Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

yea, not where we are @Former-Member xxxx

Bonus @Shaz51

We all know what Mr Shaz will be wanting for his birthday 😀.

Do drones get given personal names like planes @Jacques @Shaz51?

Hi @Smc

It really surprises me that the generation not much older than myself still imagines that the younger generation is supposed to look after them - it's just not practical in this day and age - woman have had to go back to work and have their own families and I just can't imagine expecting my daughter to stop what she's doing and look after me - I am independent and prefer to live alone and care for myself and accept the help I get from an agency - I have my own life - and I didn't care for my mother either - my sister did that for both my parents but they went into care and so they were well cared for - and my mother didn't want me around anyway

But I think back to my Gran and my mother taking care of her until the old lady became too frail - it must have been hard on Gran living in a house too small for all the people living there and with kids going up and living their own lives - no peace for the old lady and to this day the memory of her having life changing around her and we kids and our music and friends

But I do agree with people taking agency help - often supported by Aged Care - and staying in their own homes for as long as they choose too - that's what I am doing - seeing my daughter socially from time to time with texting and phone calls - and having my own life -

After all - I gave my daughter her life and when she was of the right age I gave it to her again - to live as she chose - and it all works out for her

But it comes down to accepting Government and Agency help and I do -

It's not easy getting older - and I imagine getting older is practice for getting old - not much fun if other people control our lives - but independence is wonderful and I choose to be as independent as possible

It's tough to be expected to drop what people are doing and give a lot to the people who gave us our lives but here we are in the C21st and things have changed a lot in the last century

Thinking of you @Smc and your family

Dec

Its been a while @Jacques

So good to "see" you.

@Shaz51

It is good that Mrshaz is interested and creative.

Hi @Jacques

It's good to see you here - I am always pleased when I find you in the forum though I dont read all the threads so I could miss you

And yours is a very supportive post for @Shaz51 - I never had to care for my parents - my sister badly wanted to do all of that so I was off the hook - but my Gran lived with us and it's really hard work being a carer - it really exhausted my mother

So @Shaz51

It's probably against your nature to put yourself first but you really need to - your own health is not good and you have a lot to deal with after all - just for yourself - and Mr Shaz and your mother are at odds with each other - I know that - but your mother really does need to avail herself of Government Funded Support in her own home - I know it can be intrusive having other people coming in to do the work - and I could tell a tale about the confusion at times - but it's necessary for me to live alone so I accept it

But yeah - I really clued into the issue when I couldn't find my baking dish and it was late and I wanted to cook a frozen chicken kiev and that is the only tray that it will fit into - and I hunted through my kitchen - in all the cupboards - even my pantry cupboard - no tray there - I thought it must have gone out in the rubbish - after all baking trays get baked-on grease - that's the nature of baking trays - they are cheap and can be replaced but I was irate that someone had thrown it out and self-calmed and made a bowl of porridge for my tea

And then - and then - I looked into the griller and there it was - what a strange place to put anything - esp when there is plenty of room in the cupboard where I keep the pots and pans and small baking dish - wow

So - that's one thing - I know it must be hard for you to tell your mother she needs to accept other people helping her but I really feel for you - poor Mr Shaz - having to accept a change in medication and having to see a therapist who asked a lot of questions - I hope he continues with all of this - I think he must feel very lonely with all his anxiety -

And I care about my little family so much - and it must be so hard for you supporting other people when your own health is so dicy

Caring about all of you

Dec

Trust morning tea went ok @Shaz51. Off to a wedding this afternoon, I am helping in the kitchen at the reception.

@Owlunar your posts make me smile. My dear Mum was resistant to help but once she got it has been appreciative of it. She reckons my sister (her POA) wraps her in cotton wool.

@Owlunar, I've had a "sneak preview" of the ups and downs of needing assorted support services when I had some major surgery some years back. Hubby was fully occupied looking after me and our four kids (youngest around 1 year old at that time). We had home help once a week. I mostly managed cooking, but we fell back on frozen stuff and takeaway on the days I couldn't. I needed my afternoon "nanna nap" or I'd be a wreck by dinnertime, we had a disabled pass for the car because more than 100m or so walking left me exhausted and weak.
I did find the home help intrusive sometimes, mostly when the council made last minute changes without telling us, but it was needed at the time. I can understand so well my Mum and others not wanting to accept help, but I still found it so hard and frustrating that she and our Dad were in real danger but unwilling to make use of any of the available offers.

Am hoping that as Hubby and I get old and grey and, eventually, doddery, that we'll have enough good judgement to know when we need to swallow our pride and accept help, or even leave our home, but we also hope that point will be a long time coming.

thank you my second mum @Owlunar , your love and care means soo much too me as the same for @Former-Member , @Smc , @Appleblossom , @Jacques , @Former-Member , @Faith-and-Hope , @outlander , @Bunniekins , @Adge , @Determined

hope I have not missed anyone xxx

welll it rained this morning soo mr shaz could not go and take photos

but he did not want to go to the morning tea , soo he stayed home xx

it was a nice morning tea at the hospital but my uncle could not join us as he was sooo unwell

and mum is on a free fluid diet

this afternoon we spent the time on the couch watching shows we tapped , very nice and relaxing sitting together , Mr shaz was a bit anxious about the rain , been raining all day xx