Oscillation between two mind sets

@creative_writer I'm in the middle when it comes to tight stuff - depends on what it is and where the tightness is. Around my head, neck, or waist? No thanks. But I like wearing tights and having tight sleeves, it's like a clothing hug haha.

Yeah our study environment makes a difference hey. Being at home feels like 'oh it's time for chilling/hobbies/cleaning/etc. but being at uni is like, 'the whole reason I'm here is to study.' Hope you can get some rest in tonight before another early morning!

@Jynx, I can tolerate arms and legs better, but I prefer loose clothing. Feels so much better. I do wear active leggings regularly because it helps with blood circulation and reduces risk of blood pooling. Some of these are pretty high waist but they don’t sit properly around my waist. They might be a bit big waist, but fit everywhere else okay. Clothing sizes are so weird. I would find them irritating if they did sit up high on the waist all day. So probably a good thing they don’t fit well.

I don’t know if I spend too much time in my bedroom, it’s become my place to ruminate now. I also noticed something interesting this morning, when I started thinking about things the flashbacks followed. I think a change of scenario would do me good

@creative_writer Yeah I have always preferred wearing stuff around my hips!! Wearing em at my waist is uncomfy, like it restricts my tummy, don't like it.

Clothing sizes are SO weird! And like, we obviously know by now that humans come in all shapes and sizes, why do clothes have to be so uniform? So annoying.

Hmm yeah our brains are really affected by our environment, so perhaps if you end up ruminating a lot whilst in your room, your brain associates it as 'the place to ruminate'. Could be an opportunity to do stuff like rearrange the furniture, put up new decorations, or add in some fairy lights or something, shake things up a little ya know?

What would a 'change of scenario' look like for you?

@Jynx, exactly, our bodies are all so different. It can be hard to find something that fits properly all over. I do think it would be hard to cater for everyone though, but improvements can be made for sure.

I haven’t decorated for a long time but could look into it. I could also try doing fun stuff in my room too. Change of scenario could be going to uni. It’ll be hot tomorrow, so will need to stay indoors. At least uni is air conditioned well for the most part

Yeah absolutely @creative_writer more variety is always good.

Heck yes, shake things up! Rewrite the script, rewire the neurons, reclaim the space 😎

@Jynx, I also feel like some of the narratives are result of what other people have said or cultural expectations. Like for example, I often feel like I am not trying hard enough. I’ve been told that by an ex-psychiatrist, it must have gotten internalised from that. I have not felt good enough for a long time, might also be related to childhood bullying, having emotions minimised time and time again. The narrative society often builds is that if you’re positive enough everything will be okay. That never works

@creative_writer mm toxic positivity culture is pretty pervasive. I have found that the best kind of positivity is the kind that acknowledges and accepts that there is always gonna be a dark side to life, that difficulties, challenges, and pain are all inevitable. So we must also relish in the good when we find it, enjoy the little things, and accept that sometimes things just really fricken suck. It's obviously a lot harder to do when the cultural narratives are so ingrained, and when trusted/supposedly safe people say things that end up actually doing harm.

Sucks that your psych said that to you, really invalidating. One of my lil mantras/affirmations is, "We can only do what we can do," which is an offshoot of one of the Four Agreements, "Do your best". Our 'best' is gonna look different every day, and some days we just won't have capacity to tick all the boxes. I started saying it to myself after getting my ADHD diagnosis, cos I started to realise that if I tried to keep up with all the NTs around me, I was gonna burn out hard n fast. I think 'just try harder' is one of the most common admonishments that ND folks hear over n over as we grow up, and completely overlooks the fact that when we give 100%, it might look like a NTs 70%, when we shouldn't even be getting compared in the first place.

Do you think it could help to build up some internal validation of your own? Some affirmations and stuff that help you to reassure yourself that the only standards you need to live up to are your own, and that you're allowed to set those standards in a way that will be balanced for your needs and desires. Disentangle yourself from the standards and expectations set out by society and family ya know?

@Jynx, I’ve tried affirmations, but they are one of those things you have to persist with. It still feels fake, but maybe time will make it easier. Or maybe I should try to my inner child instead.

I feel ND are very misunderstood. She misunderstood me as being manipulative. NDs have different ways of communicating

@creative_writer oh yeah they feel so lame, uncomfortable, and awkward at first. I recall feeling almost resentful at the fact that persisting with the lame, cheesy stuff actually started to work. But we all gotta find our own way to make those connections, find the things that are meaningful to us. I think chatting to your inner child is an awesome idea! Gentle re-parenting can do wonders.

Oh yikes.... yeah it's almost like speaking another language sometimes hey. Are any of your professional supports ND? I find it makes a big diff in having that mutual understanding, and not having to explain myself or my ways of thinking so much cos it's their default too. I'm sorry to hear that you were accused of being manipulative, that's really unfair 🫂

@Jynx, I think talking to my inner child is the only way I can make it work.

My peer support worker believes he has undiagnosed ASD. I haven’t really met a therapist who has openly said they are ND. Honestly she wasn’t the best therapist for me. Being on her phone during sessions was a big red flag giveaway