TryinghardtoSenior Contributor
Its All Come To A Head
I started this on a new thread. I have mentioned before about my love for a man who has continually put his ex partner ( split up 6 years ago) and his now nineteen year old daughter. He dumped me in Feb of this year. Since then has said he loves me and wants to fix everything ( the problem is that he is afraid of his ex and his daughter and does not want them , or his friends and family to know that I am still in his life.
It has all come to a head. He was admitted to hospital on Friday and was sent to the ICU unit with pneumonia and blood clots on the lungs. I visited him on Saturday and he says how much he loves me and that he is glad I was there. Then yesterday I dont visit because I thought his daughter would be there. Not only did she turn up but has said that she is too afraid of visiting her dad with all the tubes and stuff and that she needs her mother to accompany her. Ok. I deal with that. He speaks to me this morning and says his daughter is visiting . I could come up in the afternoon. So I do. I drive over 100 kms to visit him. Get there. Go in only to find his daughter and ex walking out. The ex grins at me and attempts to say something in my ear. I ignore her and go on inside. He is being treated by the nurses. I say hello and he says that his ex and daughter have just left and are coming back in ten mins. He looks uncomforatble so I say I will leave. Then think again, put my bag down and say no I am staying. I am your partner and have driven over an hour to see you. He looks really pale and says he doesnt want any trouble.....so I leave and say he has made his chooice. I leave and am very upset. I ring the ICU unit who tell me he is going for more tests and that I should come back in two hours. I said would they just check to make sure it is ok with him. He starts to um and ahh and say he has to have more tests etc etc. I tell him that the nurses say I can still come. Then he drops the bombshell that his daughter is coming back after dropping her mother off. I say no problem. I am sure that we can both be with him. He tells me not to come, that he doesnt need the stress and hangs up on me.
I drive around the corner and have a complete breakdown. This sort of stuff has been going on for five years and I just broke. I rang a friend who told me to go to the emergency unit and tell them I am having a mental health issue. They are great. Take me aside and I talk to a lovely mental health nurse. She says she is amazed I have put up with this for so long. Explains that the ex and daughter sound narcisstic and discussed the reason they do what they do. Apparently he is enabling this to continue and I am enabling him to treat me this way.She advises me to move on. Now I have severe clinical depression and ocd. Have never been as bad as I have this year. I find it hard to leave things this way. My OCD makes me want to ring him and smooth everything over. To make things better. The nurse explained that I need help with a clinical therapist to help me deal with this. I am absolutely terriified now of my life right now...and also in the future. I continuously check my phone to see if he has rung or messaged me to see how I am. NOTHING. The nurse wants me to get my medication looked at but everytime I change my OCD gets to such a level that I know I will go through the stage of wanting to commit suicide. I really am so terrified of my feelings and the thoughts that go through my head on a regular basis. The OCD does not allow me to leave these thoughts alone. I still love this man with all my heart but have been told that if he is not able to set boundaries with his ex and daughter that I will continously be getting hurt. What can I do??