Progress..

Hi @Asgard

Thank you. It'd be hard to answer fully without a very long msg, but I think the behaviours are from him stopping drinking, and also, he had an abusive childhood and so, some of it, learned behaviours. The thing is, I love him, and we have a home I love as well. Someone once stood by me through a very difficult period in my life so I learned then, that it's possible to stick by someone no matter what. This is complex, as there are obviously limitations and boundaries that absolutely must be present. I have a few good friends who are aware of things here at home, and who know both of us, and who keep checking in with me. I'm not really into PC correctness, I think the world's gone crazy with it, so I'm (currently) sticking to fighting for the relationship and praying a lot to have wisdom and perspective.

How are you going? What's happening?

Cheers @Asgard. Your friend, Alice10...

Hi @Alice10

Thank you for getting back, at least I know that you are ok. You mentioned the most important word, love, and that is something that is always worth fighting for. It is the feeling that we all aspire to, but its one that we very rarely get to experience long term. Yes we get fleeting glimpses of it and you wish that feeling to always envelop you. So I get it, I really do, you fight for that feeling and hopefully in time things will come good.

Just tell me that you are safe, so I don't worry about you too much.

Take care @Alice10 Your friend Asgard

Hey @Alice10 ,

I'm sorry to hear you haven't been well. Please don't feel guilty for posting. We've all been through the mountains and valleys of life.

Hang in there.

We are sitting with you.

Hi @Asgard

I'm pretty sick still. Bugger.

I'm safe but the happiness I thought I'd feel from sticking things out isn't there. God this feels like a journey so long that sometimes I want to get in the car and just drive. Anyway, I'm not doing another flip flop, with my decision, it's just lot harder than I thought it was going to be.

Your friend

Alice

Thanks @tyme

Really appreciate it.

Alice

Morning @Alice10

Not nice feeling crook on top of everything else. I know that you are putting your heart and soul into this relationship, I hope that the other party is meeting you half way or at least doing their best to do that.

As my mam used to said to us kids, nothing worth having ever came easy, which when I look back at my life has certainly been true. When I think of the hurdles I used to have to jump to get anything. I suppose I learned that from an early age being number 4 of 5.

Anyways Alice, always here for a chat or a whinge whatever rocks your boat, God knows I have had some mega whinges in my life, so feel free....lol

Take care of yourself ---Your friend Asgard

@Asgard hi mate, gosh thanks for the msg. Yes, I would like to have a mini whinge LOL... he had an outburst today, verbally, and called me every disgusting name under the sun, I just thought, why am I even bothering? If I knew two years ago what I know now, I wouldn't have even entered into the relationship. That says a lot doesn't it? I'm so pissed off and am thinking of suggesting that we just co_habit while I house hunt etc..

Anyway, on I go, but I'm pondering what's happened today. Thanks for always listening. Cheers, Alice.

Thanks @Asgard

I have decided to get my pin up board out and put some of the handouts from the course on there, so it will remind me to practice rewording the way I talk to aggressive people that will help de-escalate a situation I might normally find myself in. Plus to remind me to be more mindful and to meditate more often and appreciate the small things that I have managed to save from the last 20 or so years of my life.

I am looking forward to attending my workshop next Wednesday as it is all about working out what your dreams are, and how you can go about achieving them. Last week we covered finding out what my core values are, and setting boundaries, and be assertive when communicating with people who do not respect my boundaries. It was a big eye opener for me.

I hope your are doing well ☺️

Hiye @Alice10

It is good to have a whinge isn't it. So what drew you to him in the first place, do you still see that side of him. When he is being a twat, does he apologise afterwards - or sulk like all men do, I speak from experience....lol

I know I am asking loads of questions so tell me to stop if ye like. What do ye actually like about him, can ye still remember the good times, does he?

Ok that's my 20 questions, its about to rain here, me n my best mate are hopefully doing a Bunnings run today, I soo love that place, just wandering around, have a lot of fun there just doing stupid stuff.

You take care of yourself and speak soon our Alice...........Asgard

@Asgard hi again. Well, what drew me to him was he seemed very capable and very in control of things in a good way. He was also I thought, this is embarrassing..very cool. In a band, etc. But now I realise that I saw in him what I wanted to and chose to see, and boy did I have the blinders on. He's actually revealed himself to be very immature and not very "present" if that makes sense. I feel I'm drifting further and further away from him. He's actually an asshole sometimes, and today I got another verbal attack. You really are a good friend Asgard, because not many people would listen to me going from pillar to post constantly. Take it easy I hope Bunnings has been fun with your friend, and your Saturday is good all round. Alice.