Oscillation between two mind sets

@creative_writer Ahh that sucks, I imagine the extra time in traffic gave more time for drifty thoughts. Is it something you will touch base w your CM about next time?

Yeah it's so hard to 'unwire' the auto-masking behaviours. Reminds me of that model of learning, I forget what it's called but it goes:

Unconscious incompetence

Conscious incompetence

Conscious competence

Unconscious competence

So like first step is to become aware, then start working on it actively, and eventually it becomes automatic. But moving from the second to the third phase can be really challenging, though moving from third to fourth gets easier and easier as you go.

Wish there were easier ways for us to be able to let loose our emotions. Like sound-proof crying rooms on every uni campus 😂

Yeah that's it hey, like I understand the importance of policy - and if it were more of an area of interest for me I'd definitely be someone who is going out to try to change and improve policy and practice, cos lawd knows the MH system needs immense reform. Research was pretty interesting, I remember my teacher for my qualitative research course was sooo lovely - when I told her there was no way my secondary research report was gonna be under the 2000 word limit, she was like 'meh don't worry about it'. It ended up being 8,500 words!! Cos it was on an area of interest (MH orgs for LGBTQ youth, or lack thereof) - and in my experience having a passion for what you're studying or writing about makes all the difference!

You gotta do some research report type assignments this term? Know what you might do them on?

Lol I should obviously invite people over more often, then maybe I'd do my dishes before they cover the entire kitchen bench 🤣

@creative_writer that's really rough hun. I've always been the opposite - cry too much, too hard, at very small stuff. I used to have a pretty crappy relationship with it, thinking there was something wrong with me cos I cried all the time. I've gotten waaaay better since getting ADHD diagnosis, and learning more about emotional dysregulation and how they interrelate. I hope you can do the same - build a better relationship to your tears.

I did a Bachelor of Counselling. Very glad I did, too, I had minored in psychology in my previous degree and there's a pretty stark contrast between the two. Like in psych I was studying like, how the senses work and parts of the brain, but in counselling it was all about how to sit with, support, and work with clients. I know psych has got counselling elements and you can do electives and stuff but for the work I'm doing, the counselling course was perfect.

A 'scoping review paper'? Never heard of that, what's that involve?

@creative_writer I figured as much - only reason we wouldn't be able to cry is cos some kind of social situation made us feel like crying would lead to rejection and abandonment. Which unfortunately is still so prevalent in our society! This horrible idea that crying is weakness, and not just a natural function of our body. I'm sorry that you experienced that hun, that really sucks.

Yeah I totally agree with you. I think having some understanding of the science behind it all is super important. For me, learning about our survival systems/the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system has been really helpful for my mental health. Holistic approaches are 100% the way to go.

Oh true! What area of research are you gonna focus on?

Aww hun, hope that the meds help. And don't forget your breath and using grounding too, powerful tools. Hope it eases off for you 🤞💜

You mentioned policy @creative_writer ... comparative public policy was my favourite thing at uni 😅

I only just realised a lot of uni for me was probably hypomania 😲 I would drink so much coffee and wait until the last minute when I was under a lot of stress and then write 4000 word essays in a day. Well I got a bit better about it later but that was pretty much the pattern.

Scoping eh? Something I never did... it probably would have helped a lot! Instead of just finding sources that had been referenced a lot and hoping they were the main thing.

Talking about crying... I think I have also felt both, crying at the strangest things and then patches of not crying at all. I suppose it is just part of having such a variable mood. Never crying in front of people though... or very rarely I should say. It is such a vulnerable feeling, and I was always afraid both of appearing "weak" and also letting anyone know that things weren't all right with me. Still something I need to work on...

So many ellipses...

...

@Jynx that thing you wrote, about how things become unconscious as you learn them... (another ellipsis), yes I think it makes sense, a lot of emotional regulation and social interaction and things are learned skills. It definitely feels similar to learning a piece of music, first it feels impossible, then a lot of focus and mistakes, eventually can piece it together and then practice makes it muscle memory.

I hope you are both doing alright. I know you are still struggling along @creative_writer I hope it is just the bottom of another trough and you will be climbing the wave again.

@creative_writer yeah I get that - if the feedback you've gotten in the past is that your crying is distressing for others, it makes sense that part of your brain was like 'ok shut that down we don't do that anymore'. Really rough, because crying is supposed to be a social signal that we need help. So not crying means that it's much harder to be able to show people when distress is high and we need support. We shouldn't have to be managing anyone else's emotions when we're dysregulated. Stigma really screws us hey.

Mm maybe some music that is more soothing? Or something nostalgic? I've been on a nostalgia bender lately, listening to some early 2000's anthems. Takes me back haha.

@Acanthiza yeah I mean, it is kinda rough how much time, energy, and effort it can take to practice these kinds of skills, especially when we're super dysregulated and our brains are screaming for 'relief, now! Or I'll die!' - however I also found it really reassuring to know that I wasn't going to be trapped in a state of self-loathing and constant emotional unrest for the rest of my life, and have since worked really hard to get to where I am. I have faith in your ability to do the same 💜

I'm off for tonight, hope your meds help you get some rest @creative_writer and hope your evening is what you need it to be @Acanthiza!!

Chat to you both again soon 😊