Listening to triggering music

@Jynx at least I don’t have too many commitments. Though I really should start volunteer work online training and should be applying for jobs.

I am guilty of doom scrolling, I find myself listening to depressing music. Once you listen to too much depressing music, you get caught into the loop. Though I do get other content on my feed like cat videos. The internet know I love cat videos, and I’ve been getting a lot of cool dresses on my feed too.

I don’t even know what all my childhood emotions are. I had to go through little ts as a kid, e.g., bullying, emotional invalidation and emotional neglect. It was hard growing up with a parent who has diagnosable mental illness

@creative_writer perhaps! Be wary of 'shoulding' all over yourself 😝 I think if you're this sick, taking time away from the stresses of job hunting and having to sustain mental focus on training is not just valid, but would probably come doctor recommended too!

Music is such an interesting one to me... cos like, pretty sure all my friends who are metal heads are some of the NICEST and most GENTLE people - I have this theory it's because they are able to express/process a lot of anger through the music (and the headbanging ahaha) because that kind of music provides a 'safe' outlet for these emotions.

On the flipside, it sounds like you're feeling like listening to depressing music is kinda, contributing to that mood being perpetuated? Hmm... I mean if we apply the same logic, do you think the music is making you sadder, or is it just providing an outlet for sadness that needed to come out anyway? I really don't know!! Would love to hear your take!!

@Jynx though I do have online training to do, then again I do have time till it’s due.

Music is a tricky one, I think it depends on quantity. Spending some time listening to depressing music is different to spending too much time listening ti depressing music. It’s a bit addictive because I don’t feel like I get that validation and understanding from people in my current real life. I have become very distant from people too, and it feels too awkward messaging people I haven’t approached or haven’t approached me for months. Uni was hectic last year, and my old friends lives were hectic too, so we naturally just grew apart. I don’t know if we have changed too much as people. I rather let go of relationships than feel lonely in a friendship. The only people I have been in contact with are people from the social work course

@creative_writer I totally get that feeling, in fact I am very much guilty of having a whole bunch of messages I haven't responded to because I can't look at em without feeling guilty 😬😅

I will say though, if any of em are ND they probably won't mind at all!! It's like, idk a thing in the communuity where you can be apart for 5 years and come back together and it's like no time has passed. You got anyone who might be like that?

I do totally agree that it is better to be alone than to feel lonely and disconnected whilst with a person. Are these old friends people who you do think you'd miss? Would it be worth the risk to reconnect and just see if there's any sparkage?

@Jynx except it might be them who forgot to respond. I don’t personally feel as connected with them, so maybe we sort of naturally drifted off. It does mean I have less social interactions now with others. I don’t know if I’ve just changed too much, or they’ve changed. Or perhaps my expectations are different. I do believe that it’s hard to maintain a friendship over messages. It’s practically impossible to meet with those friends face to face. Face to face interactions feel so much more natural and I think adds to the strength of the friendship.

I don’t know if it’s worth reconnecting, I just don’t know if that spark is just lost, at least at this point in time. I think it’s been easier to talk to people in my course because I was seeing them in classes

@creative_writer yeah totally fair, if you're not feeling it you're not feeling it!!

You catch up with any of your uni friends?

@Jynx I saw them on graduation and then I went overseas. I haven’t been able to leave the house much since I got back. My fever hasn’t been good today and I finished my antibiotics this morning. It probably peaked a bit higher today. I don’t know what’s going on. I have an appointment with a different doc tomorrow since my regular is booked out for almost two weeks. It’s like really hot today and I was shivering. I do want to catch up once I’m okay. I have also taken PRN because I feel mentally agitated. It’s not fun being sick or even waking up in sweats. I finally took a shower today, but I sort of wish I took it in the morning before the fever spike, it was so exhausting

@creative_writer

🫣🥺🫂

Bebs!! This is what my mum would call being 'in the trenches' (and then she'd sing this funny lil song at me which in hindsight was...pretty invalidating, lol) - you're getting hit left right n centre!!

Like yaaaay you graduated you're finally free! Free to.... oh, stay in bed suffering? Coooool

@Jynx maybe the high level of stress has caught up with my body. I probably need an easier year for my mind and body.

I don’t even know I did last year, I just did. I just hope with time I recover, because this isn’t helping my mental health

@creative_writer yeah for sure!! We all need to be able to slow down from time to time!!

How are you keeping yourself occupied whilst getting stomped on by microscopic bastards?