do I keep doing this to myself?
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Listening to triggering music
656 replies
In response to: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@tyme it triggers an inescapable issue. Regardless of whether I go or not, I’m still going to feel unworthy. I’m only going for a bit since my parents suggested it. They think I need to be more connected with community. I may be hiding a lot, but if people knew about my trauma, wouldn’t they think less of me? Aren’t you meant to save yourself for marriage? I don’t feel worthy being present in a community of people who are far worthier than me
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
tymeModerator
Re: Listening to triggering music
Hey @creative_writer , do you feel the thoughts you have just expressed to be 'helpful'? Would you consider reframing them to be more helpful for you?
I am not disregarding what you are feeling, but I feel there are ways to re-examine how you are feeling right now.
This may be an avenue to find support with with a therapist.
As much as possible, we try to keep the forums recovery-oriented so that it can also benefit the community reading alone.
Feel free to ask anything if you have questions about this.
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@tyme look I can reframe thoughts, but it doesn’t mean I’ll believe it. I can say it wasn’t my fault and I’m not to blame, but can I really believe that right now? maybe not. My brain isn’t running on logic right now. That’s where I’m stuck. No matter how many times I tell myself, the belief won’t shake itself off. My mind is just going on “maybe you should’ve acted when you saw the initial warning signs”. I can’t convince my mind otherwise, I don’t even know what to do. You can’t stop fate, but we must also take precautions
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
tymeModerator
Re: Listening to triggering music
Absolutely @creative_writer . Then again, reframing isn't about lying to yourself and telling yourself things that you don't feel are true.
Consider how many hours you've spent ruminating on these thoughts and thereby strengthening that part of your brain?
When you feel up to it, then consider how much MORE effort is required to balance other parts of your brain and exercise those parts that a potentially underutilised?
Have you ever had TMS?
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@tyme I don’t even know how to begin to get out of this. These obsessive OCD thoughts are hard to shake off. It took me a long time to realise I may have OCD going on here. I don’t even know where to start to undo it all to be honest. My pdoc does say I’m making progress, but I sometimes find myself stuck in loops like today. There is this little voice in head telling me I ignored the early warning signs. There is a voice telling me if I was a better person and took action I could’ve prevented it. I do accept it was in my fate and that’s why it happened. I regret not taking enough precautions. I could’ve done more. My honour is more important than even my life. I wanted to protect my honour.
I haven’t tried TMS and I haven’t ever done ECT either. It’s only ever been meds and therapy
I haven’t tried TMS and I haven’t ever done ECT either. It’s only ever been meds and therapy
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@tyme ultimately I just feel like a sinner right now for not taking precautions
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
tymeModerator
Re: Listening to triggering music
Who hasn't made a mistake before? @creative_writer I know I have. Plenty of times. Do I regret it? Yes. Am I a sinner? Yes.
But can I change what I've done in the past, even if it's my fault? No.
This seems to be what is holding you back. It's so hard to see you wallowing in the pain of the past. It's not fair on you. You are much more than these thoughts. You are more powerful than these thoughts. You CAN move past these and build the life you want.
I believe in you @creative_writer .
Please be kind to yourself.
Yet if something isn't working, don't try harder - try something different.
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@tyme it is true we all make mistakes. I’m just afraid I have made a huge mistake. I am at that point in life where I need to look for a partner. Let’s say I did find a partner theoretically, how am I supposed to let him know I lost my honour by not taking adequate precautions? I know it wasn’t consensual but still.
Right now my brain isn’t braining. These germs aren’t helping. I’m on my second course of antibiotics
Right now my brain isn’t braining. These germs aren’t helping. I’m on my second course of antibiotics
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
tymeModerator
Re: Listening to triggering music
If they truly love you, will that be the deciding factor? @creative_writer As you said, it wasn't consensual.
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@tyme I don’t how to respond to that, first instinct is to cry. You don’t have to worry, you didn’t upset me, my emotions are just running high right now
