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Fear

peaceSenior Contributor14 Dec 2014, 2:57 pm AEDT

Fear

I hate it when I get scared and so fearfull of life. ANXIETY is driving me into hell. Panic attacks that last for days with no relief. I am frightened. Fear is soul destroying. I have to be ok I have to work or everything will be lost and I will live in the street again. My daughter and her baby son need me. My beloved ex is needing a liver transplant, on top of the list, he needs me to go and help him recover. Damn it I can't even take care of my dog. Oh so scared and trapped. So overwhelmed by this life. I am pathetically useless. So hate being me. So hate life. So over it. Over over over.....Please.
God grant me peace.

56 replies

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In response to: Fear

hiddeniteSenior Contributor22 Mar 2015, 7:08 pm AEDT

Re: Fear

Hi peace
im sorry things are not going so well. New meds are awful it takes so long for the body to adjust.
I've had 14 different medication changes in the last month.
Struggling big time.
You need to persist, remember we are right here by your side and not going through this alone.
take care stay safe
karen

In response to: Fear

peaceSenior Contributor22 Mar 2015, 8:49 pm AEDT

Re: Fear

@hiddenite thank you so much. I think I read your in hospital atm. My psychiatrist suggested that for me yet he couldn't treat me as I would need private hospital cover. I am scared of hospitals in general but I guess I been there before but it was private. Wish I never let go of that cover. I hope you are being treated ok. I am glad you have Kristen 's support. She is so amazing. I don't understand why or what is happening to me. Once again today I was told that it was what I want. Grr how could anyone possibly think we want to feel like this......
Bless you Karen

In response to: Fear

hiddeniteSenior Contributor22 Mar 2015, 9:40 pm AEDT

Re: Fear

Hey peace
im in the Mhu.
I would much prefer to be in a private hospital.
Kristin is amazing.
No one wants to feel like this , its pure torture.
People don't understand
please take care
karen

In response to: Re: Fear

kristinSenior Contributor22 Mar 2015, 9:56 pm AEDT

Re: Fear

Hi @peace @hiddenite

Thanks for the lovely compliments, I think you are both amazing too.

Peace that sounds horrible. SO sorry about somebody needing their mouth washed out - maybe you could offer them your shoes and they could try to walk a mile in them?

Last night I mentioned these pictures I drew yesterday down by the river. I can't remember whose thread ("blog") I posted about them on, it may have been @sara 's or @PeppiPatty 's. But anyway when I remember I'll link it to here. So here they are (with typing to make the impossible task of reading my very scrappy hurried writing unnecessary) - How to Climb a Mountain: 1 is the "normal" way (really? don't think so!)

2 is The MI way (The journey is real! and worthwhile)

I guess I could have posted them in the doodle chronicles blog, as I expect @Rick would appreciate them (thinking of you too my friend, praying for wellness).

Hope for friends to share the journey endures...

Kindest regards,

Kristin

In response to: Fear

peaceSenior Contributor22 Mar 2015, 10:29 pm AEDT

Re: Fear

Oh @Kristen that doodles is amazing as my daughter showed me a similar one today too. I need to accept that its a long and windy road. Its hard. But Kristen yes having friends to share the journey with is such a blessing upon my heart.

In response to: Re: Fear

Jon22Contributor24 Mar 2015, 8:00 pm AEDT

Re: Fear

@kristin
That drawing defines life.
It's really hard to climb at the top, so many downs to face and experience, but it is worth it when you are able to cope with them.

In response to: Re: Fear

PeppiPattySenior Contributor24 Mar 2015, 10:30 pm AEDT

Re: Fear

It was me....I feel famous...

Dear @kristin, how are you?

Dear @hiddenite and @peace,

thinking about you.

How are you?
I've handsewn some flag thingys and hung them on the wall.

. @kristin, they are groovy pictures and isn't it correct hey........

how are your daughters @kristin?

I like reading Laing. he has this book called 'Knots,' which you can order online very cheap and it's very interesting to read. He writes like a woman and man talking together.....Can't remember the whole book buts it's all about experience and I think it's like what your picture is like @kristin..... Just a tic, let me check on Amazon...... Yes, the book looks popular. It's called 'Knots,' by Laing. It's written in 1970.

In response to: Re: Fear

PeppiPattySenior Contributor25 Mar 2015, 2:47 pm AEDT

Re: Fear

can you tell the book that you wrote @kristin?? I keep on reminding myself to purchase it but haven't because of other bits of life interfering.....:0)

In response to: Fear

peaceSenior Contributor26 Mar 2015, 2:54 am AEDT

Re: Fear

Hi All just wanted to let you know that I am feeling much stronger today. HAPPY Yay!
Yeah this damn roller-coaster is a really evil ride. Maybe one day I can give it a name. Not to name and shame. To name and comfort. To name and understand. So a deep breath as I once again return to business as usual.
Blessings to All and Gratitude too.

In response to: Re: Fear

kristinSenior Contributor26 Mar 2015, 9:29 am AEDT

Re: Fear

Hey @peace

That is such good news. Thanks for sharing that. I think you are right, having a name for what puts us onto the rollercoaster is helpful in naming,understanding and holding the whole experience differently. It gives us some handles on it, and we can then handle it more gently and insightfully.

Hope for "handles" on our triggers endures...

Kind regards,

Kristin

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