Soul sister

@Zoe7

Thanks for your message- it means a lot to me.

I agree I don't think people understand depression very well unless you have experienced it first hand. And plus each person who has depression experiences it differently too. I know people who have suffered from depression and they can work and work and work. For me I don't understand that because I couldn't function when my depression was at its worse- I was unable to do day to day functioning ie eating.

I think some of my stress is from the fear that I don't fit in or belong in society-you have explained yourself well here. I too have put my efforts into my sport and academics and surprisingly did really well too. But I think the constant pressure and deadlines may have contrbuted to my depression too. The problem for me in therapy is that I have put up quite a big wall around me and blocks and I really can't see pass this wall and its so frustrating/scary for me- I have never had that block before and that has only been quite recent. Thus diffculties in me making connections with things that have happen and it seems to me that loss of connection is making me stay further stuck and unable to connect my mind and body together.

I am just trying to put my energy into getting well and moving forward in my life. I have never married or had children of my own.

How old (young) are you buddy?

I'm 41

Oh Sh*t. I really thought you were younger! I turned 46 last week.

I'm going to go on one of my early morning talk fests so stay tuned!

I too have never married or had kids - don't want either.I have never wanted kids (strange that I love teaching them but at the end of the day you can give them back!) I have never wanted to get married - came close to being asked in my early 20's but he was extremely abusive (in every way you could possibly imagine) and nearly ended my life one morning.There have been many, many days that I have wished he had - wouldn't have to live with the memories and pain. Haven't really trusted anyone since.had a few short term relationships but never really felt safe or comfortable enough (in myself more than anything).

and Yes.. it is really hard to think about a relationship with someone else when you don't even know yourself!

My psychologist is trying really hard to desensitize me from from traumatic events but they are so inground that I can't see how it will happen. I too am constantly putting up blocks. My blocks are purely self preservation - I know that - because the alternative is too distressing to bear. Both our mind and our body react when confronted with adverse external forces - whether they be mental or physical - and the way we react depends on both are internal instincts and our learned behaviours. If we have been treated badly our default setting is to always think bad things will happen.If we have experienced trauma(s) and are confronted with similar situations, or situations which trigger these memories, then our body reacts also. A really great way that our bodies block out the pain is by slowing down our brain or dissosociating completely - default setting no.2.

I wish I was much younger too. I thought you might have been younger then me too @Zoe7.

I don't understand why people think you have to have kids to be a teacher. I have always been good with kids. I can't see myself getting married nor having kids I am too old. I had quite a traumatic relationship too, and it took away a lot of my trust.

The only thing with me is that I have never really seen a psychologist and I am thinking that might help me. I just can't seem to get much traction in my life. I actually don't know what I want at this time. I am just hoping 2017 is going to be a better year.

My psychatrist wants me to think about having TMS and I am not keen at all, I know my depression is probably caused by tramua and thus I want to work through this- I think having that kind of treatment scares me and would cause to become more defensive and thus put up more blocks.

Do you have any siblings?

Where do you sit in your family- eldest, middle childetc

@Zoe7

You seem to write a lot quicker then me, my typing is not really fast with two fingers lol.

What time is it in Tassie?

Are u near Hobart?

I saw a psychologist earlier on but she was nearly the same age as me then and very new to the field. Continued to see her on and off for years but never got anywhere - we got too close. We moved in similar circlesa and did similar things so it wasn't condusive to being completely annonymous.

The psychologist I am seeing now was pure luck. I was referred tosomeone else who wasn't available for 2 weeks and because I was so bad they found the next available appointment with anyone (as long as it was a female). The psych I'm seeing has been working for over 40 years so she knows what she's doing.

If you could find someone as good as her I'd say it can really help - wish you were able to see the same one as me - think she would be just what you need! I went in thinking - a few sessions and then I'll block it all out again- how wrong I was.No-one has ever been able to get me this far along. It has helped having the amazing support of my GP though.

I've got a younger sister - who I do see often but don't share anything with. Our dogs mostly play together. What about your family?

I do live near Hobart- actually in a suburb of Hobart. And oh bugger - it's nearly 4am.

@Zoe7

I am going to have to look in to seeing a psychologist I think.

I am glad your psychologist and GP have been a great help to you. There are not many good psychologist here where I live even though I live quite a big regional city.

It is just past 3.00am here, I thought you might be from Hobart.

I am the youngest in my family and I have three older brothers. I wish I had a sister.

I can't see the picture just yet but hopefully soon if not sometime later in the day. I think I might try to get some sleep.

If you decide to see a psychologist hope they are awesome and can help you.

Did I mention something specifically that made you think I was in Hobart? Don't mind you knowing but hope I haven't slipped up somewhere.

Hopefully you'll see the picture later - can't remember what thread I posted it on - will find it tomorrow to delete.

I need to get a few hours sleep also - nearly forgot have GP appointment in the morning (in a few hours.. bugger!)

By the way - you do have a sister - and I'm older than you too!!!!

Sleep tight litlle sis! Talk tomorrow xxxxx

Thanks for your well wishes- I hope I find someone awesome too @Zoe7

No you didn't slip up I was not sure it was just a guess and my fingers where getting sore so I didn't put in any of the other regional cities in Tassie.

You should try to get some sleep.

Thanks that is so sweet, I have always wanted a sister

Goodnight big sis

Talk to you sometime today