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Oscillation between two mind sets

creative_writerSenior Contributor14 Nov 2023, 6:49 pm AEDT

Oscillation between two mind sets

Sometimes I feel like I’m on top of things and don’t feel like my trauma defines me and I don’t feel so ashamed and scared. Other times I want to hide from the world and feel like a **** (I’m not going to say the word here since I don’t want to trigger anyone) 😭, I feel so ashamed that I don’t want people to know

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In response to: Oscillation between two mind sets

creative_writerSenior Contributor14 Mar 2024, 8:52 pm AEDT

Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

@tyme I’ve done the mindfulness exercise on watching thoughts pass by like clouds. I’ve done elements of ACT. I’ve always found acceptance difficult since it’s been ingrained in me to not accept uncomfortable emotions. I also am noticing my psych appointments aren’t sufficient in covering everything. It’s hard to provide all updates of everything that’s happened in a month

In response to: Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

tymeModerator14 Mar 2024, 8:59 pm AEDT

Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

Would you consider self-study to help yourself @creative_writer ? Trust me, I was very opposed to accepting my thoughts.. but I also realised (after a long time), that pushing them away wasn't getting me anywhere.

In response to: Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

creative_writerSenior Contributor14 Mar 2024, 9:08 pm AEDT

Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

@tyme I may need to take up self study to speed up my healing, I feel a bit stuck and often don’t feel like I’m moving anywhere.

It’s also interesting how I tend to reach out for support here, and find it hard to reach out to a helpline or someone in my life

In response to: Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

tymeModerator14 Mar 2024, 9:14 pm AEDT

Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

I think you can look at it as what 'support' looks like for you @creative_writer

From what I know of you, when you are here, your 'support' looks like just given you space to air what's going on, and also for you to support others.

I can relate to that because I get more of a dopamine rush helping others than I do helping myself. Hence I'm in this profession, and you seeking to be in yours. I think this is how we are made.

In response to: Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

creative_writerSenior Contributor14 Mar 2024, 9:39 pm AEDT

Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

@tyme I probably need a combination of giving and receiving support. It is true I get a rush when helping others which you cannot get by receiving support. My reluctance to reach out to a helpline or someone I know might also be related to not so good experiences after opening up to people. I rather say nothing than feel invalidated. I process invalidation as rejection

In response to: Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

creative_writerSenior Contributor15 Mar 2024, 11:02 am AEDT

Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

The thoughts are screaming in my mind, but I feel like I am better off being silent. That way I am not a burden, and won't be invalidated for my experiences. I rather the earth swallow me whole than drag others down with my depression. I'm tired of pretending to be okay, it's so much easier to just isolate myself because then I don't have to pretend

In response to: Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

amber22Senior Contributor15 Mar 2024, 11:06 am AEDT

Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

Hey there @creative_writer

I am here, you're not alone in these thoughts or feelings

What are you up to today? Is there any support that you can contact right now that might be helpful for you?

In response to: Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

creative_writerSenior Contributor15 Mar 2024, 11:14 am AEDT

Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

@amber22 I know in instances like this it would be good to reach out for support, but I always feel hesitant. Depression makes me feel like a burden and I've had not so good experiences with helplines before, it is hit and miss. I feel too guilty to let my closer friends know how things are going for me, everyone has their own stuff in their life, I don't want to be selfish enough to put this on them. I'm sorry for having to say this, but I rather die fighting than push the weight onto anyone else.

I have a quiz to do today, I'm supposed to be studying but can't concentrate, at this point I am like should I just do the quiz? It's open book and I've copied and pasted the module content on a word document

In response to: Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

amber22Senior Contributor15 Mar 2024, 11:25 am AEDT

Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

I totally understand how depression can make us feel like a burden to others @creative_writer

I definitely have gone through times when I have thought that it would be better off if I kept everything to myself, but in actual fact I know that my friends and family around me really care about me and would be upset knowing that I wasn't honest with them. But thank you for being honest with me ❤️

Good luck with your quiz today, open book sounds like it would be really helpful, see how you go and try your best if you feel up to it. I think you will feel much better once it is over and done with

In response to: Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

creative_writerSenior Contributor15 Mar 2024, 11:43 am AEDT

Re: Oscillation between two mind sets

@amber22 I have to appear okay on the surface and I hate to be the one who is always hurting. I feel like people prefer my fake mask over the real me. People can be judgemental. I would do what I feel the need to do right now if there were no consequences. A part of me even wonders whether I should just start what I want and see if I feel like going through it all. I feel so confused

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.