Touching the darkness

@NikNik

I tried to say what I need. The questions just upset me even more so I put the phone down.

Hi @Former-Member
Would chatting to them via the crisis 'chat' option (linked in my post above) they have be any easier?

Hi @NikNik

I've since talked via the chat, when I was in a better state of mind. Suicidecallback usually has an unbearable wait time for online chatting and I only talked to them twice in the last year or so. I don't know if I just had a weird person at lifeline when I called there once ages ago, but I don't call them since. Depending on what upsets me I also struggle whether it's a male or female counsellor.

I feel I should be able to help myself by now and I just cannot and I am embarrassed to call now and when I needed help the other day I was too worried if I called anyone they would send an ambulance. Since I've read somewhere that they actually send the CAT team or an ambulance or the police I've become very guarded. I understand that they have to make sure we stay safe but I disagree to be traumatised by emergency services or a stint in the public hospital mental unit. I feel much more alone since finding out about that part.