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Late start at relationships

KalliadesContributor21 Jan 2017, 10:46 am AEDT

Late start at relationships

Hey, hope everyone's doing well. I've been in a pretty good space for the last few months and haven't visited the forums in a while. Feel a bit ordinary for coming back to ask for advice when I didnt bother sticking around to give any in return. Hope you can forgive me.

So I'm 27, never had a girlfriend or even been on a date. I've tried internet dating a bunch of times and exchanged messages with girls but its never gone any further than that until about a month or so ago when a girl gave me her number. We've talked on the phone a few times and I even told her a little about my depression and anxiety which I've never really talked to anyone about other than doctors. I think a part of me wanted her to say she wasnt interested, to confirm my belief that I'm meant to be alone so that I could get back to comfortable isolation. But she didnt. She was kind and understanding and wanted to keep talking to me.

Since then I havent been able to stop thinking about her. If I text her and she doesnt message me back for a couple of days, I convince myself that shes moved on, found someone better and I'm miserable. Then we talk again and I'm over the moon.

I havent even met her yet, (we plan to in the next couple of weeks) and I know that at this stage all we are is two people just getting to know each other, nothing more. She's even told me that she's talking to another guy as well. I know that its the idea of a relationship, the dream of being in love that I'm obsessed with, I dont know her well enough for it to be anything else. But what I know and what I feel are entirely seperate things. Chances are she isnt going to be 'the one' and I dont know how I'm going to cope when it all comes crashing down.

Can anyone relate?

53 replies

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In response to: Late start at relationships

pipSenior Contributor22 Jan 2017, 4:06 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

@utopia. I was demoted (as you describe) because the manager has no idea how involved G was. G had actually told me he loved me, would always be there, would never end etc. The manager has only been told one side. My son and daughter are now aware and my son has informed the chat room manager. My daughter is fine, she and her hubby are leaving for N.Z next week, for two weeks. Thanks for the hug, I'm sooo tempted to email G and ask if we could resume now I'm no longer part of the forums. if he genuinely loved me, surely there is no reason now why we can't resume our relationship, although G may have wanted it to end which is why he told someone else. He has also probably been told not to email me, but the manger has no right now to tell us to cease. I'm a little scared of further rejection. I wouldn't return to the forums now anyway.

In response to: Late start at relationships

utopiaSenior Contributor22 Jan 2017, 5:53 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

@pip. If he really loved you - you wouldn't need to ask him. He would have been fighting for you. And he didn't. I'm sorry.
Don't lower yourself by asking him to resume contact. As painful as it is - it is over.
If the Manager doesn't want to hear your side - that means he is only listening to G.
Decide if you want to stay on that forum or not.
A painful time for you - but I'm here - as as others on this site.
I'm so glad your daughter is doing well.

In response to: Re: Late start at relationships

pipSenior Contributor22 Jan 2017, 6:16 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

@utopia. I agree with you, it's over and I have to accept that. I have left that forum - permanently. Thank you for listening without judgement. No doubt I will get over this, he obviously never loved me. The strange part is, my son and daughter had asked him to break the relationship off as they were never that comfortable, he told them he would never walk away. I don't know for sure he has been told to cease communication, all I know is I've heard nothing. It could be he's not sure how I feel and he's waiting to hear. I have no idea what his communication with the manager has been. All I know is my champ status was rescinded and I was told no further correspondence would be entered into. If he has been acting inappropriately with other members of the forum, no doubt the manager will be informed. Hopefully now the manager will be watching him closely. However, I'm getting on with my life and putting this down to experience. I've had problems in the past with trusting men, so this hasn't helped.

In response to: Re: Late start at relationships

Unknown userMember22 Jan 2017, 8:30 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

We put our trust into these potential partners,that can be so detrimental to our mental health if abused.

In response to: Re: Late start at relationships

pipSenior Contributor22 Jan 2017, 9:15 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

Hi @Former-Member. It happens more often than we ever know about. The people who are abused by these potential partners are often too embarrassed to say anything, for fear of being ridiculed by so-called friends. I suffer depression, plus chronic alcoholism, I have managed to abstain from drinking, but I came close to wasting myself over this. I thought about drowning my sorrows, but decided he wasn't worth the damage to 'me'. No man is. My self respect and volunteer job as a driver is more important than him.

In response to: Late start at relationships

utopiaSenior Contributor22 Jan 2017, 9:22 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

Well said @pip. Your new life is more important than him. You have come along way. Keep going. You are amazing.

In response to: Re: Late start at relationships

Unknown userMember22 Jan 2017, 9:57 pm AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

I know Pip it happens alot.As we go through life we learn couples we thought were happy were not.I have always wanted the fairytale ending not the nightmare ,I don't think I am ever going to find it though.The sad part is like when I was sexually abused by a 53 year old when I was 16, these w****** have been known to do it before.They do so much damage but you are right Pip they aren't worth self destructing yourself over.Wish you well.

In response to: Re: Late start at relationships

HeartSenior Contributor23 Jan 2017, 8:05 am AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

Hello @Kalliades, Well done on meeting someone. You have come a long way in being open and honest about you MI. She has been honest with you as well about speaking to other men. This is a great sign that you can both be honest and upfront with each other.

Take one day at a time and one conversation at a time. The mixed feelings of excitement and caution are normal. Go with the flow, try and keep a level head and listen to you gut instinct not your head.

Enjoy this time and have a great deal of fun. You are young, (yes I am old enough to be your mother, 47, LOL).

@Kalliades, @pip is a very wise person and has helped me with so much. So glad to hear her on this forum again. (I have told her she is as wise as an owl).

@pip, So so sorry for things not working out for you. Sending you big big hugs and lots of them. Missed you heaps. Please keep posting and letting us know how you are and giving us all your wonderful insights.

In response to: Re: Late start at relationships

pipSenior Contributor23 Jan 2017, 8:42 am AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

@Heart. Thank you so much for your kind words, I so appreciate them at this time. Are you telling me or Kalliades that one of us is as wise an as owl. If it's me I thank you, but I feel rather foolish because of how easily I was 'led on'. My son and daughter were furious over the incident as they had both asked this person to leave me be and he consistently refused, telling them he did in fact love me. Unfortunately, it's kind of made me extremely wary about trusting men. There must be men out there who can be trusted, but I seem to attract the wrong sort. Think I might become a nun, lol.

In response to: Re: Late start at relationships

HeartSenior Contributor23 Jan 2017, 9:08 am AEDT

Re: Late start at relationships

@pip, I was telling @Kalliades that you are as wise as an owl, I see what you are questioning but you have given me so much of your insight and wiseness and that was what I was trying to say.

@Kalliades, some of this conversation has gone to why women don't trust men. Please do not be offended as there are alot of men who don't trust women as well, but take what they are saying and make it your learning tool to be a better man that what has been experienced by these people and others you know. I too have issues with trust and I just hope you can learn from what is being said here to be able to communicate and support any relationship and friendship that may come your way.

Being able to communicate, compromise and support each other through differences and difficulties is a key point to a successful relationship/friendship. If you are able to do this or learn from others experiences, you are well on you way to being a great partner to who ever may come your way.

Learn from your experiences and from your stuff ups, no not failures because no one is a failure, as to how to be better. And this applies to all of life.

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