Nothing feels real

Hi @creative_writer

Sounds like you are doing some well deserved self care! You deserve it 💛

I hope you can find trust within this community, we are here for you 🙂

I too grew up with a mum who had mental health issues. It was a lot and I can really resonate with what you are sharing. Wow sounds like a lot to process and recognise.

How are you holding up?

@Melbcoffeesnob and @fluffylight, I’ve been slowly learning to trust. It was scary telling one of my peers at uni about how hard it was last week with flashbacks, it proved to be beneficial, she was really supportive. Having supportive peers during uni classes and placement does make a huge difference. I’ve been heightened for so long, that sometimes I start second guessing myself for opening up. I know not everyone will hurt us, but it is still a risk.

This is the first time I am really talking about my mum’s SI. She didn’t openly say she was suicidal but it seems like she has had moments when she didn’t want to be here. I don’t really want to go into the details, I feel bad, I’ve been thinking about this one incident I witnessed as a teen. I don’t think I understood at the time, but it was scary. She no longer behaves like that and probably is in a better emotional state than before. She was probably just hurting a lot then. Still a very anxious and stressed mum though. I hate to say this when she has been a caring and loving mum my entire life

Trusting can take so much time especially when there are parts of us that have been hurt in the past.

I am so glad that went okay to share with your peer 💛 @creative_writer

It must be a lot that you are processing, I can really hear how much it's been impacting you. It sounds like you are remembering your past experiences and noticing how stressful those times were. I can also hear how you can recognise that your mum has had some tough times but also has been a caring and loving mum to you. I wonder how you are navigating through all of this?

I hope you find time to care for yourself, you are holding so much. You deserve it.

Please know that we are here for you 💛
fluffylight x

@fluffylight 💖

I didn’t specify what the flashbacks were about, I don’t really know her too well yet. I hate telling people about SA.

Regarding my mum, I do feel like I was emotionally neglected at times but that was probably because she had a lot on her plate. I was fortunate to grow up with caring and loving parents, I know many grow up with abusive parents so I have a lot to be grateful for. My childhood wasn’t perfect, but all those little traumas added up. I didn’t have parents I could emotionally turn to, I was bullied and had undiagnosed MH issues, ASD and anxiety. I didn’t really fully acknowledge those little traumas until I went to therapy for adult SA. That’s when things started to unpack

A friendly hello and checking in on you @creative_writer

Wow, what a wonderful thing you have done with being brave and reaching to your fellow placement students! I can see you have incredible courage and strength by reaching out and asking for help. It's not always easy to open up and share our vulnerabilities, but your willingness to do so is truly admirable.

Also, sounds like you have some wonderful supportive people in your life 😎

Hi @Snowie, I hope you had a lovely day too, I was thinking about you at uni 💖. I don’t get much breaks in between, only a lunch break. I gave myself a prayer break too even though technically that’s not scheduled in, I just started slightly earlier instead to account for that.

@Melbcoffeesnob, it took me a long time to open up. Generally speaking, I’ve heard students are supportive of each other when on placement. However, I did sort of feel judged in my last placement by another student. I got kicked out of the placement and placed in a different one, which ended up being more beneficial for me. I am naturally shy, and it gets misinterpreted at times. My placement coordinator was not very happy with how they handled my situation, she has that motherly vibe

@Snowie, body flashbacks have haunted me again today, I have been unwell with migraine and viral symptoms. I didn’t sleep very well. I pushed through uni because I needed a distraction to stay sane, I am utterly exhausted 😔.

I hope you had a better day💖