APPROACHING SURE?

No @Former-Member That was the first time you have written anything like that to me. I accept it with much gratitude in the spirit it was given. Your situation with your son is due to far more than the prenting or family dynamic .. eventually I hope our authorities will realise the openness of the groups when raising children and not blame families.

Realisation is slow in public policy too. Twice I had male mh professionals ask me to forgive hussy female workers involved who were judgemental of me without knowing half the story.

Regarding my voice, now when I speak my voice seems strange and otherworldy .. When I sang in that choir and did vocal warmups and focussed on vocal technique, my singing voice became strong, but the breathe was easily knocked out of me. Despite many years of conscious breathwork.

There may be a lot of truth to what you say and I hope so. My story is scattered over many threads and complicated.

Yesterday I was stressed out and we sorted phones for son and I and I did housework etc but I became hysterical over nothing. I am not well. I phoned Triage and they spoke to my son & I.

I am also very anxious about travelling alone by train so far, but also planned it so I had a reason to go away and get my son used to coping on his own. My outburst was probably triggered unconsciously by the realisation of the end of my association with that choir. I have only sung in the choir for 7 years but have associations with the people from 1995, knew the old director in the late 80s. All 3 of my children have played the piano there as my mother gave piano student concerts there. I had visited the church with my father when I was small. It is a special place for me.

I guess I was clinging to my past and continuity amongst all the deaths and changes.

In other ways it was never a good fit for me. I have always compromised as much as possible to keep peace in whatever social environment I was.

I have a plan agreed to by psych and triage nurse to slightly up meds to keep me safe as I travel.

I will go without a phone, my choice, I resent feeling coerced to have one. My son has a new one he is happy with and negotiated a very good deal. He has a few people in our town and state who he can contact. and I hope to meet him in 11 days at our booked accomodation in country victoria. I was asking him if I was negligent by not taking a phone and "checking up" on him, but he said he would be ok.

Re addiction to the site, I may try a structured approach and limit myself when I return, but will cross that bridge ... I think I needed to give myself whole-heartedly to it and dont regret my time on it. I felt privileged reading the stories.

@Former-Member hope you are ok .. you are worth far more than gold.

@Former-Member dont understimate your wisdom .. let it anchor you through the dark times

@Former-Member Fantastic news .. enjoy the job .. sista

@Shaz51 you are a salt of the earth carer

This will be my last post for a while

For mods and all on the forum .. Travel well in your private journeys.

Sending you lots of hugs my friend @Appleblossom

"you are a salt of the earth carer", aww my friend , I had to look up what that meant xx

I settled in home and emailed my brother today. He phoned back as a reply and asked me to stick up for his "will" for the kids' trust if his wife contests it after he dies.

We both understood that we were not well enough to meet while away on our "holidays"... I guess we actually have a normal enough relationship .. with respect, opposite political and financial styles, a bond regardless of good & bad times, and no holds barred. I call him out on his BS, he calls but it does not change the situation from being tragic.

He is in much much worse health than I. My sibs have had a lot to deal with. My biological family have had a lot of talent and effort and success ..

I was cleaning out my inbox today and read I was told to PHONE Neami in November. I did so today and now am officially "in the system".

Hello @Appleblossom @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Former-Member

welcome home and welcome back from all of your friends xxx

Having the conversation with your brother is moving forward, confirmation of the strong bond, not dismissal of the past, brave of both of you.

hope you are able to stay in contact as much as you feel will be of benefit to you.

keep safe xxx

Thanks for saying that about my brother & I @Former-Member Things will run their course and I am getting used to that. Finally he is not fighting the idea of his death either which makes it easier to talk with him.

I really do try and refocus on the positives.

I m going through huge anxiety at the moment.

My son has decided to cut the 2 choir connections he had (not with the church choir) .. I feel worried that it will isolate him further which will add to pressure on me. I truly cannot take any more. I am looking forward to NEAMI helping out and me seeing a psychiatrist for more than a 2 session assessment and see you later. .. but it will be new territory. I am also adjusting my mindset that I have MH problems and not just reacting to my story, and that I need to care for that as well as my neck.

