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Where to go for mental health help when you keep getting handballed?

Where to go for mental health help when you keep getting handballed?

At wit's end seeking mental health support.

I'm rural, and have been seeking help for four years right now, and either end up with people who are bad at what they do, who try and "gaslight" my problems away (they think it's how I think about my problems, not that I actually have problems, so I should just change how I think, which... isn't an approach I find viable or relevant to me). Otherwise, they handball me onwards, stating that I need serious psychiatric help they can't provide and that I need to be escalated: but there is nowhere to escalate me to, because the local hospital underwent an amalgamation with a large regional centre (Ballarat) and as a result don't bother following the Statewide Mental Health Triage Scale anymore (stories floating around here in rural Victoria are really not good: people who are way worse than me are not being seen until they end up in police custody instead of being dealt with when they seek help a week or two earlier, over and over, in violation of the hospital's own policies, but nobody cares).

The very, very few people who seem to listen generally have no idea what to do and tend to be a bit patronising (ie the SANE peer support worker I spoke to for a little bit). They'll listen to me for an hour or two, then throw me a few links to online psychology portals, saying maybe I can find someone to talk to there, not understanding that I have done this before. More than once.

I don't even know where to go anymore. I am completely out of options at this point, and I am utterly exhausted. Everyone keeps telling me the only people who should be helping me right now are the hospital's mental health service, but they aren't following their own triage guidelines and have implied unless I start talking about hurting myself or anyone else, that I should just ring lifeline, and I am just so very tired of doing this.

I was seeing a social worker through the "Step Thru Care" program as a "temporary" measure who does listen, but they have nowhere to send me and don't know what to do either? Just a case of "you are beyond me, let me google where I might send you... oh, there's nowhere, oops" yeah, no. Please no. We've been through this!

Do I make a scene? I have a former partner with BPD who said that helped her get attention, but it seems immature? But I have nowhere else. I keep getting referred from person to person, service to service and everyone tells me to contact area mental health at the hospital, not understanding they have had all their resources stripped and cannot deal with even the most pressing cases let alone someone like me (who isn't a threat to themselves or others).

It's almost four years now. It's just so hard and I have no ideas left, neither does anyone I talk to. I'm sick of being kicked around and patronised.

Just completely at my limit. Who do I talk to? Where do I go for help? I don't want to do this anymore?

Basically what I'm asking: has anyone else had any experience being thrown around, and if you managed to actually get through to someone, what did it take? How did you do it? Where?

Important to note: I don't want to say what my diagnoses are, but I will say I do not have a cluster B diagnosis (I have pulled my psych records to try and figure out why I kept getting handed off, that ain't it). The main reason is that most psychologists and therapists are trained in the cheapest and quickest to deliver modality of therapy, which has significant flaws and doesn't work at all for specific populations.

16 replies

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In response to: Where to go for mental health help when you keep getting handballed?

Re: Where to go for mental health help when you keep getting handballed?

I can certainly relate @goatlatte . I have BPD, and the stigma that it carries meant I was thrown from pillar to post and left outside hospital doors with no where to go. It was a horrific experience to which I still suffer from today.

However, I'm in a much better place now. You know what it was? After years and years of being pushed around, I found ONE person who cared. It only took ONE. And that was the beginning of getting help.

All I needed was that one person and from there, I was linked in with the best services. All of the many people I saw before were not helpful at all...

I'm so grateful for the person who treated me as a person and not a case. That's why I'm here. They didn't give up on me and genuinely wanted to help me.

I hope you find that ONE person who can help you.

Please don't give up.

In response to: Where to go for mental health help when you keep getting handballed?

Re: Where to go for mental health help when you keep getting handballed?

Hi @goatlatte have you spoken to your GP about online Telehealth services like Call to mind. Just a thought. I’m sorry the system is letting you down and truly hope you receive the support you deserve sooner rather than later. Wish there was more I could suggest 🙏

In response to: Where to go for mental health help when you keep getting handballed?

Re: Where to go for mental health help when you keep getting handballed?

Hi @goatlatte

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. Its so hard to get hand balled from one practitioner to another. I think on one hand its good that they recognise that the treatment you need is beyond their capabilities and try and find someone else that may be able to help you, but on the other hand its terrible that you are not receiving any support at all because of this and it sounds like there is no follow up.

It understandable that you are tired and sick of being pushed from pillar to post trying to get the help and support you need.

Like @tyme said it only takes one person to care enough to see it through and help you. I hope that you find this person soon. It really does make all the difference when you have that support and understanding behind you.

It also sounds like the therapy that you have tried might not be the right modality for your specific needs. Have you been able to determine what treatment/therapy you might like to try/you think may be beneficial for you? If you can pinpoint something that you think might help, could you try and find someone who practices in this modality and get a referral to see them?

Have you been in contact with the Acute Community Intervention Service (ACIS)? They can triage over the phone and once they determine what supports you need can refer you to other professionals that may be beneficial for your individual needs.

I really hope that you find the support and help you need soon. It sounds like its been such a long and tiring journey for you.

Warm regards

SkySeeker22

In response to: Where to go for mental health help when you keep getting handballed?

Re: Where to go for mental health help when you keep getting handballed?

