Not sure what to do

@Jynx and @the-alchemist thanks it is hard especially when they are trying to sabotage my every effort i try to distract myself as much as possible but this doesnt always work and sometimes it is all consuming i guess i just dont know what to do sometimes especially when they are in my head and wont get out like it is very uncomfortable and upsetting but you just have to tolerate it because they wont leave unless you go back to thinking what they want you to think which is just as bad. idk anyway i am trying to keep on top of things but i am struggling to even shower and brush my teeth let alone go grocery shopping idk everything is just too much.

@Eden1919 Mm when basic functioning is impacted, you know you're dealing with some very heavy feelings. Really sounds like being caught between a rock and a hard place, or like a catch-22.

You ever give yourself a baby-wipe shower? I have. I saw it in like, a 'depression hacks' post on another website, where someone was talking about struggling to shower and then feeling ashamed that they couldn't even do such basic things. The response was like, 'you don't have to do 100% of something if you don't have it in you. You can do like, 20%, and it's still better than nothing.' So like, if showering is too hard, just give your stinkiest bits a once over with some baby wipes. If doing a whole 2 min of teethbrushing is too hard, just do 20-30 seconds. Idk if that helps, or is even relevant to your situation, but thought it'd be worth sharing.

I have always noticed a lotta strength in you @Eden1919 - I wish you didn't have to be so strong, that your situation didn't demand it of you, but I still admire it. I believe in your ability to get through this, and find a pathway out of the canyon (you know, where all the rocks and hard places are) 💪💜

@Jynx yeah i have tried stuff like that for the hygiene stuff but it is still difficult idk there is just so much to do all the time and i cant keep up.

i am having a hard time today and idk what to do anymore i am trying my hardest to manage everything but i just feel really weird and not right i mean i am safe and all that i just feel not great. ugh i was going to write more but i dont think i can now.

I really feel you @Eden1919 life in the modern world is a constant onslaught of information, coupled with a seemingly endless checklist of tasks - and there is nowhere near enough understanding of how complex mental health compounds this stress into a nigh unmanageable ball of panic. Something that has helped me is to try to take a step back, and instead of looking at the tasks through the lens of what I should be doing, I look at it through the lens of what I want to be doing. If we take the example of having a shower, maybe our brains tell us we should be showering every day. But we don't actually need to, and so I wait until like, maybe I'm all sticky cos it's hot, or I decide it'd be nice to wash my hair, then my motivations are based in positive desire rather than negative external pressure. I know that can go a bit out the window sometimes when it comes to the tasks we need to do to survive and keep a roof over our heads, but it can definitely help for the little things.

It's okay, I am hearing that you're feeling very off and things are a bit chaotic and hard to describe. Could it help to take a moment to check in with yourself, query your current needs? Start with the basics (water, food, sleep, safety and comfort, exercise), and if your physical needs are currently sufficiently met, you can also reflect on desires - what do you want right now? Does anything feel like it's missing?

@Jynx i think it is just that there is a base level of constant agitation and sometimes it gets worse than other times and at the moment it is one of those times. idk it is hard to explain.

i had my psychologist today and it was so hard to talk to them like i was trying but i just couldnt get my thoughts together and the demon people were ripping thoughts out of my head a lot and it was just really hard and there was stuff i needed to talk about and i couldnt and now i am frustrated and ugh i am just so fed up with all the crap. and i didnt sleep last night for what reason i dont know i just couldnt fall asleep and now i am exhausted and want to cry but i am too tired to even cry and if i dont sleep tonight i think i am going to lose it big time. i am trying my best to manage everything but i am failing and everything is falling apart.

@Eden1919 I can very much understand the frustration of having this simmering, agitated feeling inside, and not knowing what to do or what is causing it. Feelings are legit very difficult to explain at times hey! I found it helpful to draw them sometimes, because words just weren't working.

Would your psych be okay with you emailing? Perhaps if writing things out is easier than saying them, you could highlight some of the things that you were unable to communicate today and flag it as something to return to next time?

I can really see how much you're trying hun, it's hard when we give our energy to trying to feel better, only to continue to feel crappy, and then drained on top of it all. Sleeplessness then adds layers of tired on top of that!

Do you think perhaps, with everything 'falling apart' as you say, that you are in need of more hands on kind of support? I'm not sure what your experience with hospital admissions is, but it could be an option to consider.

I hope you get to cry if it's able to come out, can always help to have that release. If I could be there with you to hold your hand through it, I would. Virtual hand-holding will have to suffice 💜🤝

@Jynx i havent had very good experiences with hospitals so i really dont think that is a good option for me personally. i dont know what kind of help would be most helpful though so yeah idk. i could email my psych but i still dont know how to word everything which is frustrating.

i am trying to distract myself tonight but i am not having much luck i keep just getting up and sitting in different places and then moving to another spot and back and forth every 10 mins because i cant settle i want to watch something but i cant focus and i just ugh i am so tired.

Oh @Eden1919 , that sounds so hard right now. I'm so sorry it is tough. Sounds like you are going through the mill.

I wish I could somewhat make it more comfy for you.

Please know you are not alone.

@tyme thanks

i am sturggling tonight my head feels like a soupy mess and i am so tired and i am struggling to talk at all like my brian just isnt connected to my mouth and everything is just a lot and they keep ripping the thoughts from my head and then shoving other ones back in there and like if i dont thinki what they want me to think then they make me even more tired because they want me to stop thinking so that i cant get close to the truth and and it is just really hard and i want to cry but i cant do that either and i just feel realy out of it and not right and off and weird and everything is just too much nd no onw seems to understand just because i can say small sentences or one word how much the speaking is a problem right now like it is taking me ages to put a sentence together and then half the time it just wont come out and i just ugh it is hard to explain and anyway i just want to sleep.