Listening to triggering music

@tyme I honestly don’t even know how my mum managed her past sinus infections with three kids. It can hit hard.

I’ll probably apply broadly, but I do think I have to be choosy on the job. You are right the job application process can be a lot of work. I am also expecting Centrelink to get back to me to inform me of how many jobs I need to apply per month. I prefer something that won’t be super stressful like hospitals, part time option is probably best and flexible option is preferred. I don’t want to move too fast and burn out. Work can be harder for ND people

Haven't you heard? Mothers 'can't' get sick? @creative_writer

It's amazing that when people think mums just can't get sick... or more so, they just have to push through it. Not easy.

@tyme society places too much expectations on mothers, it’s not fair. Mothering is equivalent to working 2.5 full time jobs.

I’m lucky I’m taken care of. I don’t have to worry about cooking food or buying it. The only times I’ve been out lately is to go to the doctor and chemist. Right now basic things like showering feel hard

Hiya @creative_writer you doin alright today or are you still deep in the trenches of germ warfare? Poor dear!!

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@creative_writer wrote:
@Jynx will speak to you soon. I hope you have a restful weekend 💖.

I can’t help but feel loneliness is in my fate. How do I get rid of needing people and just get my needs met through spirituality?

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Hmmmmm...

Do you want my complete honesty? I won't sugar coat it.

@Jynx I had to take some pain relief, I felt like the pain was about to explode above my ears. I’m feeling better for now. Though I know I can’t afford to take too much pain relief with a sensitive stomach.

I’m open to complete honesty. My prefrontal cortex has been too overwhelmed and has been shutting down. Sometimes I make no sense and say things. Fleeting SI yesterday was a warning sign. Fever sweats does not help with sleep

@creative_writer ugh it's a fine line to walk hey, between getting the pain relief and then having to deal with a whole new problem! Your poor dear 🥺

So I guess in all honesty, it sounds like you feel like needing people is a problem. And tbh when I think about what I know of your experiences and context, it actually does make sense. We live in SUCH an individualistically minded society, most of us socialised to believe we ought to be able to stand on our own merits and not need help from anyone. I feel like it would be pretty easy to inhabit the headspace of not wanting to have to rely on anyone else - particularly if you have had a lot of experiences of mis-attuned, invalidating, or stigmatising kinds of responses to you and to your story.

I'm curious.... When you picture this, a life of no longer needing others and focusing on your spiritual journey - what would it look like? Feel like? How would your life be different?

@Jynx my stomach is okay for now. I just hope the infection clears up soon, I finish the antibiotics tomorrow. I do know symptoms can take a while to resolve.

Maybe we have been socialised to believe we must stand on our own. I feel like many of us have become very isolated. I spend a lot of time on social media, and majority of that time does not involve interacting with people. So in my case I don’t think I am really connecting to others on social media.

I know I’m probably swinging too much to the other end. It’s just that I wanted the pain to stop. I just didn’t want to need people if I’m not going to get my needs met. There are needs you can get met on a spiritual journey, but I still get lonely

@creative_writer oof, still symptomy near end of antibiotics? Dang, yeah I hope they clear up soon too!! 🤞

Yeah tbh I'm pretty similar with social media. I'm a lurker!! The most 'social' I am on the internet is here on the forums!! And besides, I think that whilst social media can help us stay connected over time and distance, it can never be a replacement for face to face interactions. We're just not biologically wired to get our social needs met through a screen, even if logically we know there's a real human on the other end. And don't even get me started on how much it promotes an ideology of social competition and forces us into masking!!

I get you hun. The pain of isolation is NOT mild. In fact, considering how intimately interconnected our attachment systems are with our survival systems, I'd say that it could almost be experienced as a kind of violence, considering how much it can trigger our parasympathetic nervous system. It makes sense that your brain is searching for literally any solution. You're responding completely appropriately to incredibly unfair circumstances.

@Jynx this bug isn’t fun. I haven’t been this sick for a very long time.

I do waste a lot of time on social media, maybe I do need to direct more of my energy elsewhere.

I am naturally prone to trying to suppress emotions. I remember feeling nothing as a kid when I was at school. I didn’t realise I disassociated until I got older. Disassociation is a way I’ve coped for a very long time

@creative_writer 😫 bebs the universe is putting you through the ringer ay!!

I think for me the thing w social media that has helped is to be VERY conscious of how the algorithm is responding to me. I purposefully seek out and like/save super wholesome content (and well, you know me, also absurd, bizarre, and whacky! Teehee), and avoid things that are super 'rage-bait-y'. Course, I am still addicted to the Doom-scroll my own self!! Having tech detox days has been good, where I'll get out into nature or focus solely on reading and crafty bits across a day. You done anything similar of late?

Hmm ever heard the saying 'What we resist, persists'? I wonder if some of the unexpressed emotions from your childhood are wanting to come out? IDK! Food for thought perhaps.