New therapist

Aye it's such an undertaking hey @Former-Member but good on you for putting one foot in front of the other with it! Detangling from internalised stigma is difficult work, but sounds like it's already making a difference for you. Oh! Something that helped me with my shame around crying is learning that it can actually release cortisol, the stress hormone. So crying is physically making us feel less distressed!

@Dimity

I gotta go, catch you next time friends! Hope you both have a nice chill evening 😊💜

Have a good night @Jynx

@Former-Member I decided to meditate this morning. A few minutes in, tears came out of nowhere. But like @Jynx said it was calming.

@Dimity @Jynx Only way I can describe it is…. Adult me wants to feel ok about showing and expressing emotions. Child me is too scared to as is frightened will get into trouble or be punished.

Aww I'm glad @Dimity, always helps to let those emotions move through us!

@Former-Member that makes total sense; if you were shut down, punished, shamed, or otherwise treated poorly whenever you displayed emotion, it's bound to have lasting impacts. You're basically trying to tell your brain that this thing (repressing) that was wired in as a survival tactic is wrong.

Have you done much inner child work? One of the ways we can work on this is by connecting to that fearful child and provide the nurturance, attunement, and acceptance that was lacking when we were younger.

@Jynx Between ages 9yo to 16yo the ‘normal’ for me was being told

- stop your blubbering (any time I cried)

13yo to 16 yo
- don’t your dare speak back to me (which would be yelled at me). Dictated to with lots of things with various emotional threats constantly hanging over my head.

I would get angry so as not to cry. When calmed down would burst into tears …. Silent tears as was so scared

would get heard.

totally screwed up my head and my reactions.

I have chosen to start schema therapy from start of next year as it feels right to me, EMDR never felt right

Oof, yeah that's bound to leave your system all sorts of messed up @Former-Member I'm sorry you were treated that way.

Sounds like a good plan! I got a lot out of Schema Therapy, was really helpful in getting that insight and understanding of how my mental narratives were impacting my sense of self! Feel free to keep us posted on how you go - I know I always find it helpful to compare therapy notes! 😉

@Former-Member "All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way” (Tolstoy, Anna Karenina).

It's good you have feelings and emotions, and can work towards expressing them in a way that's comfortable for you.

I was mostly numb, withdrawn, silent but could protest when provoked, not that it helped. But I was incapable of questioning a lot of the put-downs and neglect.

My poor old cat is battling a bit. A new med seems to be helping but he no longer accepts the tablets and bit my finger.

@Dimity Are you able to crush your cats tablet and add it to something? We do that quite often where I work voluntarily as most cats won’t let people touch them. Something you might like to try is crush the tablet using 2 spoons, thorough mix this into small amount of food or into a creamy treat on a spoon.

Hoping your cat is willing to take the new med.

like so many of us, if I wrote my life story away from the forums, no one would believe me. I’m starting to realise that I was born into a family where somethings were not ‘normal’, compared to other families. One thing I’m thankful for is I have memories plus photos of fun times had when young

I'm glad you have some happy memories of early years @Former-Member . I have a few happy memories of my grandparents and other times. Unfortunately overshadowed by so much else.

Thanks I'll try crushing the tablet - I'll have to find something tasty to mix it with.

I see my gp tomorrow about my MHCP. I'm still upset about the therapist, and I don't think I can face starting again with someone new (although I did try looking).

@Dimity Other things that might help is giving your cat a treat after he has had the meds.

Best thing we have found is fish or food in gravy, depending on what the cat prefers. Manager keeps tins of sardines, small tins of cat food plus pouches for us to use.