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A Poem? Maybe?

A Poem? Maybe?

Hurt, Lost, Broken

My life is in tatters, my dreams have crumbled around me

I had the life, i had it all

How did i fail

How did i fall

Cruising through life, using everything i could

To keep myself moving

To keep myself high

The ups are fantastic, the best place to be

Altho i could never see the disease

The illness taking over me

No treatment

No plan

No help

Just searching for the high that evaded me

Using this drug and that

To maintain that happy place

When in reality

I was just wasting space

Broken and tired

My life in ruins

How stupid of me to believe

That i was as fantastic as i could be

Tortured now, by the memories

The lows, so low some will never know

How quickly life changes

When everything crumbles and falls in a heap

Now i am lonely

Now i am unloved

Now i have no peace

No place

No love from the one i hurt so much

I still miss her dearly

And altho i know we will never be

I can always hope it untrue

A dream to awaken from

Faith only blames me

Treatment only dulls me

Pain is all i feel

Hate of myself is all i can think

Why did i not notice

How could i not see

Why did this happen

Unanswered questions just for me

The hardest part of it all

Is knowing i will never get to say goodbye

To those who were closest to me

All hope is lost

No freedom for me

Forever trapped in this hellhole

I hope not for an eternity

Thank you

Sorry i just needed to write

376 replies

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In response to: A Poem? Maybe?

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

I think there are a lot of ways of being a vital part of the community. Glad you are connected@autumn.

I am richer now than I ever have been .. certainly eat better. My tastes are frugal since childhood and I cant see the point of having much more than I have now. I really do prefer the bush to a fancy show and decided that the best tickets are on stage so I keep getting involved in stuff .. to keep me active.

A pleasant cornucopia. I also think it is important to model that it is sufficient. I have a rich brother who is dieing ..enough is enough.

I was really happy for you, a few weeks ago when you first started back at your job @kato. We are all at different stages and have different paths, limitations, commitments, skills etc. These days many people are fulfilled with part-time work and can pay the bills too. Such a diverse time we live in .. its not just 9-5 .. I know peopole with their own businesses etc. Love your energy. I was lucky enough in my work life not to feel threatened by another's success in that area. I certainly dont feel guilty for being on a pension .. I left job promotions to take on a baby .. I had seen enough in the workplace and academia. Life is what it is. My needs are actually very simple.

I also like alternative, community and creative approaches to living like @autumn has shared. Its all good.

In response to: A Poem? Maybe?

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Oh wow @kato, i never thought of poetry and music, definately not a beat, i will rmemeber that hwen i read your next beautiful and raw poem.

i know you have had a difficult time of late, i have read your posts, but it is good you are pushing through it and focusing on getting back into the swing of things, sitting and thinking can sometimes be our worst enemy, it allows our minds to go where they were not meant to go.

Thank you once again, i am greatful for you giving me the realisation that i am not alone.

Jacques

In response to: A Poem? Maybe?

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

You are loved, love yourself. You are a unique part of this universe, there is only one you, precious.

In response to: Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

I looked In a mirror

What looked back I didn't know

All I saw was a deeper sadness I couldn't bear

All my being said look away

What is left of my sole leaped out and screamed

This is not me this is not now this is not how it ends

That thing in the mirror can't be me

I had plans and dreams and places to go

How did I come how do I leave

Do I try to go back

Can I find me somewhere I haven't looked

Or do I accept that image just spiraling down

I am scared of the future

Cant stand the past

All I ask is another chance

I know I am the only one who can grant this

But looking at that image I don't know if it is worthy

So where do I go

At this very moment I just don't know

One more hour one more night

Its hard to face as its the nights that scare me the most

Only pain and horror await me there

Its the empty eyes in the mirror that hold my key

I will try one more time to look into those horror filled pools

Look and find the key

But so hard when you're not sure what to really look for

One more long hour

One more long night

Scorpion

In response to: Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Thank you @SCORPION

Your poetry is a bit dark but it is often good to see such images and thoughts outside of ourselves rather than in ..

There was a period when my eyes were quite scary .. the pain in them was too much .. the few photos I have of that period are a reminderof what I have survived. I feel a lot better now than I did then.

Mirrors are funny things some people care about them .. I tend to avoid them which is bloody hard cos these days they put them on my double doors .. thank god I can also live in my head and not see anything on the outside ...

In response to: Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Thank you @SCORPION, you just described what i see in the mirror every day, i try not to look into any mirrors any more, because i hate what i see, i hate what i have become, and i hate what is going to be.

In response to: A Poem? Maybe?

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

BOOOM- That's dark. But powerful imagery and words. I know what you mean when u say 'just had to write'- Please keep writing and sharing. Thanks 🙂

In response to: A Poem? Maybe?

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

This was a darker one I wrote - It's good to share. Thank you.

Shattered.

Cracked, split
Open to the call
On public display
Mean, lean, and raw.

Broken, smashed
Shattered, and battered
The open wound misunderstood
Often out of place.

Thoughts that echo,
In other peoples heads
A violent silence
That destroys the world.

Mind's own fate, hearts of shit
God, a story, a mental machine,
Stalk the streets,
Empty, invisible unseen.

You understand what is lost
To battle in your dreams
One in four is the cost
You know what it means.

Stan.

In response to: Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Re: A Poem? Maybe?

powerful images .. not a good place to be all the time .. but we need to know that is how it is

In response to: Re: A Poem? Maybe?

Shattered.

Thanks Appleblossom. I wrote this quite a few years ago. I'm in a very much better place now.

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