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Touching the darkness

Unknown userMember14 Jan 2017, 8:15 am AEDT

Touching the darkness

Last week I had an experience where I felt the darkness inside of me, like a physical darkness that I did not dare to touch.

For nearly 2 years now I've been remembering a long past of multiple layers of traumas and trying to "compartmentalise" so I can still function. Feeling that darkness that I think in essence is all the locked up feelings has unsettled me. I don't know if it's good or bad - has anyone else ever felt that way?

63 replies

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In response to: Touching the darkness

lolaSenior Contributor15 Jan 2017, 10:56 am AEDT

Re: Touching the darkness

Hi Flower

Lola here, one of the moderators

Sorry to hear that you are experiencing a difficult time and not trusting yourself today.

Is there someone you can talk to today?

And yes, your doctor is not available on Sundays, so first thing tomorrow call and book an appointment. Today you can call 000 for immediate support.

Regards

lola

In response to: Touching the darkness

Unknown userMember15 Jan 2017, 12:22 pm AEDT

Re: Touching the darkness

Hi @lola

I don't know what's going on myself so it's hard to talk to anyone 😞

I've taken some meds (as prescribed) and will sleep now, hopefully I wake up a bit more confident.

In response to: Re: Touching the darkness

SaharaSenior Contributor15 Jan 2017, 3:04 pm AEDT

Re: Touching the darkness

@Former-Member,

I hope you feel better soon. Please let us know you are ok and feel free to talk about anything you need to here.

I have been scared by my own thoughts, too, in the past. It's not a nice place to be... but remember that this is how MI/depression can affect us... it's a symptom of an illness. It's not who you truly are.

Thinking of you.

In response to: Touching the darkness

Unknown userMember15 Jan 2017, 3:57 pm AEDT

Re: Touching the darkness

Hi @Sahara

Meds and sleep helped a little. It's frustrating as we were just planning to very slowly go off that kind of meds (when required). We planned a very slow decrease and now I'm back to square one. I guess I wasn't ready? Perhaps the short break with lower doses at least gave my body a little rest.

I'm doing some chores now. My therapist always wants me to look up and make eye contact so I'll get off the floor and have a look.

Thanks for being there for me.

In response to: Re: Touching the darkness

-Rayne-Senior Contributor15 Jan 2017, 7:19 pm AEDT

Re: Touching the darkness

@Former-Member Can you make a wall? A really high, thick, reinforced one that separates the dark from the lighter places.

In response to: Re: Touching the darkness

SaharaSenior Contributor16 Jan 2017, 7:26 am AEDT

Re: Touching the darkness

@Former-Member,

there is nothing wrong with taking medication that has been prescribed to you by a professional. I had to take heaps of medication in the past and I am glad that I did. There is no way I could have struggled on without it- it spite of what my family and well-meaning friends were telling me. Plenty of people said to me "You shouldn't rely on pills", but these people had no qualifications in mental health and their opinions were not needed or appreciated!

Sometimes our recoveries can take a while. It can be a case of going on and off medication or having to reduce the dose several times before we can come off it or reduce it for good. This in in no way a reflection of you as a person. You are not any less of a good person because you have to take meds or you have to occasionally increase the dose of something.

Some people stay on medication their entire lives and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this! Really, it's just like taking medication for athsma or diabetes.

Flower, how are you today? Are you going to make an appointment with your G.P. today? I hope so. It's a good idea to let people help you. I think you should tell your G.P. about your dark thoughts. You shouldn't have to deal with this alone.

In response to: Touching the darkness

Unknown userMember16 Jan 2017, 9:17 am AEDT

Re: Touching the darkness

Hi @Sahara,

Thanks for your email and for your experience with meds. I think it's one of the reappearing conflicts I have with myself. I have previously been told that I may never get off all my meds again.

I will call my doctor today and I have an appointment with my trauma counsellor this afternoon.

I am so tired of fighting.

In response to: Touching the darkness

Unknown userMember16 Jan 2017, 12:07 pm AEDT

Re: Touching the darkness

Hi @-Rayne-

I don't know what to do anymore. I had these walls and they were crumbling and I want to just build them up again, but it will just get harder?

I'm lost and confused.

In response to: Touching the darkness

Unknown userMember16 Jan 2017, 12:08 pm AEDT