Never being in a relationship

Sorry for all the questions.

So, just say this group happened in real life where people could come and discuss their challenges. How could you then transfer this knowledge to the wider world?

Otherwise it'd just be people struggling, gathering with people struggling - will it turn into a 'pity party'? This is the part I'm not getting.

Or, is it better for people who are struggling to chat to those who have 'succeeded' as a way of seeing what works?

Thoughts @Former-Member ?

No need to respond if you don't feel comfy. I'm just curious as to how this could even look.

As for surviving, I totally get you. I have to say I've been in a similar place - life has no meaning and it was just about plodding along and flowing with the current.

@tyme

I feel like the stories of people I have heard of succeeding tend to be condescending or they have no idea what we in the losers department have actually struggled with.

Maybe it is a terrible idea, I shouldn't have brought it up. I dont know what to do anymore. My life is an absolute dumpster fire, I hate dating and I hate this world

Hey mate @Former-Member , don't be so hard on yourself! It's not actually a bad idea, but I reckon it would have to be thought out carefully.

I have to log off now, but I'm going to have a deeper think about it.

@tyme

I am a loser, women find me unattractive. I have no future or no hope. I am a loser with no chance to win.

"You are just going to have to accept that you will die alone and no one will ever love you". Rings in my head every day. And it's true. I am a despicable creature who is just a blob of atoms taking up space.

Hey @Former-Member it sounds like you're being really hard on yourself! Can be really easy to truly believe these things about ourselves, especially when also dealing with rejection.

Are there ways you can show yourself some compassion?

@Jynx

I do provide myself compassion, every day since I left school. Sometimes, for years on end, it was the only form of love I would receive.

I would like some external love from time to time. Like what others get and I cant. I am absolutely dead inside and I just cant do it at the moment.

Glad to hear it @Former-Member and I do know it is tiring. I guess it just makes me really sad to hear you talk about yourself that way. Plus... there's the whole 'our thinking creates our reality' thing - if you continue to tell yourself that you are despicable, not only will you believe it, but so will others. I encourage self-compassion not because I don't think you're already doing it, but because I think we all need a reminder sometimes, myself included.

@Jynx

I just want this all to stop. I want everything to stop. I am in so much pain, I hate this whole godforsaken planet. I have been practicing self-compassion on my own for so long I have nothing else to show for it. [Removed by moderator]

I'm pretty concerned about you @Former-Member - I'm going to flick you an email to check in ok?

@Jynx

Thank you for checking in. I need help with this stuff. Why am I so unattractive? Why am I so ugly and unlovable? I have worked so hard on myself for the past decade. I used to be selectively mute around girls in high school so I have had to work to overcome that. I have missed so much social development because of that and that means I dont know what I am doing on dates or interacting with women at all.

I have spent thousands of dollars on dating coaches to help improve this aspect of my life. I have been ripped off by them too. I have worked to get two degrees in education, I write my own music, I have so many hobbies and interests. What do I have to do to show that I have value?

I dont want people invalidating how I feel anymore or just telling me to "work on myself". I want people to just see this is unfair. Dating for men is damn hard because womens standards are through the roof and the reasons we get rejected are just so arbitrary.

I want to cry. I want to rip my heart and and just give it to someone. What am I doing wrong to deserve this lot in life?