Oscillation between two mind sets

Hi @creative_writer , I am new here, nice to meet you!

I am sorry to hear that you're having a hard time currently.

Please know that it is absolutely okay to reach out for support 🙂

@Jynx, yes it does get worse with heat. The call didn’t help enough. I’m not going to try to call again, I give up 😔. I feel ashamed of my past, I’m going to work through this myself because I feel like that’s the only way, I can’t wait till my psych appointment on Monday.

Hi @lavenderhaze, nice to meet you. I hope you find the forums welcoming 🙂

@creative_writer Hey if the call helped even a little, it was worth doing. Even if it wasn't enough, it was still something. Proud of you for trying.

What does 'working through it yourself' look like hun? Anything I can do to help the process?

@Jynx, half of it helped the other half made me feel worse, so not sure what to think of it. I don’t know, I’m trying to work it out. I can’t get back what’s been taken, i need to make meaning somehow or I’ll remain stuck on the “I’ve lost a part of me narrative”

@creative_writer ever done any narrative therapy? Could be a good way to explore this particular narrative in your life. There's some info about it here, and if you want things you might be able to utilise in your own introspection, scroll down to the section labelled "Four Narrative Methods".

Maybe you don't need to get anything back. It sorta sounds like the piece of you that feels like it is missing is your innocence, does that resonate? In which case, doing things that embrace your inner child could be a good way to connect with those parts of yourself. Stuff like finger painting, playing with childhood toys, playing at the park, or reflecting on things that maybe you were shamed for or talked out of doing as a kid, that you can re-embrace as an adult. I recently retrieved some of my childhood stuffed animals from storage at my folks' place - so lovely to have them hanging out above my bed now 😊

@Jynx, narrative therapy has resonated with me. I’ve learnt about it during my degree. I’ll be looking at the link for sure 🙂.

Yeah, it does feel like my innocence was stolen. I can try to embrace that inner child but there is so way to go back, what’s gone is gone. I know lived experience can make you more empathetic and help you understand others who are also struggling. It does come at a cost though. I just hope that cost was worth paying.

I still own stuffed toys 😂. I’ve even bought toys for myself as an adult. I believe two of my teddies need a good wash before they come back to bed with me. They collect so much dust but lighten up the mood

Yay, hope it's a helpful read @creative_writer 😁

Narrative therapy, Internal Family Systems therapy, and Existential therapy have all resonated with me the most over my MH journey. What about you, anything that has been particularly helpful or really sparked your interest?

No going back, no. But we can still nuture the broken parts of ourselves and try to be who we needed when we were younger. That's pretty much what governs the way that I provide support - sharing the tough lessons and the things that helped me break free of the ways I was continuing to hurt myself.

Ooh be careful washing! Some teddies don't survive a washing machine cycle, lol. Hand washing helps! Or if they're a bit scruffy, I know a friend of mine sent her cherished childhood lamb off to a 'toy hospital' for repairs! Which I think is just dandy that it exists hehe.

@Jynx, though my feeling of brokenness makes me wonder why does it matter so much? I guess society ingrains in us we have to save ourselves for the right person. But we don’t always get a choice. In situations where one doesn’t have a choice, is it fair to say one has been robbed of their dignity?

My mum uses pillow cases as laundry bags. You do need something to secure it like an hair tie. Other items would work to secure it too. And mum’s always have the best tips with lots of things. Pillow cases saves delicate clothing and saves you from buying laundry bags

@creative_writer it's funny, I used to believe in 'the one' as it was sold to us by every Disney movie and rom com that comes outta Hollywood. But there's no two people who are ever going to be perfect for each other. Just doesn't work like that, relationships always gonna take work, there's always gonna be stuff that causes tension, and there's no one person who is going to be able to fulfill all of our needs. We evolved to live in communities, not isolated bubbles. It was only when I stopped looking for 'the one' and started to just put effort into the relationships that felt right to me, things got a lot better.

People can only rob you of your dignity if you believe that they have any power over it in the first place. It comes from within, in my experience.

Ohhh your mum is a clever one, I never thought of that! Stealing it hehe. Hope your teddies come out all spick n span and ready for cuddles 😊💜

@Jynx, I don’t think any couple is perfect. Even though my parents love each other, they still argue. I grew up with them arguing in front of me, I sort of wish they didn’t do it so openly, getting caught in family drama is hard as a kid. Sometimes kids feel obliged to take a side. Love is complicated. Couples are humans not superheroes. There is no happy ever after but there are healthy relationships that have ups and downs.

Maybe it is ingrained societal expectations. Women are too often seen a personal property. I think that’s where the problems start.

Haha, my mum is something. We reuse old clothes for cleaning too. We often have old clothing right in front of the shower to absorb moisture and then it’s thrown out. Whenever we run out of shampoo or body wash, she just fills it up with water and it’s good to use. I didn’t know it was a thing, then I watched a video with an Middle Eastern YouTuber whose mother did the same thing 😆