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Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Shaz51Senior Contributor10 Dec 2016, 11:56 am AEDT

Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Hello @PeppiPatty, over here my special friend xx

Hello Everyone

Love to hear from others on the forum if you experience this

My hubby has been diagnosed with lots of things and has had MI all his life

do you find things goes ok and i start to feel confident and wanting to go forward and then everytime something always happens to upset it -- sometimes I think is it a controlling thing ?? that he wants to be in control ??

Don`t know if I am making this up , but i have that feeling ,

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In response to: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Shaz51Senior Contributor13 May 2018, 3:25 pm AEST

Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Yes @Former-Member Hang in there.... you are doing an amazing job

Hugs @Determined, @Faith-and-Hope

Healthy diet here -- no way -- feel like giving up in that area -- today mr shaz announce that I don`t cook different things -- thanks mate -- now SIL and MIL going to give me recipes -- ammm he won`t eat them you know -- I don`t do dessert he said -- you don`t want desserts or veges or try different things -- you want the same things all the time -- SIL suggested !!!!!!!!!!!!!! arrrgggg

this week has been different -- he suggested he needs more work --- amm it will be too much when you are unwell or it is raining

Negative thinking is high at the moment -- did you see how many mowing people there are !!! -- negative -- negative -- negative -- ohhhhhhh

Hello @outlander, @Former-Member, won`t let me tag anyone else , sorry

In response to: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Unknown userMember13 May 2018, 4:02 pm AEST

Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Fortunately no rants and rages here @Faith-and-Hope, I don't know if Mr D's twin Mr @Shaz51 is the same.

Even if Mr D appears frustrated to me, he says he is not but is upset. Certainly from what he says he very much feels the loss of his diagnosis and the things that have happened in the aftermath of his attempt. Sadly the inability to see how things can be any better is something that persists.

As for food, he eats like a horse at meal times, recently tried a new dish, which I thought was quite average, he ate it, thanked me profusely for it. I asked the question 'should have it again' he said 'No' so I knew he did not think it was the best either but he is too kind to say anything. Sometimes I show him a couple of recipes and ask I'd they appeal - he usually says yes - I think I am fussier than he is but I do like veggies but not certain green ones that look like mini cabbages or trees.

We usually only have dessert when we have visitors, but Mr D has taken to having frozen mango or blueberries after mains. Sometimes he will have a couple of bananas instead

In response to: Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Shaz51Senior Contributor13 May 2018, 4:18 pm AEST

Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

@Former-Member you wrote --- As for food, he eats like a horse at meal times, recently tried a new dish, which I thought was quite average, he ate it, thanked me profusely for it. I asked the question 'should have it again' he said 'No' so I knew he did not think it was the best either but he is too kind to say anything.--- yep that is Mr shaz

Fortunately no rants and rages here, I don't know if Mr D's twin Mr @Shaz51 is the same.-- yes Mr shaz is the same

In response to: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

DeterminedSenior Contributor13 May 2018, 4:58 pm AEST

Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Unfortunately rants and rages are almost a daily event here @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope, something the children have mastered the art of using to their advantage, particularly as I try and avoid conflict. Having a particularly difficult time with managing the children at the moment.

Aparently I am the source of all of my darlings problems as 'I am angry all the time'...

In response to: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor13 May 2018, 5:11 pm AEST

Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Was daily for us for for quite some time @Determined ...... but family couns long and the presence of psych’s in our lives have pulled it all back.

Perhaps some family counselling with the kids will help to have everyone using their words more effectively ..... and take a breath before speaking ......

Like with nutritional advice, it might need to come from the drs...... it had to for us.

In response to: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Unknown userMember13 May 2018, 5:39 pm AEST

Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

@Determined

I am not quite sure what to say ... you have mentioned these before. It certainly is a juggling act as to how this is best managed. How to be a peace maker whilst maintaining boundaries so the boys learn respect.

I remember reading somewhere letting a person with BPD know they are making great progress can be counterproductive as it can activate their fear of abandonment.

In response to: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor13 May 2018, 6:54 pm AEST

Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

couns long = counselling

Sometimes lessons given to the children in front of adults can get the message through to the adults too ...... just talking about how the feelings are valid, but can be expressed in respectful ways of listening is also done respectfully ...... and about taking a brief time-out if emotions are so overwhelming that respectful speaking and listening is forgotten, in order to re-set and try again without the heat of anger or frustration being so present and intense ...... for instance.

It’s the boys I am thinking of @Determined, but maybe your Farking has never had the courtesy of communications put to her this way before, and if she can see that it will make the children happier and more confident, it may become something that she also remembers to refer to.

It’s not bad to have that reminder for ourselves as well, because we are all human and imperfect, and we all lose the plot and times when things become intense.

In response to: Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

DeterminedSenior Contributor14 May 2018, 3:09 pm AEST

Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope

I am far form perfect I know, a work in progress.
We were seeing a couples councillor but that has been put on hold, I got sick and unfortunately have fallen far behind in my university course work so cant afford the 1 day a week out to travel to the councillor, particularly as it is mostly group work at the moment.

I believe my darling understands what you are saying here but unfortunately under pressure or when stressed she looses insight and understanding of her surroundings 😞 - as I have mentioned many times I do recognise this as an aspect of the BPD rather than my darling being intentionally unreasonable.

In response to: Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Unknown userMember14 May 2018, 5:34 pm AEST

Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

@Determined that is one thing that I have found, that we are all works in progress, no one is exempt from difficulties and that we are all doing the best we can, with the emotional resources we have.

In response to: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor14 May 2018, 5:40 pm AEST

Re: Ups and Downs of Husband`s Mental Illness

Agreed @Former-Member .... ❣️

And same @Determined ...... it’s a loss of insight and control in the moment with my Honey too ...... just having to answer to the psychs for it has made a difference ..... it has reigned the behaviours in. The suitcase throwing and ranting were done away from us, and he put himself to bed at the other end of the house, recognising that he wasn’t good in that state. I consider that progress ......

Ours isn’t bpd ..... and there is no way to compare what we are all up against directly ...... it’s all apples, pears, bananas ...... but it is all in the fruit family, so there are similarities, and similar treatments / solutions may work ......

Just have to keep moving forward.

Wishing you the energy and peace of mind you need for study @Determined

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