over it

Hi @younglawyer. Sure seems like you are filling your helping others quota and it's exhausting you rather than nourishing you. Could it be that you are so depleted because you are giving and giving to everyone else except yourself? Aside from the practical aspects of life - job troubles, study troubles etc, is there a way that you can make some more room for self-care?

i think it's very easy for a naturally caring person to get caught up in catering to everyone else's needs in the hope that once everybody around us is happy and satisfied, then there'll be room for us to be happy and satisfied too. That old 'putting others first' thing. And then when we find that our needs aren't being met, we can descend into any number of reactions from anger at not having our needs met or our contribution recognised to despair at being exhausted and not getting the outcomes we want from all the effort we are putting in.

I don't know if this rings true for you or not, but I know when I realised I was like that myself, I then didn't know HOW to give to myself in order to build up the internal resources to help others. I was reaching burn out again and again. Craving someone else to come along and nurture me. Kind words, encouragement, validation, rest, support. It was a revelation to discover ways to give those things to myself.

It seemed like external circumstances were the problem, but it was really my internal landscape that was barren. Once I started to give to myself, external circumstances shifted. Or my view of them did.

You are already incredibly conscientious in your work and study, and you clearly have a highly developed social conscience and sense of purpose. Your frustration at trying and trying and not getting the results you hope for is understandable. Maybe there is a way you can work on just making yourself feel better without a change in external circumstances. Self care. Self nourishment. Self compassion.

@Former-Member, @getbetter, @Former-Member, @Former-Member does anyone here have ideas about how to restore a sense of balance and calm and joy from self care practices? For me, it's taking time out to be with people who validate and uplift and inspire me, being with animals, water water water, being in nature, hobbies, personal grooming stuff like massage and haircuts, loving kindness meditation, yoga.

Forgive me if all you really want is to have a good whinge and my ideas get in the way of that. Don't want to put the kibosh on your freedom to whinge! Venting lets some off the pressure out of the pressure cooker that's for sure.......

Mine is reading books,my cats walking the bush.I have not got the interest in volunteering my time,I have no tolerance,and from learned experiences in the past,find people use you and I no longer get satisfaction from pleasing others,it is too exhausting.I wanted to be a support worker as well but now undecided.I imagine it's a difficult job,but I do envy those with Down Syndrome etc because they are happy a lot of the time with what they have and make the most of it.If volunteering works for you that's great,but it is like religious beliefs,you can't push it on to people which I have had from "do gooders"who think it's the answer for my problems...It's not.Maybe young lawyer take a break or do have self care in place,a lot of workers suffer burn out in these jobs.

Thank you for calling me out @Former-Member.

I have clearly crossed the line between sharing some ideas and insights that have worked for me personally in my struggle with MI into being a 'pushy do-gooder'.

My apologies. I will refrain from posting and wish @younglawyer all the very best in finding practical solutions that work for you personally to get through a difficult period of burn out and thwarted ambitions. There will be people in this forum who's suggestions ARE helpful for you.

hello @younglawyer

I understand exactly everything that you are saying.

I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder (new name) used to be major depression and before that clinical depression.

all i know is that it is depression big time.

i have to practise smiling which is very hard to do. i dont realise that my facial muscles have dropped in sadness. smiling is a physical effort.

talking to my husband is an effort. i feel very irritated and angry with everyone.

i am back in self-loathing mode.

i force myself to go outside of the house. I work from home when i am working.

i am an avid walker when depression hasnt taken over me. i have not been able to go for a walk since october. how stupid is that! one foot in front of the other and guess what one is walking. i can only walk around the property, we are on acreage, some of the time. plus i am petrified of snakes and am convinced that one is going to be waiting for me.

music helps me often. makes me cry very hard but at least there is some relief.

i normally love cooking and gardening. not interested in the least at the moment.

i can stil read though thank goodness so losing myself in a book does help. i read everynight before i go to sleep. then when i feel tired i play my flute music and most nights drift off to dream.

i wish for you some relief from "it" there is no magic cure. i have had relief in the past. i just seem to be experiencing awful things externally too often and this is allows "it" to creep back.

the biggest thing that has helped me is pushing through for my family.

so whether it be walking, swimming, cycling, gardening, reading, cooking, dancing, writing, singing, composing, performing, dancing, acting plus much much more, i wish for you to find some joy again. it will come i know i have been out of this before. look inside yourself and believe in you.

you are the one who is going to battle "it" and use the anger to fight back, in a safe way.

I hope that you have a good psychiatrist or psychologist. one who really listens and lets you rant and rave if you need to.

keep posting - this is a form of therapy

I did not call you out Heavenly Queen do not stop posting it was not a personal remark at you.It is a comment from my own personal experiences as someone who has had struggles and nothing goes right eg:back earlier last year had someone who is related but I didn't know come to my door to buy my treadmill, which I hated selling at the time.She stuck her nose into my personal business,and shoved a volunteer form in my hand.She was the coordinator at the time.She said she was "helping".It was clear she was making herself feel good at the same time.It wasn't "help".I was struggling and upset at selling my treadmill at the time it wasn't the time for her crap.We are all entitled to our own opinions,but we need to respect our differences at the same time.Don't stop posting, it's a sore point with me.Im ashamed of being unemployed and in a small town with my anxiety I could not handle the stigma of it.It might sound like I am one who is a whinger.Each to their own.

Mohill, I was a avid walker too went tonight yesterday was one of those I don't want to leave the bedroom days and distressed.Its something we don't want to be like.Hope things get better for you.

All I can say is I hope I can get to a similar place.I hear you,and have refused antidepressants because they please the doctor and psychologist if you take them but for me I realised they couldn't fix my problems,false hope, Psychologist,mental health people who play God ,making judgements,filling your head with optimistic crap and to find that all you got out of 1 hour session was a red and snotty nose from crying and using their crap tissues .Then the alarm on their mobile goes off on their mobile and the relationship ends,.All I see is hopelessness,and it scares the crap out of me .I am not religious,but sounds like Heavenly Queen you have found a sense of peace.Not being at peace with yourself is hell.