Thanks so much @Zoe7 . I feel it, but I am also having to practice “radical acceptance” in a very steep curve.
WH has increased control over everything that is supposed to be divided to enable me to move on, and has moved back into our condensed living space (yep .... not even going to try to reach for emojis around this one ....) where he can parade his New Person of Romantic Interest all over what was our life, and right outside my door, all over everyone and every place that was part of our life here, and in my absence did something similar over here in the west, as a visitation, but as rudely invalidating as he could be without losing social standing. As it has been, it’s all smoke and mirrors and dancing in the shadows.
As far as I am concerned, it’s all just ticking more boxes towards a potential future diagnosis ..... but tiresome and abusive in the process. The disordered eating patterns fit the picture too - there are invariably addictions attached to this thing, but as the “driver” behind it all emerges, it shows that rather than being on a wrong track with everything I have looked at up until now, it actually appears (by what I am reading about the condition( to encompass all of it.
I am finding my sense of empathy parked to one side though, and I think that is both important and necessary in regard to self-preservation moving forward. There are legs people involved, and it looks like that is our future for the moment .....
The kids are awash, but coping day to day. Unfortunately the change in our status also means that I can’t talk to them in any depth at all about what is going on. All I can do is shoulder as much grace-under-fire as I can, and keep taking the baby steps forward. That much hasn’t changed.
Thank you so, so much to you, and everyone else, who kept posting to me while I was away, and unable to post back. It was the biggest comfort knowing that I was here even when I wasn’t.
❤️
