Listening to triggering music

@creative_writer I will keep my fingers and toes crossed for a swift eyeball recovery 🤞💜

Cos yeah you definitely do NOT need the stress.

Aye, and we evolved intelligence as a way to solve our problems, it's really hard to put that particular brain mode to rest. I mean... you could always do some puzzles?

I reckon if you are curious, have a chat to the Mind Medicine peeps - flick them an email maybe? - purely because these are still very newly available treatments, and so it's likely that your average pdoc won't know enough about them, and might just say 'nope it's unsuitable' as a way of protecting you (and themselves, maybe mostly 🙃) from the unknown. AFAIK bipolar is potentially treatable with PAT but may require an assessment from the treating pdoc to determine whether the potential risks outweigh the benefits. I found some further info on their website about PAT here. And then on their FAQ page I found these - they don't mention bipolar specifically but if anything else in there does resonate, well you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, right?

Anyway, I'm always happy to answer any questions you might have about the process! Or the psychedelics 😉

Oh snap I have to skedaddle!! Chat to you tomorrow if you're about!! 💜

@Jynx I certainly hope the eye issue resolves as I certainly don’t want surgery to get the cyst removed. It is gross and in an awkward region. I also hope my eye pressure returns to a more normal level. I don’t like these eye drops.

Problem solving is adaptive when you look at it from an evolutionary point of view. ND might in fact be adaptive because it allows you to pick up more sensory cues in the environment.

I do think it’s great that they are coming up with new treatments. The standard treatments are often not adequate enough. I am starting to feel a bit better. I did spent yesterday evening on the verge of tears. But I got through it. It can be lonely feeling as though you’re going through it all alone. My brain looks for a secure attachment figure I could go to talk about my pain, but I know not all of us get that opportunity

@creative_writer yeah for sure, it's such a vital and sensitive area! I can't imagine it would be helping your mood and stress levels either. Hope it's feeling a bit better today?

Yeah for sure!! Night owls with very distractible brains would have made the perfect watchmen, for example! Or the details-oriented 'autistic' would have been the very best at identifying the differences between two similar looking mushrooms to determine tasty vs. deadly! 😊

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@creative_writer wrote:
My brain looks for a secure attachment figure I could go to talk about my pain, but I know not all of us get that opportunity

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Which is absolutely bogus in my opinion. We all deserve the opprtunity to find fulfilling attachment-based relationships. We just exist in a society that values wealth over connection, and thus makes that task feel next to impossible.

Glad to hear that you are feeling better today!! What have you been up to, hiding from the heat I'd imagine?

@Jynx yeah it’s not fun when it’s so close to the eye. I also won’t be using hay fever nasal spray for a while because my nose isn’t doing so good. I think it must have dried it out.

I think it’s important to recognise that ND may have an evolutionary component.

Completely agree, I feel like society encourages people to favour material gain over connection. We are all living chaotic lives. I’ve had instances where I lost contact with people because it is too much effort being the only one to initiate conversations. If someone was really excited to talk to me they would reach out to me too. I can’t say I have met many people who get me.

I’m just lying low today. I’m too exhausted to do anything. My mum is telling me to help her with sorting out the house, but I don’t have it in me right now

@creative_writer Huh... you'd think nasal spray would be hydrating!!

Yeah I have totally been there... and then you stop initiating, wondering if they'll reach out to you for once... but they don't. It can hurt! Buuuut these days, if I find myself doing all the initiating, instead of just ceasing all contact (since we're creatures of habit, the person probably just got used to it, and might actually be hurt by sudden silence, and thus might think they're not wanted anymore), I would probably express to them that I felt like it was becoming one sided, and ask if they would either a) put some effort in or b) let me know that they're no longer invested in the relationship. That way we can either forge a more equitable bond, or part on mutually understood terms, rather than it being a confusing mess of drawn out silences, or a potentially super messy and hurtful situation. Hurt might still be present, but I know it's a lot easier for me to process my emotions when I have clarity on the situation, rather than the confusing mess that often arises from avoiding conflict. Just ma two cents!

Aye be firm with your boundaries hun!! I am glad to hear you're keeping it chill 😊

@Jynx it was the steroid nasal spray.

I was talking about relationships in the context where you grew apart. I think it’s important to recognise we do outgrow some of our relationships too. I’ve had friends who I stopped initiating conversations because I felt like we grew apart and became different. We weren’t connecting on that level anymore, and it was draining to keep a friendship going when we were different. It is painful, but it’s more painful holding on to a friendship that makes you feel lonely. I am in contact with other friends currently but they do reach out to me. I’m understanding of them taking a while to respond. Sometimes I find it hard to respond too. Maybe it’s a lot to ask for, I do find many people don’t know how to sit with big uncomfortable emotions. I’m the type to make meaningful friendships who I can be myself with as opposed to just passing time for the sake of it. Time is limited when we hit adulthood

Oh for sure, and thanks for clarifying the kind of situation you meant @creative_writer! I think there's absolutely times when ending a relationship is the best thing for everyone. I actually am really fond of the idea of having an impact or being impacted by someone in a significant way that enhances growth, and then if we have no more growing to do together, we must separate or we might accidentally end up keeping each other stuck and stagnating.

You've so much wisdom hun, it's genuinely impressive 😊 You approach friendships in a similar way to me!

@Jynx there is no black and white when it comes to friendships. I am not saying I’m better. I’ve had instance where I communicated distress and was told to talk to my mum. The same advice kept getting repeated even though I communicated that it won’t help. You can’t really fix MI with a holiday either. Feeling misunderstood and having to explain myself is way too exhausting. It makes sense to retreat. If I can’t be myself in a friendship, then it takes too much effort to have to hide how I am feeling. I already have to hide with my family and it’s so damn exhausting.

I also don’t like when someone questions my story. I’m like you weren’t there, I was. You don’t know what it was like. I get a lot of built up anger. Look I get you want to make it less painful for yourself and for me, but it doesn’t work that way

@creative_writer honestly I think being misunderstood and invalidated like that is a suuuper painful experience, but not one that ever really gets fully acknowlegded. And yeah like you say, you're spending enough energy masking around family, you definitely want your friendships to be where you can relax and express yourself honestly without fear of judgement!!

Just wondering if you'd seen this?

@Jynx how people react to our pain and traumas affects the risk of developing PTSD. Trauma isn’t just about what has happened, it’s also about how other people responded. I don’t think this sense of loss and shame would’ve been this strong if I had adequate support earlier on or had more people around who were willing to sit with me in this space. I don’t expect people to fix me, but having more support would be nice. I’ve tried so hard to move through it all through therapy, through spirituality. It’s just hard to move past it all when I’ve never had those secure attachments