Boundaries

@BlueBay

Did I upset you in some way?

I'm like you I was diagnosed with BPD in my early 40's so I too have been conditioned for so long thinking I was normal and my boundaries are normal then realising its not. We asre so hard wired from this and then in your 40's trying to turn your whole ife around its damn hard. I too get very very upset if people say we are being "manipulative". I dont think I have ever sat there and thought "I will do this and that to get what I need" example what my partner is going of at me about lately.

We dont buy springwater as we know a lot of the time its just filtered water and you pay so much for it. Lately he asked me to buy some little bottles of it so he can keep in the car for when he goes out in case he needs it - the size is 300ml. I would like to have spring water for work as I currently take cordial from home as I cant stand the taste of tap water and I said well maybe I can get some for work. He didnt reply (later found out that he was sick of this topic with me) anyway I went to buy him a slab of them and most of the shelves were empty and I couldnt remember the size of them, because he was being abusive to me I wasnt about to call him at home to ask or even sms. So it was hard to tell through the plastic and I got a slab of them and took them home.

It turned out to be a bigger size and he is saying how manipulative I am because the ones I bought 600ml would be perfect for me to take to work and I did this on purpose so I can have what I want - like a kid having a tantrum!

I'm not religious but honest to god I did not contemplate that all and I can see what he is saying but that was not the intention it was just a mistake. I get this sort of crap all the time and I have got to the stage that if anyone states I'm manipulative I just want to punch them.

I really dont think anyone can understand where we are coming from unless they stand inour shoes and have BPD.

@BlueBay

Please keep posting and let me know if I have somehow upset you, I think so much of you and we are so similar that is the last thing I would want to do and having someone like you who understand me as well is such a gift.

Also I need to work on these boundary issue like you and it would be great if we could some how help each other through this forum.

🙂

No @Change123

you didn't upset me at all 🙂

it's this damn BPD that shits me so much. I hate it. I am so much like you, our stories are so much the same.

Boundaries really get to me so much becaue i try so hard to stick to them but it never works. Nothing is working at the moment.

so much for resting all i am doing is crying.

i know you understand me becasue we share so much of the same. Pls be assured you have not upset me in any way. xxoo

Thanks @BlueBay

What I need to learn and we all need to is how to recognise we are overstepping them becvusae like you it just happens and I dont realise until someone says something - the same with apparent inappropriate things I say.

This might make you smile this is the sort of things I say and Appleblossom said it right on another post that the harder I try the worse I do. My partners mate was over yesterday and I always get told I say the wrong things around him so I tried really hard and guess what... My comment was over some old raspberry jam this guy found in a tube and when he squeezed it it came out all runny and gooey but what I said was "its all wet and drippy"! good things to say to a guy from a woman! The poor guy just gave me this quirky smile and I quickly tried to back track once I realised but ti was too late. I definitely have Foot n mouth disease!

I'm just waiting on my partner to comment over this. 🙂

I guess we cant expect to turn 40 years of doing something on its head overnight but I know trying and trying and failing and failing gets you down.

Take care

Hi @BlueBay,

I think it's great that you posted and continue to post. I believe that your posts will help others. Of course, if you feel uncomfortable, then it's perfectly fine to withdraw from the conversation.... there is no pressure to continue. We all have to do what's best for us and honour ourselves.

I often withdraw from conversations without even saying anything. I think other people can relat to this need..

I hope you are going well.

Hi @Change123,

I think saying "it's all wet and drippy" was hilarious in a good way. I don't think it has too many connotations! It's just a random, silly thing to say. How your friend wanted to take it was up to him... but I think he would have seen the silly side of it.

Thanks @Sahara

Sometimes I do find that what I say on here is not right and that I may upset people. Or at times all I write is about me and I forget to ask how others are. And then I don't want to be seen as 'oh there she goes again, all about her". It's not that I don't care about others It's that i get so caught up in my own little world that i just go on and on.

I hope you are doing okay. xxxoo

@BlueBay,

don't be too hard on yourself. Talking about yourself is what these forums are for. It's perfectly fine to talk about whatever you want. You don't always need to feel you must respond to others or acknowledge everyone else. People here do understand that when you are distressed it's almost impossible to do this.

Hugs to you!

Thanks @Sahara

Hugs back to you too 🙂

Hope you have a nice day.