Soul sister

@Former-Member I don't think anything you could say would be wrong! And it actually was around 20years ago and that is what I seem to experience again and again most nights. I've said to you before - it's not the sleeping that worries me- it's the fear of what will come in the morning - even though I know I am safe now that fear is always there.

I have some strategies to help deal with the intrusive thoughts but it has been more concentrated on the childhood stuff. I really didn't want to go into any of this today because I knew the backup wasn't readily available for the next two weeks and I was doing ok - not great - but ok.

I completely understand you don't want to go into your own trauma (I still can't really believe that I am writing this) and you are right that everyone responds differently, whether the trauma is similar or not.

I think you just shocked me for the first time talking about your IVF specialist - did not expect that at all

Probably the hardest thing for me over the last few months has been actually believing everything. It has all become very real. Always knowing and believing are two very different things. No more denial, no more blaming myself, no more thinking it was just how it was - it's now all very, very real and very, very wrong - and definitely none of it was my fault and I certainly did not deserve any of it

It does now feel I am reliving my whole live because of the new way I have been forced to assess it all. Yes it is like it is all happening again and again - and worse still - sometimes - all at the same time.

The true positive at the moment is I have you here with me also

@Zoe7

I hear you @Zoe7

You seem to be retraumatizing yourself over and over again. I think its a bit late to be talking so much about this because I don't want to trigger you.

It worries me how much this is impacting you and your quality of life and I am just hoping you start to feel better and you are less impacted by it.

I think you should focus on a lot of self care and taking care of you.

I'm really tired now, I think I need to get some sleep

nite sis

Morning lil sis @Former-Member

Hope you had some sleep this morning.

I'm going to try and do some writing and drawing today - maybe even get out into the garden in between the showers.

I think you may have already realised but the nights are the worst for me. I need to start to focus on how to get through them better. It definitely helps when I can go to the beach in the late afternoon but I can't do that everyday so I need to find something else that helps for those days.

Thanks for being here for me. As hard as it is sometimes, and as bad as things may seem for me, it does make a difference having you around.

Have a great day with your Mum and family today.

Love you and appreciate you so much

Hello @Zoe7, @Former-Member, @Appleblossom, @Former-Member, @Former-Member, @Former-Member, @Decadian, @Former-Member, @PeppiPatty, @Former-Member, @Faith-and-Hope xx

thank you for all your messages

feeling a lot better today -- ate tooo much protein over christmas

@Shaz51 glad you are feeling a lot better today

i like being cuz ..

I was upset with what happened with my real ones .. so its nice to find you guys

@Shaz51 knows about cousins ...

I am pretty fine with others having closer connections to me .. always respected relationships and best friends etc.. it has happened a lot ..

so i joke that I am good at playing 2nd fiddle .. never got a proper note on a violin irl tho ..

cheers

Hello @Appleblossom, @Former-Member, @Zoe7, @Former-Member, @Former-Member

Ha ha sure do @Appleblossom xx

I like being a cuz too

My grandmother was a real family person, very quiet , loved her family aroud her

when I was growing up , at one stage i had 18 cousins living in the same town

my grandparents died by the time i was 16 and then the families started to move away

@Appleblossom You are by no means second fiddle - and you can play as many notes as you like!!!

I can honestly say that I have never had a 'best friend' as such - certainly not a friend like @Former-Member.

We do have a great connection - which has been extremely rare (if not absent) in my life so I value it dearly. I also value everyone else in our 'forum family'.

You have a special place for me because of our WWII conversation. Being able to converse about an interest or passion with someone on a more intellectual basis is a great distraction from the 'normal' thoughts etc.

I think I will look upon you as a sister-cousin!

@Shaz51 If our little family keeps growing on this thread then we will have too many christmas presents to get next year

Hi everyone

I think we all should just be sisters