Here we go again

Hi Carlo,

Glad you've found your way back to the forums to get some support, it sounds like it's been a tough couple of months.

First up, it's good that you're taking steps to focus on your own health, even though that's been scary in itself. High blood pressure can be a serious issue - a friend of mine has had to seek treatment for it recently following some very stressful recent life events. You've recognised that slowing down and dialling back on commitments is the right thing to do at the moment. Stress within a relationship can make things worse as well.

It sounds like you feel you're on a bit of a merry-go-round in your relationship, and maybe feel a bit powerless about what to do next. Where are things at with the upcoming trip? Is this something that you'd ideally like to postpone or reconsider?

Hey @Carlo ,

It sounds like this have been on edge a bit despite things having been okay for a while.

I can see you have been reflecting on things a lot but your partner is not ready to seek help. Does she see she’s got an issue, or is it that everything is your fault?

It’s tricky when people don’t see they have an issue, let alone reach out for help. Just as the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.

I have BPD so I recognise what BPD rages are like. Of course I’m not saying she’s got BPD as Ive got no authority to say so, however, I hope there’s a way forward and she’ll open up to hear things from your perspective.

Please reach out if you need anything. We’re here for you.

Thanks for the perspective @tyme

As far as she's concerned, it's all my fault. And yes, there is rage (and lots of it).

I try to understand, but live in fear of the explosive reaction to any possible triggers.

Hope time heals again.

I'm not sure it's just time that will heal @Carlo

Can you think of any active steps you can take or actions so that you can both set boundaries and protect yourself?

Or even put it to your partner: Things don't seem to be working. What would you like to see change?

If she says you're the issue, then ask her how she wants you to make changes or what does she want you to do about it? Does she want you to step away and give her space? Does she want you to give her a hug? Does she want you to spend more time with her?

Sorry, I'm not sure I'm making sense with where I'm going. Please note, I'm NOT saying you are to blame, but if that's what she is saying, then perhaps ask her for a solution for you?

Thank you again @tyme

YES, given that it keeps happening, maybe time will not heal it?

I always thought 'time' would heal things, but I was wrong. Recovery needs to be an active process. I can see you are doing what you can. Sometimes, natural consequences are the best teachers and it can speak far louder than all the striving we do @Carlo . I wish you all the best. You deserve to be supported.

Do you know any support groups you can reach out to?

Heya @Carlo !

Things sound like they are hard...

Have a look here https://www.bpdfoundation.org.au/carers.php

It depends on which state you are in in terms of supports. Also, do you mean for you or your partner?

Anything happening for you tonight you want to talk about? @Carlo