creative_writerSenior Contributor
Listening to triggering music
Why do I keep doing this to myself?
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Listening to triggering music
656 replies
In response to: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@tyme I’m trying my brain to let go of things and accept that there are things outside of my control but some things also in my control. I’ve spent years feeling as though I’ve had to protect myself from others and feeling as though I’ve had to control things. I’ve been trying to turn to my faith just to feel safer. It’s a process. Sometimes these thoughts get loud and I feel frustrated with myself. Underneath the anger is grief. I’m grieving a life that could’ve been if things had been different. I do think it’s important to recognise women are often objectified and told they must preserve their dignity and purity. But what if someone was robbed?
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
tymeModerator
Re: Listening to triggering music
I hear how much the grief is playing on in your mind @creative_writer .
I hear the hurt, the loss and the pain that comes with it.
I hope you find a way to work through this and you don't deserve to relive the pain every moment of the day.
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@tyme maybe it’s just about finding the right therapist. I’ve blamed myself for so long for not being open with my psych or feeling safe enough to be fully vulnerable. I thought the problem was me. It’s hard when it’s difficult to find people I feel safer with. There are only very few people I can be vulnerable with
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
tymeModerator
Re: Listening to triggering music
You're right. It's not about how 'good' a therapist is, but whether they are a good fit. I have very few who I've really built a rapport with and so I stick with them @creative_writer
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@tyme it’s just so hard to find those therapists. We are also constantly evolving and changing, what works can vary at each point in time. I guess it’s natural to want a safe place to heal old wounds. I’ve felt isolated and like an outsider my entire life, I just want to feel connected
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
I know the right person won’t hold traumas against me. It’s just hard to externalise what I’ve internalised for so long. My mind tells me guys will want a good girl who is inexperienced. But sometimes you don’t have a choice 😢. Maybe uni stress is affecting my mental health. I have my final assignment to wrap up on Monday
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
JynxModerator
Re: Listening to triggering music
@creative_writer wrote:
My mind tells me guys will want a good girl who is inexperienced
Hey hun! Just thinking on this... I am wondering, is it your mind that thinks this, or is this a social/cultural value that has heavily influenced your narrative? The right person for you isn't going to care about how experienced you are or not. And will hopefully be mature enough to know that humans are too complex to be boiled down into 'good' or not.
I think the more important question is, what do you want in a guy?
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@Jynx I’m trying to work through what is logical and what has been ingrained in me growing up. There is a lot of stigma around discussing sexuality in my culture. It’s purely a cultural thing, not religious. But people always make it about religion. This may sounds controversial, I honestly feel people are obliged to have some basic education as young adults.
I need a mature partner. Who is patient and emotionally available. I don’t expect my partner to fix me or meet all my needs, but give me the space to work on myself. We all have responsibility in our own healing. I firmly believe some of our needs are met through ourselves, some through spirituality (or some sense of purpose) and some are met through others
I need a mature partner. Who is patient and emotionally available. I don’t expect my partner to fix me or meet all my needs, but give me the space to work on myself. We all have responsibility in our own healing. I firmly believe some of our needs are met through ourselves, some through spirituality (or some sense of purpose) and some are met through others
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
JynxModerator
Re: Listening to triggering music
@creative_writer it's a whole darn process hey, untangling ourselves from the values we've been steeped in, so we might identify our own. I think it is doubly so if we're also lacking connections to people who might share those values. So I guess be patient with yourself hun. I have observed many, many times, examples of you demonstrating an enormous capacity for wisdom and self-reflection! You're gonna be a-ok 😊
I mean, your second paragraph is a perfect example! When you do find the right, lucky guy, I sense that you will be able to approach the relationship in a super healthy and balanced way! Well, that's the feeling I got anyway.
Is it your last assignment coming up?
In response to: Re: Listening to triggering music
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Listening to triggering music
@Jynx it does require a lot of detangling and it doesn’t come easy. I know on a logical level the people in my life won’t blame me. However, I feel like I would face a lot of stigma if I openly spoke about things. I know people are getting more comfortable discussing mental health in the new generations. I actually have a second cousin who is an influencer and has spoken about her mental health, like experiences with depression. Though I don’t think she really talks about the darker stuff like suicide. Don’t know if she has experienced that sort of stuff, I wouldn’t wish that on her. Talking about suicide, self harm and sexual trauma is very taboo. A lot of people don’t understand what bipolar is either, and I do feel it’s more stigmatised than depression.
Assignment is due on Monday. I think I’m going to take the rest of today off, only because I’m not feeling up to it and the heat isn’t helping
Assignment is due on Monday. I think I’m going to take the rest of today off, only because I’m not feeling up to it and the heat isn’t helping