Hey @goatlatte,

I really feel and hear the frustration in your post, and it is so warranted. You're right about how inaccessible, hoop jumping and handballing mental health services can feel at times, and that it can appear people need to be at the point of crisis before getting the right intervention, which isn't right.

I know what it's like to have difficulty accessing services and finding the right supports, I didn't have a very good experience with community mental health, psychologists I was referred to, or many of the recommended mental health resources either, so I'm not going to recommend another service or resource. However when I reached a point of frustration, I decided to take my recovery into my own hands. At the end of the day we are the experts of our own lives and experiences, we just need a little support.

Like others said it only takes one person who cares to make a world of difference. I found an extremely supportive and knowledgeable GP and I'd go to him with my ideas for therapies, medications, treatments, and he helped make it happen. I've been seeing him for over 2 years now and consider him like family. But before him my mental health outlook was pretty bleak too.

The other thing I got from your post is you sound really determined, so don't give up, I can hear you want this. The right support will be out there for you, I'm sorry you're having a hard time getting there but you will, they are out there 💜

In response to: Re: Where to go for mental health help when you keep getting handballed?

Re: Where to go for mental health help when you keep getting handballed?

Hey @goatlatte , How are you going?

In response to: Re: Where to go for mental health help when you keep getting handballed?

Re: Where to go for mental health help when you keep getting handballed?

Unfortunately I've tried a lot of telehealth services: I am quite rural, so there's not much else. My general experience goes something like this:

I say right at the start "Please don't use CBT or mindfulness on me"

... and before the end of the first session, they're trying to get me to do grounding techniques, to close my eyes and focus on my breath, after I explicitly ask them not to do that? And it costs money, and time, and emotional energy, and I've done it more than once. 😞

I used to think "I am the problem" but I don't really think that so much anymore: I think most people are trained in a specific manner, and "when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail"...

In response to: Re: Where to go for mental health help when you keep getting handballed?

Re: Where to go for mental health help when you keep getting handballed?

Hey @goatlatte ,

I can certainly think back and relate to what you said about people asking me to do mindfulness. I used to get so triggered and angry. I felt like an idiot doing it, so I would also tell people not to ask me to do it.

It felt like they were trivialises my experiences and telling me to 'smell the roses' instead.

BUT..... years later (I was in a better headspace by then), I watched a documentary and studied what mindfulness does to the brain... THEN, the tables turned.

I won't say I LOVE it, but I can see how it can make a difference.

Please note, I'm not telling you to practice mindfulness nor CBT.

What I found most helpful was ACT. This was about learning to sit with the unpleasantness and working with it rather than pushing it away.

Do you find talking to people here on the forums helps 'get it off your chest' a little?

In response to: Re: Where to go for mental health help when you keep getting handballed?

Re: Where to go for mental health help when you keep getting handballed?

Not great. I spoke with someone from the PHN today for about 45 minutes who came across as invested during the conversation but was incredibly unhelpful in the end.

A while ago, someone from the PHN had contacted my social worker at the time, and myself, and said they were working on a transfer... then vanished? This caused me quite a bit of stress. So I complained to the PHN, who continually said "we have no idea what you're talking about" until... someone in management got back to me and said they knew exactly what I was talking about, but they didn't actually... explain how it happened, that someone reached out then "ghosted" my social worker and myself? That's not okay? You can't stuff people around like that? I wasted half a year waiting on a transfer that was never coming?

But part of that conversation was the PHN person seeming to string me along for ages, then just... did the exact, specific thing I asked her not to do: give me information about random online psychology search portals, I'd explicitly pointed out that was how people had sortof "handballed" me off in the past and that I really, really did not want to be put in that position because I'd already been down that path... and I said I really needed, explicitly, to be hooked up with someone who could help me navigate service access? She sortof pushed back and said I can't have tried them all, and she then just emailed me a list of places I'd already tried and had pretty bad experiences with (or had turned me away and said my issues are not things they want to take on)? I know I communicated clearly because I took notes as I was speaking through most of it and was very clear on letting her know that if they were going to send me links to services that "search portals" for psychologists would not be taken positively and she just up and did it anyway? I don't understand.

I feel as if I've exhausted every single thing and things like this just make it so much worse? Like I know I'm clear on points like this? Don't give me CBT, don't give me mindfulness, don't tell me to "google it" or direct me to online search portals, we're fine, I'll do anything else that you tell me to... I don't think I'm remotely being unreasonable? I'm just so tired of this.

I have no idea what next steps are? I have a former partner who had BPD who has ideas, but they seem really childish and attention seeking so I'd rather not? But that's literally the only "actionable" advice anyone has given me? I'm just so tired of all of this.

In response to: Re: Where to go for mental health help when you keep getting handballed?

Re: Where to go for mental health help when you keep getting handballed?

I don't think it helps, but I don't know what else to do. Where do I go? Who do I call? People just send me around in a circle. I have been doing this for several years now? Who else do I even ask outside of smashing my keyboard at strangers on the internet?

In response to: Re: Where to go for mental health help when you keep getting handballed?

Re: Where to go for mental health help when you keep getting handballed?

Hey @goatlatte ,

I hear how hard it sounds. Can I ask, what sort of support are you looking for?

I'm a little confused and would like to help, but I'm not quite sure what you'd like to achieve. Please don't take this negatively. I just want to clarify.

I know you mentioned your former partner had BPD, but I'm assuming, that's not so much the issue?

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