Listening to triggering music

@creative_writer naww thanks bucnhes, that means a lot!! 🥰

Aye that would definitely contribute!! But was that your final assessment?! All done?!

@Jynx yes I’m done now. I don’t know what to do with my life now. Also a bit irritated that my eye feels a bit sticky.

I’ll need some time off for a bit before I do anything. I need to get my MH and migraines settled

@creative_writer oh yuck! Sticky like gritty and feels sandpapery? Hate that feeling.

You absolutely need and totally deserve a break!! I hope you can give yourself a proper one, I know how it goes when there's like a lingering undercurrent of stress (i.e. the stress of figuring out what's next) - but I reckon it'll be much easier to figure out your next steps once your baseline is back to a more manageable level.

Do you have like, a GP supporting you with the migraines and helping you figure out some effective pain management and stuff?

@Jynx probably just eye boogers.

I do think it’ll be easier to know what to do next once I go back to baseline. It’s going to take me a while to get back.

I pretty much gave up on GPs. I guess I haven’t found one I’ve built that strong rapport with and I don’t know how to find a decent one. We sort of used to have a decent one but then stress changed him and now he sort of gets on my nerves at times. I get being a doctor is stressful, but it can be counterproductive when a GP is stressed along with the client. Meds help don’t get me wrong, but aren’t adequate on their own. I do take dietary supplements. I drink lots of matcha with saffron because I feel like caffeine in moderation and saffron help a bit. I am also trying out red light therapy. My circulation is pretty shit. Shitty circulation is the last thing you want for a migraine, blood flow in the brain is so important

@creative_writer hahaha good ol' eye boogers. You've just reminded me of this lil gem:

Lol human bodies are weird!!

Yeah I totally feel you!! I don't mind my GP but like... I dunno, sometimes just feels like they wanna tick some boxes and shove you on your way hey. Something something insert another 'Big Jynx Rant about the underpaid, understaffed medical system' here lol. But very legit, and I hope if you do go looking for another GP, you find a goodun!

Oh cool, red light therapy helps with circulation does it? I'd not heard of it, will have to look it up! Also stretching helps!! I need to stretch more. Maybe once I log off! Which is really soon, woah! I should say goodnight!!

Rest well hun, hope your owwies abate!! 🫂😊

@Jynx I think I’m getting pus. It hasn’t cleared fully. I’ve tried antibiotics and eye drops. It’s better but not completely gone. I gotta make a trip to the eye specialist tomorrow afternoon. This is why you do not engage in stimming behaviour on your face.

Medical staff are underpaid big time. Hence why many opt out of bulk billing.

I use red light therapy as an alternative option that people use to treat chronic pain, sleep issues and MH. There is some research to back it up. As human beings we were never evolved to stay indoors. Watching the sunset and sunrise has powerful events on human health. The red light sort of mimics the red light from the sun.

I hope you slept well last night.

I know I still have time to decide what I want to do and I can take a break. I do still want to go into mental health part time. Maybe I just never to heal a bit more. But my trauma history does make me more vulnerable. I don’t always want to be like this, easily triggered

@creative_writer aww hun that sounds so painful!! I hope the specialist can get it all cleared up. You reckon it's conjunctivitis or something?

Oh true, that's legit!! Now I feel even better about my choice of two big red lamps in my bedroom haha. Gotta have that warm hue for sleepy times. So do you kinda just bathe/exist in a room that's only lit red, or is it like... shining a red torch in your eyes 🤣 (I don't actually think it's that, I just think it's funny).

Yeah you got plenty of time to figure it all out! I was so sure I was gonna go into AOD counselling... till I started working here, and found a whole barrel of passion for this work that I didn't even know I had. I think the path will become clearer as you go. And so too will you also become better at manageing your triggers/knowing where your limits and boundaries will need to be.

@Jynx I think it might be a blocked oil gland, it’s just very close to the eye so I get goop into the corner of my eye. I’ve had it for a while, hence why I’m seeing an eye specialist. You may have seen previous posts of me talking about my eye goop. It’s the same eye.

I get this specialised red light device that is TGA approved and they are different to normal lamps. I got it from Baxter Blue but there are also other brands out there. They are a bit pricey, but if it works, it works. I just got a table top version and I use it with my back towards it. It cover the upper part of my body. I get migraine, neck and back pain. I probably carry a lot of tension. I also have flexible joints which probably also contributes to pain. I close my eyes and wear the protective glasses because my eyes are super sensitive to light.

I do still find myself drawn to mental health. I did my second placement in mental health and I used to be a Lifeline crisis supporter before my CPTSD got worse. As I said, I probably wouldn’t be able to do it 5 days a week, 9-5. I think even after I’m in a better place mentally, I’ll still need time away from clinical work. I never thought I would say this till doing my course, I do also find myself drawn to research part time too. I know I could probably apply for research assistant jobs even without a PhD. Services like CASA and services that exclusively focus on victim survivors may not be viable options for me even when I do my own healing

@creative_writer yowza, sounds painful and very icky!! I do like the word goop though. Excellent echolalia fodder 😋

Wow, that's actually amazing!! I have soooo much tension in my shoulders and neck too, so maybe it's worth checking out!!

Oh do you have EDS? I think I do - over-flexible joints is one of the symptoms, it basically affects the fascia. I have been trying to find a way to train myself not to 'lock' my knees (they kinda bend backwards a bit), because when they're locked it pushes my lower back into a funky curve and gives me a shoulder hunch, cos all the weight is now on my knees and not distributed along my whole body. But other than outright putting knee braces on, I dunno how to do it, because it's automatic. Gosh bodies are weird and annoying to inhabit 😅

Oh absolutely, and if I unintentionally implied you ought not to go into mental health, I apologise. I think research is an awesome endeavour, especially if it's an area of passion!

I totally get where you're at, in terms of trying to work out if that kind of work would be suitable. When it hits close to home like that, it does tend to spark our inner fire, but also can end up being triggering. Maybe you could do research for working with victim survivors, but do face to face with like, idk ND folks specifically or something like that.

@Jynx I’m just hoping it improves my physical and mental health over time. I think I have undiagnosed EDS.

Maybe I’m not in the headspace rn, which is fair. I had an appointment with my pdoc and we discussed how mental health may be triggering. I know things can change and working on your healing does help. I still do want to get past this obstacle and work in mental health. I realise that SA discussions are the reality of the job. It is a step further to work with clients who are all SA survivors. I don’t have to work in a specialise area to get job satisfaction. Working with ND and even in general mental health would be enough for me. Though I don’t think I’m cut for five days a week clinician role. I am an introvert and I do get exhausted. Therapist often don’t work five days a week. My interest area for research will eventually come to me