Oscillation between two mind sets

Spent most of the last two days inside @creative_writer as it has been raining here. Today is beautiful - the sun is out and there is barely a cloud in the sky so I am going outside to do a few things.

How are you feeling today Hon?

Can totally imagine @creative_writer. Do you want suggestions or just need to vent? Happy for either, a little brainstorming or just a listening...er... ear? Eye? Whatever the written word equivalent is 😆

@creative_writer hmm if you don't realise till it comes bottling out, sounds like repression has become habit. Which sucks, because things can sideswipe you - buuut also habits can be broken. In my experience, bottling up my emotions tends to lead to big Jynx-explosions, a.k.a. big phat anxiety meltdowns. The hardest part wasn't learning how to express them (though it can be challenging, esp if in early childhood you learned that a particular emotion was bad and shouldn't be felt, like anger), the hardest part was learning to recognise them BEFORE they got to the point where they needed to explode outta me. This is where stuff like mindfulness and becoming the observer of your thoughts and bodily experiences was suuuuper helpful.

If you feel the drive to distract yourself so constantly, perhaps learning to sit with these thoughts and emotions could help. Is it something you've worked on in therapy or anything in the past? Can be easier to sit with the heavy stuff if you've got someone there to keep you present and feeling safe.

Hope my ramblings have been helpful!

@creative_writer ❤️

It's challenging work to rewrite the habits/beliefs we inherit as kids hey @creative_writer. And some archetypes can be sooo ingrained - for me it's been the 'saviour' archetype: always used to put others' needs before my own, more often than not to my detriment. Took me ages to even begin recognising that I even had needs, that I needed boundaries, and that being selfless is actually a necessity of being human. Something I learned was that generally, people will tell me if I'm being burdensome. And some have told me this! But those conversations never resulted in the outcome my anxiety had lead me to believe - the loss of the relationship - in fact they usually strengthened the bonds and lead to better communication habits - like checking in to see if someone has space for my emotions before I offload them.

And if you are burdening someone and they don't tell you, well, that's on them! But on the vast majority of occasions where I was panicking and miserable because I thought I was burdening someone, they always told me that I wasn't. I just had to let myself believe them when my anxiety said they were just lying to make me feel better. Side note: honestly if they are actually lying, then once again that is on them! Cos (and here's a big one for me, took a long time to sink in) we are not responsible for other people's emotions. If someone fails to communicate that they're unable to continue holding space, it's not your fault if they end up feeling burdened when you had no idea they felt that way.

Do you ever check in with people about whether they feel you're being too much? If so, how do they tend to respond?

I'm in a very rambly mood this evening apparently, please let me know if it is unhelpful for me to share these things!