While in hospital

Hi again @Shaz51 @Decadian @utopia

I have just come home from psychologist appt. Unfortunately she only had 1/2 hour avail but i took it because i needed to talk to someone. She was happy to see me and i vented my anger at the hospital and also at my pysch. But i did ask her first that if i say something about my psych would she tell him. She replied only if she thought that he needed to know. But everything i say to her is confidential. I guess if i was not in a good frame of mind she would then have to tell my psych.,

Anyway we spoke about my anger leaving the hospital; my anger at my psych. told her i feel he does't understand.

She said somethingn like - you can never forget and forgive for your mum and dad have done (more my mum) and people just can't stay 'oh just move on' or 'let go'. She said she doesn't use those words. Instead she uses 'let it be'., She is going to help me grieve my parents, get my anger out and just let it be and then accept that i can live my live and accept that the relationship is broken and try not to fix it. she says that at the moment in my head i am going through so much 'what if i did this' what if that' why is my mum like the way she is' - all this she said is not helping. it's most likely causing more harm.

I feel this lady is so compassionate and understands how difficult it is for to not have my parents around. She gets me and i am so happy to have found her. She said that once we work on that part wihich will take a long time that i will feel free. And then after that we will work on me.

I know this is going to be a long journey of healing but i have faith in her. and i guess i have to trust her and know that she will do best for me. She told me she wants me to get better, physically and mentallhy.

She also suggested that maybe it's time i stop and think about work and take next week off as well. i was hoping of going back next Wednesday and i did tell her that because of our finances but i told her that i am not mentally or physically well and that i will not go next week. i just have to email my supervisor and let him know. oh and tell hubby. But the good side of that is that while i was in hopsital and stressing about our finances we talked about it and i made an appt for him to see the guy at the bank which he did on his own and we have approved some extra money to tidy the house up a bit and give me a breather to have next week off. i really need to thank my husband for going to the bank on his own.

Feeling really tired now, think i need a nap and when hubby comes home we might go for a walk along the beach.

i will come back on later.

I can imagine how challanging that call would have been to make @BlueBay Well done for seeking support today and sharing your experience and anger to the relevant place.

I hope you enjoy your rest and walk this evening with your hubby and dog.

Take Care,

Pebbles 🙂

Hi @BlueBay .... 🌷💜

I like the sound of this psychologist ..... "let it be" is such a good antidote, even though it takes practice to apply. My mum used to say "park it up for now ....", like a car that you can't drive for some reason, and it's the same sort of analogy ....

"Let it be" means that whatever is troubling you has validity, but is unresolvable, either in this moment, or indefinitely .... so it is acknowledging the thing, but dis empowering it at the same time.

O have tended to say "put it down for now" to my kids ..... and something I can walk away from, I say "put it down, step over it, and walk away .... leaving it in the dust behind you". That gives me a mental picture of the thing, lying like a discarded rag, all dirty and yucky to try to pick up again, which helps me not to, but it means it's still there somewhere .... lying in the dust ... I can still revisit it if I want to .... but when I do, I "get it" that it is dirty, discarded, no longer need to carry it around with me .... and no longer want to ....

I hope that helps you. I have not suffered the way you have, my losses have been different, and less intense and disabling .... but if the principle can help you, even a little, that will be a good thing ...

Hugs n hugs .... you're doing great .... keep swimming @BlueBay .... and we're all with you like a pod of dolphins .....

It does sound like you are onto a good thing with your new psychologist @BlueBay. It is hard to do but once you 'let it be' there will be a new found freedom. I know this because I went through it last year with something I had held onto very closely for a few years. It will give you a chance to work on you as she said. That's the way it is working for me. In the meantime take good care of you and hold on to your new found hope that things can get better. I hope you have a peaceful Christmas. 💜🤗

I think your friends reaction is very normal @BlueBay. She sounds like a great friend. Mine is somewhat similar. She has gone out before looking for my car in my suicide spot when she suspected things were bad (two years ago) and she found it there with me missing but I was in hospital. I had called lifeline and they called emergency services. It's a 45 min drive for her. I got a good telling off. My point is it gives you another layer to hang on for. I owe my friend so much for all the drama I've put her through. It is another reason to stay. Your friend is just saying what a good friend would.

Im sorry it is a hard night. I hope you sleep well tonight. Well done for getting through today 💜🤗

Hello @BlueBay xx

of course we care for you my friend xoxoxo

good night and I hope you have a good sleep

sending you hugs