For the last few days I hoped I could turn him around but the deadline is tomorrow. He may have had the contract for $1500 again this year and a lot of good experience .. but he is determined to withdraw. so I have to accept that.

Very alone.

Oh so sorry to hear that @Appleblossom about your son. I know it affects you greatly and keeps that connection going strong too. It's hard when we see our kids take a backward step. My ratbag leaves for Bali tomorrow and I'll be counting down the days until he returns safely. I really don't want him detained over there for anything and he's not one to keep his nose clean. So perhaps we can stress together 💜

I have had really positive interactions with NEAMI before in the past. They were great. Unfortunately in SA they have had lots of funding cuts and had to close many offices. I really hope you can find some useful support through them.

I'm glad you are finding a place of equilibrium with your brother

Take goid care of you 💜🤗💐

your son could change his mind later. Mine always have to learn things the hard way.

Yes stressing together over our young men .. may help .. wry wry why ..lol .. thanks Bella

Hiya @Appleblossom

I know you are having a tough time right now so please don't answer this if it's not a good time. I'm wondering what makes it ok to be you? Awkwardly worded question but what I mean is do you know what makes you feel good enough to want to be here? When things are going ok for you do you feel it? Sorry for all the questions. I'm going through a phase and questioning everything. I just wanted your thoughts on whether you know what it is from this world that you want and when that happens do you feel it and enjoy those times. I'm not asking necessarily what it is but if you know. Please ask if I've made a mess of this and jumbled it all.

i hope today finds you ok, sending hugs 💜🤗

I am ok today @Former-Member.. facing up to this as a time of transition .. went out with my son and it was upbeat and chatty.

It is interesting that you put it that way....

I asked the same thing of my younger brother who made lots of money and had lots of fun .. and could be fun to be with ...

Til then I was more aware of all the pain and dysfunction in our family .. he had been raised totally separate from us... in Sydney.

I wanted to talk to him ... and wanted male input

I am not sure that I feel life is that great ... but I definitely know that to remove myself .. is a hugely different step to remaining here .. and if remaining here .. working out what to do with myself.

A lot of things in my life have vindicated my ideas, points of view & decisions. My kids are doing ok. My dad ended up having a very big excuse for his diagnosis.(eg CSA and Royal Commission) stuff) My ex and I have a nice house each .. we worked hard and split it up before we damaged each other or ourselves too much .. it is still taking me a while to realise that I have a home and learn to claim the right to it.

i love writing and music .. singing generates good brain chemicals etc .. I feel better relating to people via a keyboard .. so the forum has been good for me .

also knowing all these weird and whacky and unconservative things I did in my youth .. are actually mainstream now .. and approved of .. stuff like environment & conservation .. climate change .. meditation .. etc.. so I feel a bit like they said about my dad .. a man before his time. ... its not that I am self righteous .. .. lol ... better wait & see ..what my new shrink will say.

Til recently I thought I had to "work" .. there is a shift ..I cling to positive memories of the individuals in my family .. nothing else I can do.

I do have some small economic choices.

I may not "fit in" my church choir or the chamber choir .. .. that also reeked of hipocrisy to me ..

I also have a bit of a naive pure type of DPD .. gullible and optimistic ,,hope springs eternal .. except when I am in a bear with a sore head . .. biggest danger is to take self out.

but I am practical and do do the work ..

I like the people on this forum .. I used to say .. if I can meet people on the planet that I like .. then I wont go .. and stuff like that ..

I have had the means to go this month.. with all the extra meds handed out .. .. I know what mix would do it .. but I guess I am here for the duration .. as one lady said to me .. I was masochistic .. past tense ..I am trying to find good, healthy, legal .. pleasures ..

A personality is such a complex thing .. .. I love part of the way you described it .. as your best friend .. ... I was not that familiar with DPD .... looked it up then and now .. did not know really what to say..

You have made a difference here ..