Never being in a relationship

@Former-Member oh my friend, I got told the same thing over and over. "No one will love you until you love yourself!" Yuck. What a horrifyingly damaging saying. That one was like a thorn in my brain for years. It completely misses the whole part where we literally evolved over thousands of years specifically to be social creatures. It decrees that anyone who hasn't got any friends is automatically a failure for not doing enough inner work, despite the fact that, well, there's only so much inner healing we can do before we need to go out and heal through our relationships with others. It's also worth acknowledging that there's soooooo many barriers in our modern world that interfere with our ability to find and create meaningful relationships.

So yes, it's absolute BS, and I am sorry that no one from your support team has ever given you that validation.

Ahh that's crappy. I can understand feeling super hesitant to want to consider a life coach after that experience. Though still... if you found a good one, could be super helpful. But like tyme was saying, if we aren't ready, if we don't believe in the person or process, or if we're just doing it because we think we're supposed to, it's probably not going to be particularly effective hey.

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@Former-Member wrote:

ive been in therapy for years, I just want something to show for all the work ive put in. I am so tired and exhausted my life is just slipping and I dont want to talk to professional supports I just want a life where I am appreciated and welcomed. I have never felt like the ever

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A sense of belonging is in Maslow's Hierarchy for a reason, it's super important! And you absolutely deserve to have that.

A couple reflection questions - What would you like to be appreciated for? What kind of group would it feel good to be welcomed by?

No pressure to respond to them here, or at all! Just an invitation to unpack if you think it could help 💜

@Former-Member

I can certainly relate to that sentiment.

it can be so frustrating when one senses they are back at square one

but perhaps it would help to look at small wins.

you expressed your venerability here in a forum of strangers. Do you know how much courage that takes?! To say no I’m not okay actually and I need help. Huge kudos to you.

did you get up today? Make breakfast, go outside? Those are also huge wins.

another thing that might help is just being around other people. its awkward at first but it does help. Are there any hobbies you enjoy?

I recently started going to board game events even though I haven’t played in years!
I can’t say I’ve made any friends this way but I have found others who have similar experiences and just playing games for a few hours with other people really makes such a difference.

@Jynx

I dont like the idea of being gaslit about wanting connection in life but it happens all the time.

I just want to be in a group that is excited to see me and wants to talk to me outside of the group too. I have never felt that in any group I have been associated with. I always get the feeling people dont want me around at all. I dont know what group specifically could do that, but I just want to be acknowledged as a functioning member of society, not some punching bag for someone else.

@lostNclueless

There are hobbies I enjoy and I have tried to go to those different groups. I just feel lost and alone in this world. My phone is always quiet and I have no one checking on with me. I hate this planet so much

Why is everyone I know in a relationship but not me? Why are there some people out there who are non-monogamous and have it easier than me? I could save the world from a meteorite hitting the planet and no one would care. Why am I so damn invisible to everyone? I hate this planet so much

@Former-Member I'm really sorry that you're feeling this way. It's so human and natural to want that connection, and it must be really frustrating to see it seemingly come so easily to other people.

I want you to know that while it might feel like it sometimes, that you're not alone in this. I have a few friends who are fantastic people who have never had a relationship either... I think a lot of finding a relationship is timing and luck, and that sucks when neither of those factors seem to be on your side.

I don't want to repeat any cliches because I'm sure that you've heard it all before and it's probably not very helpful, but I do want you know that you're not invisible and we're here with you.

@Ru-bee

I do appreciate the sentiment and not going down the path of cliches. I have heard them all and they dont provide any utility at all.

I wish there was a support group for single people who struggle with this stuff. In all of the hustle and bustle of modern life we have seemingly taken relationships for granted and there is an expectation they should just happen.

I know I need to be positive but I dont think it will happen to me. Women dont see me as a viable option with any feelings or thoughts. I am just a ghost

I feel so damn triggered. How are people in multiple relationships and I can’t even get into one? This is absolutely bullshit and I hate it so much. Life is so terrible and I wish the planet just blew up now and wiped us all out

Do you honestly think a relationship is your answer @Former-Member ?

Do you mean general relationships, or an intimate relationship? Or both?

I hear you are in pain.

@tyme

I never said that it was, I just wish that area of my life was more accessible. I am sick and tired of working on myself and doing all this work. It has gotten me ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE whereas others are living it high on the hog and get to experience all it means to be human.

Everything, all kinds of relationships, are just completely locked off from me.