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Something’s not right

Time away from forums

creative_writerSenior Contributor

Time away from forums

Hi all

I’ll be spending some time away from the forums since I’m not doing so good, no safety concerns, but I think I’m just simply too much for everyone here on the forums. My emotions are too much. May brain is too much. I don’t want to drown people in my pain, everyone is better off with me off the forums. I hope our paths cross again. Will say goodbye and wish you all the best. Sorry for being a pain

creative_writer

324 replies

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In response to: Time away from forums

creative_writerSenior Contributor

Re: Time away from forums

@tyme I didn’t discuss AVPD as a diagnosis today in my psych session, but spoke about the avoidance behaviour I engage in. It’s just scary being vulnerable, but sometimes you need someone to tell you that you need to slowly break the cycle in order to get unstuck. I feel so strange for saying I don’t feel fully safe in therapy, like is there something wrong with me?

In response to: Re: Time away from forums

tymeModerator

Re: Time away from forums

I personally believe recovery is about taking measured risks, and taking measured risks can make someone feel unsafe. If this is what you are experiencing, maybe it's a step in the right direction? Of course, you know yourself when it's too much, and you have the right to put a pause on it @creative_writer

In response to: Re: Time away from forums

creative_writerSenior Contributor

Re: Time away from forums

@tyme it’s really hard to re-wire my brain to thinking I’m okay. Fear of not belonging is real. Fear of belonging and rejection go hand in hand. I remember feeling as though I belonged nowhere as a kid. Was considered “too different”. When a kid doesn’t understand why they are different, they internalise it. I remember all the years I was invalidated for feeling that way I did, so learnt to hide it to help others feel comfortable

In response to: Re: Time away from forums

creative_writerSenior Contributor

Re: Time away from forums

I wonder whether it’s in my head I don’t connect with others. I know in order to move forward I must be vulnerable with others. There are people who feel safer, but they are rare. The safer people don’t live close to me either, so it’s not the same. Messages feel like too much effort especially if you’re behind the screen during the day, it just doesn’t feel natural. On the weekend I feel too exhausted to socialise, my social battery is low. I don’t even know how to move forward to be honest. I don’t feel comfortable with forming close relationships with people on placement because I want to keep my emotional shit separate to work

In response to: Time away from forums

SnowieSenior Contributor

Re: Time away from forums

Hi @creative_writer

Hoping today goes ok for you hon 💗💗

In response to: Re: Time away from forums

creative_writerSenior Contributor

Re: Time away from forums

Intrusive thought have been worse lately. I feel tempted to do things I shouldn't, maybe I am craving a dopamine rush. I am safe for now

In response to: Re: Time away from forums

RiverSealModerator

Re: Time away from forums

Hey @creative_writer, sorry to hear that you are feeling like this today! What do you think you can do to stay safe and maybe distract your thoughts? What about reaching out to your friends in the Forums community and staying connected for a while?

Thanks for letting the community know that you are safe for now! ❤️

Sitting with you today!

RiverSeal

In response to: Re: Time away from forums

creative_writerSenior Contributor

Re: Time away from forums

@RiverSeal it's probably a distress tolerance thing, intrusive trauma thoughts aren't easy to sit with. It's also dark and bleak in Melbourne which isn't helping.

I'll probably have lunch soon and maybe watch some TV. I also want to take a shower today, it's been a few days. Do you have plans for today?

In response to: Re: Time away from forums

RiverSealModerator

Re: Time away from forums

Sounds like you have a good plan @creative_writer! Showering will be nice, and I always feel fresher afterwards when I let it go a bit for a few days.

I just have my chores to do like washing and clearing my bed of clean clothes so I can sleep on more than a corner.

Yeah, it's a rainy day here in Melbourne and I like to think of it as cleansing the city so we can enjoy the next sunny day with a clean environment.

Keep me posted if things change for you today! ❤️

RiverSeal

In response to: Re: Time away from forums

creative_writerSenior Contributor

Re: Time away from forums

@RiverSeal sometimes small things make a difference as they provide a good distraction. It’s still hard to shake these intrusive thoughts because they always come back
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