Need A Backup

thanks @scruffypuffball

hobbies to keep grounded, and FRIEND family... GOOD advice! I'm trying but find it so hard to 'stick-at-it!" (anything), I've become so inconsistent and undisciplined. While doing one task a thousand others disrupt it 'till I do a full circle and see "oh yeh that's what I was doing" :face_with_rolling_eyes:

Oh boy, losing one's marbles is a worry. You sound ok though

@Salviamy therapist said she had a client in the same situation as (us) and he said I dont have family but I have a family of friends. That was a nice way of putting it. The trick is to not force or rush relationships. I tried that and it blew up in my face. Just immerse yourself in things you enjoy. The friendships will come when you are not looking so to speak. It happens organically.

I follow Shahida Arabi on facebook and twitter and she does a good job of reminding people to centre themselves after abuse. It is a good resource. When i am feeling down, I read her articles and it lifts me somewhat. Its what works for me, everyone is different. Here is an example:

https://www.selfcarehaven.org/no-contact

"I'm trying but find it so hard to 'stick-at-it!" (anything), I've become so inconsistent and undisciplined. While doing one task a thousand others disrupt it"

Yes we all suffer from that, but over the years I have learned to go easy on myself. I dont know your situation, but grief, trauma etc can leave you with a scattered brain. You have been through a lot and your brain is trying to adapt. You will have limited spoons. Easy does it.

I follow Dr Glen Doyle on twitter, he is a trauma survivor himself and gives such comfort to his followers through his wisdom and communication style. Here is an example

He reminds you that what happened to you was not your fault. Be gentle with yourself in these times. Sorry I copied this from instagram without an account and it is cut of at the sides but you get the drift...

Hi @scruffypuffball

Thanks for the link. We have access to so many helps these days. But right now I'm having my first cuppa as restless night.

Speaking of relationships, I received a msg today that an old friend wants my address to mail me a birthday gift. This old 'friend' has been estranged for 5yrs (once close) became quite vindictive and stonewalling any attempt for peace. It's strange. What should I do? The 'go-between' doesn't want to appear to be taking sides. I have a PO box

@Salvia I cannot talk about your specific case without examples of their past behaviour which establishes whether the relationship is toxic or not. Obviously I cant give advice on these forums just information of what to look for as red flags and direct you to call 1800 Respect to help you define if the relationship was toxic.

You use the words vindictive and stonewall... the word vindictive raises a red flag, you also used the word "strange". If people show those traits, lets just say personally with me my family showed vindictiveness after I established a boundary against their toxic patterns. For me personally it is a sign to stay away. If you have doubts and especially if you feel vulnerable, and if this person has made u feel uncomfortable in the past, give yourself some space. Perhaps the peer support workers on this forum can give advice as well.

@tyme @amber22

It does feel weird that after 5 years of not talking and being vindictive they are re-establishing contact. I can give you info about how narcissists (toxic people) work in relation to this. Sometimes toxic people try to hoover, suck you back in to a relationship after not talking to you for a while. But there is a type of hoovering called "induced contact" which means they dont just text or call you to say hi, as you can say Hi back and that is the end of the interaction. They will try and get in to your life by going "hey you left your CD collection at my house, call me so we can organise a time for you to come over and pick them up". That type of interaction induces you to text/call them back. If they just said hi you can choose to not respond. They in essence, force a response by doing this. If you are in an abusive relationship and this happens to you for example, the rule is to not respond at all. Leave the CD collection there. Buy new ones. Your safety is more important.

Again, I dont know the context of this relationship you have with this person, so this may not apply to you, but it is for your information only. the question you have to ask yourself is, if this *is* induced contact, do you want to re-establish a relationship with this person? Also if you choose to accept her "gift" via your PO box address she might want something in return... Also if you are hesitant to give your home address to her, is she really someone you feel comfortable around and trust?

Thanks @scruffypuffball

I got back to go between and suggested they refuse to be a go between & refer them back to last comms which haven't changed.

Today I'm non functional. I've gotta get to the chemist but every time i get up to dress i find myself back in tge chair with a cupp of tea 😟 this is going on all day. What's happening, why can't I stay focused! I need a shower and my bp pills grr

Will try again shortly

Hey @Salvia ,

How are you today?

I'm sorry to read you weren't feeling so well on yesterday. Is today any better?

@Salvia @tyme @Snowie @amber22

hey guys I saw this and it made me chuckle.

Lol. I LOVE it! @scruffypuffball

@Jynx - see the above. Too funny.

Hahaha @scruffypuffball @tyme that is toooo accurate!! 🤣🤣

Deffo worth sharing in the ADHD thread too!

@scruffypuffball that's pretty funny, the mug. I want one! I found this meme last week:

"I had a thought and then I had another thought. They bounced off each other and now i cant find either one" 🤣

We just gotta be kind to ourselves on these days.

Tonight I'm in emotional pain / distress, from loneliness I think. So isolated. Hard to stay positive. Just gone to bed, put a movie on, again.