Going off alcohol

@Fee1 I never post from work which is why I'm not on the forum here much. I do work ft. It's a struggle sometimes as I need a MH day ocassionally. But I'm usually either very well or very sick, not so much in between. I haven't had a full blown episode for years now - just some wobbly days/weeks. I'm one of the lucky ones.

I enjoy the public service coz of the flexibility it provides me. I can work from home etc. Good conditions.

Reading through this thread... I've had a bit of an epiphany. I think although I don't drink every single day, I am still battling with alcoholism. Why, you may ask?

Before my best friend took her own life 12 years ago, I use to drink to get drunk every day. If I was drinking, I was out of mind on other substances. I did all this to 'cope' the nightmare which was going on in my own mind. It somehow made it easier to accept that I just wasted, not mentally ill (for me at least). Every single time I went to hospital, I would have the combination of detoxing as well as being treated for a mental illness (dual diagnosis).

Fast forward 12 years and while I hardly drink these days, when I do have a tipple, I go overboard. When I drink alcohol I do not take my medication because I know it is dangerous to mix the two. I literally get a taste for it and don't know when to stop when I go overboard. Feel really bad mentioning this, because to be honest I thought I had reached the point in my life where I could have a couple and stop, but I can't. I drink until the bottle is dry (I drink spirits too). If my friends I am drinking with offer me more alcohol after I've exhausted my own supply, I jump at the chance.

I guess I am still an alcoholic after all. I feel kind of embarrassed knowing this.

Helllo @Former-Member, wonderful to see you my friend , how are you

Hello @Queenie, @Fee1, @Catcakes, @NatalieS

Hi @Queenie

I can relate to what you are saying. Please don't beat yourself up about feeling embarrassed because you think you are unable to control drinking alcohol. Although I'm not medically qualified, I believe addictions are illnesses, similar to mental illnesses, and for me, in relation to alcohol, I am addicted and always will be. Not sure whether there is a relationship between different personality types and addictions, but I believe there is a definite relationship between different experiences whicn have shaped a person's outlook on life and addictions. Personally I don't like the word "alcoholic" as it has negative meanings for me. I know I will always struggle with alcohol but I am more at peace with myself as I accept there are long periods of time when I don't even think of alcohol, but there are also times when when life throws me a curve ball and I just want to drink myself into oblivion. You are a good person, and this aspect of your life is only a dot of your personality and being. I am trying hard to accept myself and who I am, so as not to feel as guilty about my on-off relationship with alcohol. Sending you warm thoughts and a hug, if you need one. Take care.

Hi @Shaz51

All ok here. Hope you're having an ok day.

Hey @utopia.

Just read your post. Maybe the addiction is the need to numb not necessarily the alcohol.....although I expect theyre two sides of the same coin. I’ve been doing something similar to switch off feelings too. I know it’s maladaptive but at those moments my control is week. I think it’s important not to beat yourself up though. Today didn’t work out how you planned. Maybe tomorrow will. Thinking of you 💜🤗