Ramblings

What good are windows?
The view stays the same.
Grey, grey days just promising rain,
Indications I've lost control of my brain.
Perhaps I should say I never quite had it,
It's not like you can reach out and grab it.
Trying too hard to do what it takes,
Deliberately remaking all my mistakes,
Is it my fault if I don't choose what breaks?
It's all Tori's fault, her Little Earthquakes.
'Doesn't take much to rip us into pieces.'

How do I get OFF THIS FREAKING HAMSTER WHEEL?

What is the secret?

I'm spinning through my life, running the cliff notes version of Groundhog Day and I'm so freaking sick of it.

Doesn't seem to matter which / what medications or doctors, jobs or locations, it's eventually just another pen dot on a work of pointilism far too vast for me to contemplate. From down here, all the dots are the same.

How do I get out?

How?

how?

hoW? HOW?

hello @Former-Member

through the window we can see many things outside of ourselves

we can see nature

we can see birds

we can see breezes moving plants

we can see things that we have forgotten about deep within us

we can open the window let air flow and breathe

we can close the window when we need and turn away for a while

some of us can hide the window behind curtains or blinds

the window gives us hope

can i share some of this hope with you?

Idris: "Are all people like this?"
The Doctor: "Like what?"
Idris: "So much bigger on the inside."

hello @Former-Member @Appleblossom @Former-Member

---

@GlassWings wrote:

Idris: "Are all people like this?"
The Doctor: "Like what?"
Idris: "So much bigger on the inside."

---

are all people like this? i reply no most definitely not

like what? like each other most definitely not

so much bigger on the inside? that is who they are and there is so much for each of us to discover. what a journey.

I am back on my journey different each time I stop and restart.

here with you xx

Hi GlassWings,

I used to have all the symptoms of autism from my teens to mid 20's , gut problems (leaky gut) leading to neurotoxins and confusion after eating is the big one, then skin sensitivity & pain (peripheral neuropathy), hyper senstive to everything, thyroid, inflammation.

Doctors go through a 5 year degree and learn nothing about how to deal with this but you can stop all the symptoms none the less.

There's rules about posting medical advice but Cranberries saved my life. They have the same thing in them that hospitals use for curing leaky gut. But you need Tuna or something with Selenium in it to go with.

I can talk all day about it but he last thing I was going to say is that 'anger' isn't the boogey monster. You need to let off steam, and for self defence you need to be able to get angry if someone upsets you royally. (pro survival). Exercise with some zinc intake (number 1 thing for autism/aspergers for males) is my best friend.

Mike

@Former-Member you are a strange and uncommon bird my friend, I imagine life must seem very interesting through your eyes.

I fear I am now too deeply mired in convention, and whatever I had to give was given long ago, and foolishly none of it to myself.

Now become a see-saw inside a hamster wheel. Repetitive ups and downs, chances of mind and mood. A flurry of activity that ultimately leaves me in the same place, simply with more splinters in my rear.

@SGde3a thanks for your kind tips.

I don't lean heavily towards 'natural remedies' but I can appreciate the science behind the ones that work, and I'm a big fan of Zinc and Magnesium.

I also appreciate our evolutionionary origins of things like anger, but in response to specific stimulus.

Most anger in the world now though, seems to stem from the angry persons own insecurities and failings that they are usually unconsciously reacting to.

Eg if I say stupid people annoy or anger me, why? Is it because I'm afraid of being like that? Because I was bullied as a kid by stupid kids? Who knows?

. But I'm pretty sure it's not stupid people's fault in general that they annoy me, only my own. So getting angry, especially for no visible reason, makes me angrier because I recognize/ view it as a flaw.

Pretty sure the medications I am on don't help either.

And around I go....

@Former-Member

It's not 'anger' itself, though.

You said stupid people make you angry.. is that because you think they reduce your ultimate survival/flourishment in the world? Also - some people are young and dont know much about the world but are happy and responsible.. and other people are criminals and have barriers up to learning and are typically not responsible.

On anger - there are also people who get angry when they're really excited (use it as motivation), and some who 'fall from heaven' (poetically thor's hammer) through boredom to vicious anger. - If you're normally content/happy/on cloud 9, and want to avoid anger, you probably want to go no lower than finding things 'borring'. - If you find anger motivating, then you probably should get angry all the time and rise above it.. particularly during exercise/running/walking, then sit content afterwards and drill that.

Mike

The only things that would 'get my rage up' was witnessing violence/ bullying towards women, children and the generally helpless.
I was fine with that, that seemed ok to me if that was my main anger trigger.

Now I fly into a rage where I have to concentrate hard not to pick up the stereo and smash it through the wall, just because I can't find my keys.
THIS IS NOT OK.
This is not ME.
And I don't think it falls into any of the natural categories.
I forgotten what my point was anyway. Moving on...