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Something’s not right

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I don't have a cool title for this.

I an tired and sick of myself.

So what do I do...I make it worse.

I was upset when I got home late last night. Instead of doing what I should have and just go to bed, I hurt myself and end up in hospital. Making the situation worse.

I feel like all my carers hate me. That they are tired of me and my risk to self. My carer is angry at me about the incidents of early hours of the morning. So many carers have quit because of me over the years.

That's not even my problem. I feel frustrated at myself that I am not recovering. And in the 15 years I'm battling self harm and suicide that the world doesn't trust me and my friends family carers dint trust me. I am not supposed to be left alone.

I thought pursuing my dreams and therapy would change my thoughts and behaviours. But I feel so messed and broken. Do I even deserve to pursue it all and even life anymore.

I'm getting so physically sick all the time because of my self harm. I'm just a drain on society. I should just quit.

180 replies

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@lavenderhaze idk what to say.

I feel overwhelmed. Frustrated. Fed up. Hating myself. Tired. I feel like what is the point in trying. I'm nearly as bad as I was last week. Idk.

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Oh, @The-red-centaur, I can hear how hard things are for you right now, and I am so sorry. I wish I could do something to make it all better. Sitting with you ❤️

It must be challenging when you can't reach your team, and the carer is not very helpful

I am worried for you, I'll send you an email to check in privately if that's okay?

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K

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Sent an email @The-red-centaur

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Hi @The-red-centaur . I'm holding you in my thoughts. And trying to relate. The only kind of physical risk I bring to myself is that I sometimes avoid confrontation until my body is doing the talking. Waiting for my body to express the tension I'm feeling. Physical symptoms might be more convincing for some people. And since I've been having heart palpitations again I'm pretty much not talking until I get that back under control. I do look for or come across memes or articles or songs that help me cope and express the bare minimum. And that's how I'm finding my boundaries - my heart health. Is there anything you can reliably rely on to know when boundaries are getting too stretched before returning to this precarious point in your state of mind and behaviour?

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All this painting has inspired me for this mother's day, very basic as I'm not an artist but enough to make a little card that matches the present and I'm very pleased with the result and enjoyed the process of blending my daughter's basic paint set after having a quick look online and having a practice first. This has been very good for my mental health ☺️

 

 

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Thanks for sharing @BossBaby ! That's so lovely!

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@BossBaby that's amazing!!

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I have stuff I wanna say. But the words don't come.

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I am so distressed....nothing makes sense anymore

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