Struggling to be

I hear ya, @Writetopeople

I notice your post is gone from the thread. If that's a sign of your feeling discouraged, then I apologise I wasn't quick enough with a reply, and I hope you'll come back to chat.

Yes, I can relate to your feelings -- I know in myself it can be really tough. I think of this aloneness as a search to connect with one's Tribe, and the loneliness as the sign that it matters to our being. Responding to that urge for connection, of course, means finding them in the first place and recognising them for who they are. And I know from experience we're not all born into our Tribe. It's tough that we're not, and that it becomes our life task to find them. Some people don't have to look very far, some people never look beyond their own horizons and seem to settle for those who happen to be around them, only to realise later in life how alone they are, and for others (like us, I guess) it becomes one of our life's primary journeys, to find our Home. For many of us, there's a good chance it'll have no ending. At least, that's how it's been for me.

And I think our lack of Home makes other people uncomfortable, and some (most?) people really aren't up to talking about it, probably because they just don't know how. I think the yearning frightens them. Some want to comfort us out of it (and smother our yearning under emotional blankets), some get angry with us because they don't know how else to change our talk, or even to help us find what we're seeking. Do they mean well? Do they really have our interests at heart? Or are they making things easier for themselves? Honestly, it's hard to tell.

Your post put me in mind of the Tarot card Death, at least in one respect: people unfamiliar with Tarot assume it must carry the literal meaning, the end of physical Life, but it's really a sign of transition, the end of a phase or perhaps a view of ourself. I'm wondering if your thoughts of Death can be seen as a yearning for something to change? Please understand, I'm not trying to tell you what to think, nor to contradict anything any professionals you may be working with might say. But Death is a pretty potent metaphor, and many wise people hold that it doesn't always mean the obvious. I'm thinking that might be worth your exploring.

Please stay with us and talk. I'd like to hear more of what you have to say.

Kind regards,

Aonaran

it might have been mods asking it to be changed .. we get used to that ...

but please stay and write to us on the forum @Writetopeople

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@Appleblossom wrote:

it might have been mods asking it to be changed .. we get used to that ...

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I don't. As it happens, my reply was delayed because a Mod felt something I'd referred to was potentially a trigger.

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@justanother47yr wrote:
Hello @Appleblossom
@Aoneon

I've been reading your oh fab messages. Can I push it a little further though ........
'Making people uncomfortable and you write anger and wrapping blankets ....'
Those 2 emotions are the only range in emotions that many many people only have.

Compassion and empathy and gracious listening, silent love...... Is not

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Hiya @PeppiPatty Anne,

You put it so well. 😉 Yes, I think you're so right. (I personally would add patience and curiosity to your "not" list, if I may.)

I find dealing with such people very hard to negotiate, especially when the other person gets angry and apparently feels entitled to tell me off, and I want to say, "No, stop! the problem here is your limitation, not mine!"

I'd be oh so happy not to have had this kind of strife in my life, and I imagine a lot of others here feel the same. Because people who don't have to confront these feelings are like houses with rooms that no-one's ever been in and where no light has ever been switched on -- many times they don't even know the room is there -- but it's like one less room they have to clean and paint and furnish. They can simply say, "There's no such room", and it becomes the other person's problem by default. I imagine that would be easier, never having to question oneself, and leaving the People Who Contemplate (i.e. Us) to figure it out.

Sorry to presume with a "we". @Aonaran But it is part of my back to joining the human race, if everybody else is allowed to use "I", "you" and "we" then I need to start using those words as I am part of the human race too. I am open to other people clarifying their positions and hope the same is extended to me..

I thought the poster had left an email address and was asked to remove it. I am sorry they have not posted again because what i read was generally fine.

I am too used to being ignored and in a vaccuum .. so I guess I take the mods' interaction as a positive and am mostly happy to oblige, rather than feel offended. We are all different. Though their are some things that upset me about the limits of what we are allowed to post.

AAhh just a few capital letters gives some dignity ... to People Who Contemplate. I am embracing my loner and anchorite these days.

I also feel homeless very often ... thought I should just go and leave house to my son etc...and smothered by emotional blankets at times .. I realise I dont have a big repertoire when it comes to discussing emotions as nobody has ever tried to talk with me about things .. I am interested rather than dogmatic and struggle to be all the time. I have looked at lists and subscribed to newsletters about empathy and normal psychology ... verbalising feelings are not my strong point .. so I see an area for growth ...

Struggling ... What kind of emotion is that?

Evening @CherryBomb,

I hope your weekend has treated you kindly.

CB, I hear you clearly about not wanting to be pushed, or to venture forward before you're ready. I really respect what you say, and think you put it incredibly well. Thank you for summing it up so clearly.

I've been musing on your question:

I often wonder about why some people feel attached to needing to be right - what does this say about their sense of self? Could it be that their sense of self is so rocky that nothing can question it? If this is the case, how can one really better themselves if there is nothing wrong?

I think you're spot on with what you say, but I have some other thoughts on it as well. It seems to be incredibly common on the Internet, and yes, there's the thought that people indulge themselves in incredible levels of rudeness on the Internet just because they can get away with it. But does that really explain it? That, given an increased chance, people will automatically act badly? I hope not.

I'm mindful of a book by a hero of mine, the American poet Robert Bly, one of a group of men drawn to transpersonal psychology and mythopoeics who started the Men's Movement in the US. He saw that the underlying archetpes in our society were being eroded -- in particular the Mother and Crone of the Wise Woman trinity, and the Elder Sage and Shaman from the men, and what we're largely left with are the Maiden and the Fool. His book is called The Sibling Society, becaue he feels our society is stuck in a place of rebellion and rejection of authority, where what is manifested generally is bragging, resentment, rivalry, greediness and a kind of sullen obstinacy. I think there's some truth to it. Obviously it's not a sweeping reality of every single person in every instance -- these are currents he's talking about -- but it is enough to form an overall pattern. I can certainly see it in myself (though I'm a bit inverted, so instead of being a braggart I'm more frightened and bewildered).

I think it ties in with what Anne @PeppiPatty was asking t'other day about Jung and the Collective Unconscious (I haven't forgotten you asked about that, Anne; I hadn't said much yet because I was wondering if @CherryBomb might have some good comments to make). It's a subject I'm very much interested in, how archetypes play out in our day-to-day.

I hope it's obvious that I'm wanting to converse, not trying to state things as "facts". I'm very intrested to hear your thoughts, @CherryBomb, and those of anyone else who wants to jump in. 😉

Th class you did sounds very much like something I would have enjoyed. Who was presenting it, if you're happy to share? I used to go to a lot of experiential workshops, but I'm afraid nowdays they seem tailored (i.e. priced) towards the PODIs (Plenty Of Disposable Income). (What, bitter? Me?!)

Yes, I really loved "Moon". Made me so cross! (Ha-ha!!) Also put me in a bit of a funk for a few days, about the nature of reality, and explitation, and how far we can trust our own perceptions. I'm having a lot of trouble these days trusting what's said to me, so there was a fair bit of sediment in the stream.

Brrr, where I'm at has turned cold again lately -- Winter seems to have come back for one last bite -- and I've pulled an all-nighter again. I seem to not want to go to sleep in case I miss something, though I haven't a clue what that "something" might be ... but it means I'm zonked out now, so apologies if I'm not making much sense, and I want to say something but can't quite work out what it is, and i really should turn the heater off (electricity bills! aagghhhh!!!) and go to bed.

I'll come back to this, and try to make some sense next time round.

'Night all,

Aonaran