AonaranSenior Contributor
Struggling to be
Hi all,
I'm a new poster here, and finally stepping up to say hello. New to posting, that is, but I've been reading here for a while.
My main reason for not posting is that I haven't known what to say about myself. I still don't. I've nothing to be proud of; I'm ashamed of how I've ended up, and what a failure my life has been. I've been heavily depressed for most of it but done my best to be a "brave little soldier"; spent a little over twenty years on anti-depressants which merely dulled me as I watched life slipping out of my grasp.
I've tried. Really hard. I don't have a lot of contact with other people, because ... well, I simply don't trust people any more, and there's not a soul on the planet who cares about my well-being or even existence. I've reached out for help several times to so-called professionals, but it hasn't gone well. I don't have a reason to be here any more, but i'm too much of a coward to do anything about it. (More shame.)
I'm not fishing for reassurance or compliments. I'm aware that what I've said doesn't sound inviting of help or kindness, but it's my way of saying "I Exist", in an honest assessment.
I don't know what it would take to ignite my pilot light again. I really wish I did. But I suspect things have gone too far into the dark to ever escape the numbing shadow of What Might Have Been.
I admire those who can be positive, and brandish hope. Good luck to you all.
