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Going down

destructiveSenior Contributor12 Aug 2024, 2:41 pm AEST

Going down

I don't even know what to call this post or how to explain my world at the moment. And I do t exactly know why.. well maybe I have a guess. A few weeks ago I shared about some images I see in my head from a voice. Sounds so odd writing. My therapist believes they're memories but they're pretty horrific things and that was the first time I'd verbalised them.

Since then I feel like I'm either between two world or gone. I would rather be gone to be honest because at other times I can see what I'm doing and I don't feel in control. Then I ended up doing things I haven't for a while. I feel like a failure. Sometimes I have this intense feeling inside me like an bomb is about to go off. I don't think there is anything anyone can do. I know I need more than what I have but if anything it's about to get less because I've run out of my mental health plan. How do people afford help. 😢😢

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In response to: Going down

destructiveSenior Contributor16 Aug 2024, 9:20 pm AEST

Re: Going down

I know you are trying to be encouraging @tinyme but I am actually the definition of alone

In response to: Re: Going down

tymeModerator16 Aug 2024, 9:26 pm AEST

Re: Going down

Awww @destructive . Sorry you think that you are the definition of alone. It must be so hard to sit with this.

Or, on the flip, can you be alone but not lonely?

Never mind me. Please don't feel pressured to respond if you don't want. Just know we're here if you need a chat.

In response to: Re: Going down

destructiveSenior Contributor17 Aug 2024, 11:41 am AEST

Re: Going down

@tyme I dont exactly feel lonely. Don't think I could feel lonely because I don't know how to have a real connection so I think maybe they do hand in hand. Hard to miss something you've never had. Hopefully I didn't come across as rude last night. I feel like I've been on the edge of panic because I know that there is no one that can actually help me with what I need. Just makes it even harder to not give in.

In response to: Going down

tymeModerator21 Aug 2024, 9:05 pm AEST

Re: Going down

Hey @destructive ,

No stress at all. As much as I try to be supportive, I acknowledge I'm human and I don't always get it right - especially in text-based communication.

I just hope you know we are if you need a chat.

In response to: Re: Going down

destructiveSenior Contributor14 Oct 2024, 10:08 pm AEDT

Re: Going down

Tonight is a particularly lonely feeling and I find myself wondering why I'm still here. I'm so exhausted from everyday life it seems a cruel joke and I have no one. So what's the point. I first hurt myself over 20 years ago. And it feels like something I'll never escape because I am tormented by my own self.

Someone thinks I have this awful childhood but how do you even consider that when you can't be sure. That's an awful risk to take, to blame someone if it's not real, of it's just my sick mind. I don't know if I'm allowed to say any of thos so I understand if it gets deleted

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