Unknown userMember
Church Matters (no mockers please)
Don't want to be glum, for the good news far outweighs the bad ATM!!! But my VC came Tuesday (sometimes i think she just needs to go 'off' at someone), she lectured me again about missing so much church (even though I told her I don't like travelling out of town and prefer to visit the local Anglican and their mid week groups. She prattled on about how she's been "coming here to visit me almost every week since my girl died and not going to her church more us like a SLAP IN THE FACE (that part really get to me), I could never repay her for all that she's done but don't want my choice of church dictated by 'payback' either. Its a troubled small group that I can't get into now, and I've tried to befriend each one of the ladies with little response. My VC doesn't get that I want to be part of their life, not just locked into that 2hrs a week. She thinks that's too much to expect when everyone's so busy 'workin' when I am not. I joked "God forbid anyone does something without getting paid for it" That was a mistake, got a tongue lashing over that one too. aother "slap in the face" she said. Oops! They all have money in the church, they're own fine homes, property, private health cover, cars, bikes, water skis, holidays overseas and everywhere (another reason they don't have time for me). When I suggested that perhaps giving up some assets might allow them to work less hours (no time for others, burned out, health woes etc), well, I got blasted. I reminded her people lice in grass huts and have time for each other and that I manage on less than 400 here by myself. Oh no, another blast!!! "Well you don't have to pay taxes" blar blar blar. She might be my only visiting friend, but honestly?? Is she right? Have I got it all wrong? What happens to love and praying together and truth? I am within my rights not to travel out of my own to church. I've always wanted community, am wrll enough for it now and doubt I'll find it when I live away, especially with my car playing up. A couple of the others have expressed concern I'll go somewhere with wrong teaching. Its a hard call. I don't like how they already know my business all the time and form opinions. The widow I've befriended (now she's retired) has felt tawn between the group and going elsewhere with her daughter and grandchildren. Safly she feels the same as me. She lives 5min away from them and shocked me recently when she said not one of them visited her after her husband died (she's felt so left out of the click apparently), he was the talker. I asked her what her husband would say to do? It was lime a lightbulb went off in her head and she is happy now going to church with her daughter (my bad?)
Anyway, my VC visit was a negotiation of understanding and she thinks we'll never agree on the matter (still not quite sure exactly what that really is). I reminded her I see her as a friend and a sister on the Lord, and could never repay these years of her watching over me when NO family could in my time of need. Maybe we can agree to disagree I suggested, but even that was buffed. As she left she said with relief "well I'm glad we had this conversation" Hmm, it was a reflex, tongue in cheek I said "feel like you've put me in my place do you?" She huffed off at that and didn't wave as she left. She hasn't answered my ladt tx or let me know where church was if I wanted to go (they meet in homes, it changes nearly every week).
I don't know how to process it. It feels like I've lost a friend, my only visiting friend really. But somehow I'm not desperately anxious about it as before (being alone), built up other supports maybe, but its sad, and it hurts that she's angry with me rather than loving.
All the times I have lovingly nurtured her as a friend and sister in the Lord, all the health advise (nursing), even thought she has husband and two adult daughters and family in the church. All the times she called in here after work offloading the day's stress when I myself was so desperate to talk (lonely) but couldn't. And all the coffees I made her.
Now, it seems I was a church charity case (not a friend and its hurting), a 'duty' that's dropped like a hot brick if I stop going there. What's with that? Like my sister disowning me - I don't know how this is so if they cared. Its not as if I'm abusive etc. Me sad.
Anyway, any thoughts on the matter? Am I doing wrong? My VC also lectured me several times declaring me 'disobedient' to God, 'rebellious' even, to miss church so much (I don't see the need for every Sunday).
Thanks for listening, opened a can of worms I think 🙂
Anyway, my VC visit was a negotiation of understanding and she thinks we'll never agree on the matter (still not quite sure exactly what that really is). I reminded her I see her as a friend and a sister on the Lord, and could never repay these years of her watching over me when NO family could in my time of need. Maybe we can agree to disagree I suggested, but even that was buffed. As she left she said with relief "well I'm glad we had this conversation" Hmm, it was a reflex, tongue in cheek I said "feel like you've put me in my place do you?" She huffed off at that and didn't wave as she left. She hasn't answered my ladt tx or let me know where church was if I wanted to go (they meet in homes, it changes nearly every week).
I don't know how to process it. It feels like I've lost a friend, my only visiting friend really. But somehow I'm not desperately anxious about it as before (being alone), built up other supports maybe, but its sad, and it hurts that she's angry with me rather than loving.
All the times I have lovingly nurtured her as a friend and sister in the Lord, all the health advise (nursing), even thought she has husband and two adult daughters and family in the church. All the times she called in here after work offloading the day's stress when I myself was so desperate to talk (lonely) but couldn't. And all the coffees I made her.
Now, it seems I was a church charity case (not a friend and its hurting), a 'duty' that's dropped like a hot brick if I stop going there. What's with that? Like my sister disowning me - I don't know how this is so if they cared. Its not as if I'm abusive etc. Me sad.
Anyway, any thoughts on the matter? Am I doing wrong? My VC also lectured me several times declaring me 'disobedient' to God, 'rebellious' even, to miss church so much (I don't see the need for every Sunday).
Thanks for listening, opened a can of worms I think 🙂
