Running out of steam again

Hey @Acanthiza ,

Thanks for sharing!

I think there are a lot of people returning to work as kids go back to school.

I hear it's like dragging your feet back. Sometimes, I don't think people know how much energy it takes to mask.

At least you feel medication is working. At least that's one thing that's working.

I wonder if talking to people here on the forums (who have most likely been through their own MH experiences), will help you feel less alone? In the past, these forums were a pressure-release valve for me. By sharing, I felt I could just 'get it out'.

Once again, good on you for posting. I hope to hear from you soon.

Thanks for responding @tyme,

I don't have any kids, actually I've never been in a relationship ;-;
I've been working through the "holidays", no break for me! Though I barely work, just a few days a week and not long hours. But still too much for me apparently!

I do disability support so trying to stay stable and relatively cheerful to lift someone else's mood can be tough. Well I will keep moseying on and try not to quit yet another job.

Hi @Acanthiza

I have anxiety and bipolar 2 as well.

I don’t think I can be much help but I too, am completely over it all. Also I’m sick of saying ‘I’m fine’ when I’m totally not but I’m not able to talk to family or friends. Thats why the forums are good. Everyone has had different experiences but we are all here for each other.

I just push myself to go to work. I find it’s a distraction and it helps me to get out of the house. When I’m not working I basically only leave the house for appointments.

Anyway…. Welcome to the forums.

Thanks @Captain24 it is all tuff stuff. I think this time is hitting pretty hard because I was pumped about getting a diagnosis and getting over my anxiety about medication. You would think I would learn! There are no easy solutions.

Working is tied so much to your perceived worth it is really rough. Getting told I am lazy, that I am not meeting my potential, seeing people judging me when I'm out of work. It would be great if I could function well! Nowadays I just think about how they would cope if they went through what I have.

I have a tendency to ramble, you are right that work gets you out of the house which is good, but I just wish it wasn't so draining. I feel like all my energy is going into it even though I barely work at all.

Alright I said work too many times and said my piece. I'm sure I will complain about something else shortly! In the meantime I will watch my cat gently sleeping and the insects swarming outside.

Hey @Acanthiza

I had to laugh about the medication being an easy fix… I thought it would put me on a better path quickly. Ooohh…how wrong was I!

I hate the not meeting potential. I have a review at work and their sole focus was them working on my MH so I can ‘meet my full potential’ I work in a coal mine. I don’t know what they think they can do, with no training, that my treating team can’t do!

Feel free to ramble.

I hope you are enjoying watching the cat and insects. I felt a sense of calm when I read that. I have a 4 year old dog and a 14 week old pup. There is no calm!

Hey @Captain24
A coal mine! Tough work. I had a bit of a squiz at your thread here and it sounds like you are having a tough time also. Night shifts? I don't think I could handle that at all. I've worked doing farm work and construction and in both there was a lot of ra ra masculinity stuff, not the best place to have a mental illness!

Yeah the cats are great, very peaceful animals. Apparently they go wild at night but I don't sleep in the house (I sleep in a shed lol) so it doesn't bother me. Love dogs as well but haven't had any since I left school when my parents split up and my dog I had since I was 5 got put down. Suffice to say it was not the best time for me.

Puppies are a lot but they are also so much fun, all sharp teeth, soft fur and aromatic paws

Hey @Acanthiza

Nah it’s not tough work at all. I just drive the trucks. It’s just the shift work that messes with you but you do kinda get use to it.

Yeah things are really bad right now but my team are on it and keeping a really close eye on me and supporting me through it.

Sleep in the shed??

Im not a cat person. I can see that being very traumatic for you. It’s hard enough to lose a pet but a family breakdown on top would be really tough.

@Captain24I'm glad you have some support. Yep I sleep in the shed lol, actually above the shed and it is quite nice, no plumbing though. Mum just sold the house though so a lot of uncertainty now which is not good for the anxiety!

Yeah I had a tough time coming out of highschool, got worse through uni and into the early twenties. Weird looking back at it through the lens of bipolar and seeing how much mania played a part. Mixed episodes are no joke! At least for me they were the worst experience of my life. I've come a long way and don't seem to get them anymore, though I've learned that you need to be ready for anything.

Hey @Doog you are 100% correct, what even is reality? Having bipolar definitely made me rethink a lot of things, reality is completely different when you are depressed and really manic. I am pretty wary of people that think they have it all figured out now, gotta have an open mind and realise your perspective might be a bit warped. Easier said than done though I suppose.

Do you have bipolar as well? It has been weird finally accepting I have this thing. In some ways it is good, it explains a lot and reaffirms that quite a few things truly haven't been in my control. But in other ways it worries me. I always thought I was on a bit of a trajectory and that eventually my depression and stuff would be a lot better, now I am not so sure if it is something fundamentally wrong with my brain.

Well cheery stuff to think about eh? I will keep on keeping on, we learn to endure.