A strange dream and it's meaning...

@utopia,

I can so relate toyou finding normal conversations boring. I do too! At Christmas time in this house of mine all the conversation seemed to be around iPads, drones, Netflix and all this kind of technology stuff.... but I couldn't take it all in because I don't understand it and I don't care.

I don't even have a smart phone. I have an ordinary old mobile phone. I have an old lap-top that I use for the Internet, but I had to buy it when I was studying at uni - I don't ever plan to update it, until it carks it completely.

These things just don't interest me.

A few times, over Xmas, I said "I saw the most interesting documentary the other day..... I think it was on SBS" - then I realised no-one cares about interesting documentaries. People's eyes just glaze over! They just want to talk about their possessions and how much their possessions mean to them.

Luckily, I could hide in the kitchen most of Christmas.

Yes, @utopia, it must be hard when your best friend doesn't get you... she is more interested in superficial stuff... I guess so many people are going down that path, these days... you have to try to just enjoy her company. And accept her.

I am lucky that my best friend is very interested in psychology and we spend a lot of time "studying" each other's psychological issues! We find it endlessly fascinating.

The other woman, the one form the dream- I mean, my goodness, you should see her - she has massive psychological issues but she can't see them herself or acknowledge them at all. My friend and I both think her issues are really obvious (not that we are qualified to do so), but the woman herself does not see them. That's why I find it hard to relate to her, I think.

@Appleblossom,

that is such a cute story about your son and the Chrissy card you bought him! I good way to bond- over a silly joke.

Hi @Sahara

We live in a materialistic world where things are being loved instead of people. The 1980s (greed is good) took hold of us and never let go!

as to other people's psychological issues...I think it takes a big jolt for most of us to recognise that our minds have gone haywire. The jolt shakes us awake and we start to investigate this stuff. And take responsibility for our own healing. Even an 'expert' diagnosis might not be sufficient to wake someone up, as our natural human inclination is to rail against it. Fight it. Want someone or something to 'get rid of it for me'. Know what I mean?

Personally, I couldn't understand my own behavioural and psychological reactions to years of psychological manipulation by my intimate other - predominantly lying about absolutely everything, but also a whole complex of manipulative stuff - until the situation escalated to insane levels and the whole scam blew up in my face. And I think there are an awful lot of women who are trapped in relationships with exploitative manipulators. Just look at the domestic violence statistics (which don't include non-violent abuse). 1 in 4 women? Oh, come on guys! A person obsessed with having power and control over others to elevate their own ego-based self-image has to have someone to exert power and control over.......

And with those statistics, it is probably happening to someone we all know.

Nowadays, via my own personal bias, when I see someone who is self-medicating with alcohol or behaving non-sensically, I tend to wonder about the circumstances and influences AROUND that person, rather than look for the cause in the person. Not that it's any of my business.

Victim blaming is a sad fact of our human condition, and when it happened to me, I decided to examine the phenomenon closely, and try to refrain from doing it myself anymore - if I ever had in the past. Not insinuating that this is what you ARE doing. Just throwing an angle for compassion into the mix re your friend's friend.

The thing about covert psychological manipulation (abuse) is that it is COVERT. No one can see it, not even the victim. They just get very confused and angry and filled with self-loathing and don't know why. And then try to cover it over by whatever means works for them. In short, and at the risk of being controversial, other people can drive us nuts!

PS But there is an antidote. Awareness.

Thanks @Former-Member,

I'm glad you wrote this as it has made me think. My friend from the dream actually is in a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship with her husband. This is part of the reason that she has 'been going through a rough patch' (as I called it) for the past 15 years.

The other part of the reason is that she probably suffered post natal depression that went undiagnosed and untreated 15 years ago and it's led to ongoing anxiety.

The thing is... I hear about all this second-hand (from my best friend) but she, herself, doesn't really tell me anything much. She calls me and off-loads a lot of stuff... mainly endless anxieties about her teenager, but she doesn't ever seem to make any decisions, changes or get anywhere.

Finally, now, after 15 years, she is actually seeing a psychologist but she has not told me anything more about it... I don't even know if she is still going. The reason she gives for seeing a psychologist is to discuss her teenager and her teenager's behavior.

As far as I can tell (and it's difficult and confusing to tell anything)-

1. She does not realise that she is in an abusive marriage. She thinks her marriage is 'normal.'

2. Even though she has been admitted to hospital through the ED for severe panic attacks on multiple occasions, she does not think she suffers from anxiety and does not seek any treatment for it.

3. Even though her teenager is seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist and has been admitted to hospital via an ambulance for severe panic attacks... she claims her teenager "does not have mental health problems." ???? (I'd like to know what the teenager does have???)

But yes, ... she is a good soul. She tries her best. I really hope she has made progress with her psychologist, but she never mentions her visits so I am kind of thinking she has stopped going. I dare not ask, as I don't want to venture an opinion on anything anymore.

My best friend tells me quite a bit, but she stops short of betraying this woman's confidence, which is good.

But I'm glad you made me think about things and explain the situation a bit more. And believe me, I do feel compassion for her... I just can't connect with her.

I love SBS

Before when others mentioned it I wasnt up to have time to watch docos .. now I can.

Often catch the bandwagon a few years late ..

So glad I am in good company ..

Yes I love D&M

that doesnt mean I cant have fun

Learning to do that too

@Former-Member,

I also wanted to say that I'm very sorry to hear that you had to suffer manipulation and abuse from your ex-partner. My ex-partner was also very manipulative and a liar.

Strangely, for the most part, I actually knew exactly what he was like! I used to turn a blind eye and probably didn't realise the extent of his lies until I left him, but, yeah.... I knew what he was like. I always felt that ultimately I was in charge of my own destiny and in the back of my mind, I always thought I would leave him....

I can hardly explain to you why I would consciously want to live this way, in such a relationship... it's very unusual. I think even my psychiatrist was a bit perplexed about why I stayed with him.

I had a lot of psychological issues, mainly due to the way I was raised... to be very obedient above all and to "put up with" unpleasant situations/people.

Again, I am very sorry to hear what happened to you. x

@Appleblossom, do you watch that new SBS channel "Viceland" or whatever it's called? It's for young folk, but it's really good!

@Sahara. I think there are probably a lot of women who stay in such relationships. As many as those who don't see it happening. Human behaviour and motivation is so complex.

i get it that you have no connection but have compassion for your trapped friend.

I notice you identify as being in charge of your own destiny. Not everybody is so fortunate. I learnt helplessness as a child and always sought help and support from others and didn't know how to help and support myself. I feel trapped, helpless and hopeless.

Also, would you believe that I didn't really identify my PTSD as being 'mental illness' until just recently? Now that's nuts! But who wants to admit it? I just kind of didn't link the emotional and psychological suffering with the term, MI.

anyway, sorry @Appleblossom and @utopia. I didn't mean to hijack your dream conversation.

over and out.