Ramblings

Take a breath for a moment and realise the broad scheme of things - what you really want to do, how much of a big deal is it really, can it wait 5 min while I get a cup of tea... give time for yourself

I get like that sometimes.

If it's an utter emergency (house on fire), getting angry about not finding car keys is 100% accurate

hello @Former-Member @SGde3a

Am I correct in thinking, use the anger, nervous energy to fuel your adrenaline.

use that energy to push yourself to walk, run, swim, hike, cycle something physical that you enjoy and feel the rush after.

keep writing xx

One of the hardest things I had to do was admit to myself that I did feel angry about certain things.

I had seen anger wreak havoc and struggled against it, but eventually there came a time when my being was continually flooded with anger. I guess it was coming to terms with my shadow side... or whatever you want to call it

I knew it was not "me".

I would not allow myself to be defined by anger only .. tho there certainly was a lot of it at times. There are heaps of other things I do and feel and think.

but yes .. the car keys thing .. most of us go through that .. often panic and pressure

more than actually anger ..

I'd like to think that something might be done
About these bandaids, added one by one
To cover wounds amassed in countless sum.
Temporary bindings, about to come undone.

I think I deserve an Academy Award.
I'm quite the perfect actor,
Performances unflawed.
A plausible life story, taken on the whole,
The only thing that belies the truth
Is the sickness in my soul.

But if you skip to the synopsis
Here's what it's about:
The little light in the fridge of my soul
Has finally gone out.

The people who laugh-hate at others for fun or for no reason, or overly sympathetic for no reason are the ones with the light switched off inside.......... you can't rely on them they're full of pain already.. they need someone themselves to switch their lights back on.

IMO - First gate to heaven/cloud 9 for people full of pain... vent frustation/pain/anger during exercise or some vigorous activity.

Second... look at your health, what you need to feel good on the inside without anybody else to rely upon as a feel good source - healthy foods, vitamins. see if you have 'leaky gut' (confusion/pain after eating)

Third... look at what future you want.. think about all the things you actually want to do right now but might be holding back on, if its rational or not

Forth.... look at who you can trust and get chummy with

1. Thanks @SGde3a for your comments, even if they might be, perhaps, out of context and ( admittedly my fault) made without sufficient background information.

I rarely, if ever, do anything for 'no reason'.

I'm full of pain, true, but it's well earned and a good percentage is factual physical pain.

My health. ( Past tense. None left)

I get to live in pain and die young. No amount of vitamins or yoga will change that, so I feel (somewhat) justified in lacking much joy about my current or future situation.

The future I want is to not be like this.

And it turns out Mulder was right the whole time about that trust thing, which will always be a great loss to me.

So, I'm a bag full of rainbows, but I don't write resentful poetry on whim or for 'emo' reasons, and I try not to whinge ( too much) or shove it people's faces, which is why I add to an old thread instead of making new ones

Barring some kind of Doctor Strange transformation, all that (currently and affordably) can be done, has been tried.

But you are correct ( even if you didn't say it directly), 'stop your bitching'.

And so I shall. No more self-pity posts.

'And all the people say:
"You can't wake up, this is not a dream."

-Hasley.

I didn't mean 'stop your bitching', I meant the hell with everyone who has given up on you. Handle it yourself. What is your condition anyway?

Don't wallow on not having any health... focus on what you have currently, what foods you feel like eating a lot of.. your body tells you what to eat because foods contain vitamins, amino acids etc doctors dont even (arent taught to) know about.

Also reiki healing is about focusing on your heart and when you do that you can notice in more contrast. 1) the people around you with no heart, 2) your peak health and what you think you need to fix it....

I'm in pain a lot with my back and you can glide above it with a strong heart and go above the negative thoughts in your head 'you deserve it', etc and trigger positive action to think "no i dont, nobody does, whats this all about?"

Hi.

OK, I'm not sure how this thread ended up where it is.

I was reflecting on the difficulty of dealing with unfamiliar anger ( caused by a few years of prescription amphetamines. Yeah I didn't say that was the cause, but I didn't have to).

Now I'm wallowing in the fact that my body is tearing itself apart?

Awesome.

I'm open minded, and a great believer in the original uncorrupted school of Buddhism.

But Reiki etc. is unproven pseudoscience.

If you want to believe in it, that's fine, but please don't ever offer unscientific practices to people with mental / medical conditions.

And FFS don't tell people on mental health forums to "deal with it yourself". That's a pretty volatile thing to say to people in unpleasant situations, like most on here are.

Show a little common sense please. It's fortunate that I'm not as susceptible as some in regards to taking online advice.

I appreciate your ( what I imagine to be) good intentions, and apologize for this scolding, but perhaps consider how those offerings can be interpreted in this medium.

All the stuff people offer about gliding above pain by having a strong heart, or religious faith, or just imagined strength of will are the kind of offensive diatribes offered by people who are still well under their pain threshold.

So there's me, abusing the people who offer advice.

But I didn't ask.

You are welcome to offer advice, but your delivery is borderline offensive, and comes across very 'schooling'.

I'm afraid to tell you that you have not told me anything I didn't already know much, much more about, but you also did it in a manner that offered no explanations, references or guidance regarding it, which results in the effect that you essentially just told me what to do and what not to do in the form of a command.

I'd advise against doing it again.

who knows what might happen next...

https://youtu.be/WH9C6oLEtOg

Content Advisory.