Far and Away

Do you have problems with people @Zoe7 and @Faith-and-Hope ?

You both seem so warm and supportive and accommodating, like you have so much warmth and energy for so many people on the forum and irl.

I feel hopelessly weak and vulnerable around people. I can't cope with the slightest offense, insult or anger from people. I feel so badly wounded. I have a very short temper & rage problem but try to never express it 'cos I don't want to harm anyone. My meds help a lot with that. I don't think it's right morally to be cruel to others but feel I'm often on the receiving end of it. Do you guys struggle with any of that stuff?

@Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Former-Member @outlander @CheerBear @BryanaCamp @Sans911 @Teej @MDT @Snowie @eth and all passing through...

I worked back late tonight to getsome testing entered into a database - part of the new me not wanting to bring work home if I can avoid it. There is still a little to do but I got everything entered - just the analysis to complete. Ir is a spelling program I am doing with one of the classes for the teacher - she is very grateful for the help and spelling is something I am pretty good at so easy for me to do ...just time consuming to intially set up.

Feeling pretty tired and my neck is definitely in need of some rest - but a couple of hours sitting at the computer in terrible light and at a not so comfortable chair will do that - it is done though so tat is a huge bonus.

A pretty good day today - worked with a couple of small groups and individual students and although it was hard to get a couple of them working we got there eventually. It has been hard for the normal teachers to get any work out of a couple of those kids this week so it was great to finally get there with them - one on one certainly helps.

Very much looking forward to not having to get up and out early tomorrow - finding it hard to get going in the mornings again - but see my pdoc tomorrow so I will talk to her about the meds, nightmares and waking so often during the night.

All in all a good day though - take the wins when I get them. Will reply to you individually soon after I feed the fur babies. Hope you all had at least a little light in your days and sending youo all some hugs for those that have had a difficult day and also those that need them

glad to hear you had a pretty good day @Zoe7 , hope you can relax and recharge tonight for tomorrow

thank you @Faith-and-Hope , @Former-Member for the callout this morning xxxx

Hello @BryanaCamp , @Former-Member , @outlander

we did 6 hours working indorrs today , raining alll day

did a couple things for mum before coming home at 3pm

@BryanaCamp I do still have some issues with people Hon. I am very guarded and it takes me a while to find my own voice when I am with others. I am also good with people and can talk to just about anyone if I need to. I think part of that is what I have learnt through teaching but also partly knowing who I am and being prepared to voice my opinions and point of view - depending on the reading of the situation as well. Sometimes it is better to say nothing to 'keep the peace' and I certainly ofetn do that. Interpersonal relationships are hard - and not something I actively seek out. I have a lot of contact with people through my job but would much rather be on my own with my fur babies when I am not at work. I think we can be both good with people and enjoy being on our own.

In saying all that I can also say that I have had periods in my life (sometimes long periods) where I have certainly been very much affected by the slightest offence, insult or anger from people. For me the more stressed I feel the harder it is to deal with those things - that is when distance and thinking the situation through is needed - and sometimes that comes with some real low lows but often people are like that not because of you but because of what is going on in their lives - that is a distinction we need to make to understand where that typ of aggression is coming from. It is therefore often not you that is the cause of thst aggression but you are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Once I can reach that point in my thinking I am able to get passed it.

I also don't think it is right morally to be cruel to anyone but knowing that it is often not you but where they are at does help get through that. It still does not make it okay but there is always a reason for it. Some people just don't 'get it' either @BryanaCamp and they are the ones you need to walk away from and protect yourself.

Hi @Zoe7 whenever you talk about your teaching in detail your devotion is inspiring.

Hope you've had some relief from your toothache and that you get some good solutions about your difficult nights from your pdoc tomorrow. One of the meds I'm on suppresses adrenalin responses and since getting to the right dose for me I very rarely have ptsd nightmares/night flashbacks. It's such a blessed relief. I still wake often but not in a state of panic and am able to get back to sleep much more easily. Wishing the same outcome for you.

We reduced one of my night meds @eth as I was too tired in the mornings but that has meant I am not sleeping as well any more so suspecting we will up them again tomorrow. I am not having as many nightmares but when I do have them I am awake for a while before I can shake it off and get back to sleep. We had pretty much knocked those on the head for several months so I don't want to go back down that road where I don't want to go to sleep again ...will discuss it with my pdoc tomorrow though.

@Faith-and-Hope How did your appoitnemtn go this morning Hon - was thinking about you all day knowing it may have been a tough session for you after the last few days you have had 🌹💜

Hi @Zoe7

This morning’s appointment went well. I did talk about how I had been feeling yesterday, and the reasons why, but my feelings had settled a lot. I am still thinking about how to problem-solve with it all, and the answers will come, but by bit .....

I came home and rested up all afternoon, before starting on homework again tonight. I also have to wash linen from my older kids visiting, and try to do something with the house, but I have already figured on it taking all week, and I have until next Tuesday before my mr. is back. He was here for a longer stint for our Easter, and now he will be away for a longer stint. D3 is heading west for a long weekend with her sister, who is unwell and needing medical intervention shortly. It’s a relatively routine problem

and solution though ..... but still not something you really want to have happening. Mr. will fly back with D3 next week.

@BryanaCamp I don’t usually have difficulty with people, but that doesn’t make me a saint .... lol ..... I have a lot of “people skills”, and I like to think I am warm and friendly ...... but I have an in-law family who have been very emotionally abusive. It took me a long time to recognise that that was what it was, because there is a passive-aggressive nature to much of it, and I think they honestly don’t recognise themselves as abusive. I have also met others like that within our community ..... antisocial in a variety of ways, and aggressively so. Whether they are actually asps, ocpd, npd or whatever, learning about the traits involved has helped be develop strategies to deal with it, and to train my “baby dragons” not to burn their mumma or anyone else around them ....

In saying that, they are better equipped naturally to deal with people of their nature and hold their own ground than I ever was. Part of my teaching of them is to hold true to moral grounding and integrity in the midst of it all, and work from defence, rather than attack, in dealing with it. I think they are doing a bl%dy good job of it too ❣️

Anxiety and depression are part part of the scene, and our youngest two fell down with that when my hubby seemed to suddenly trigger into those family / community channels and we “lost” him ..... but it’s pribably true that he triggered a long time ago in his work arena, somehow developing dual states of existence until the business was sold, and that aggressive controlling side of his personality had no other outlet ...., and overtook us all at home.

That was a long answer to your question. I hope it makes sense.

I thought you may have a lot to talk about today but glad it went okay @Faith-and-Hope.

I am also glad that your feelings have settled a little - no doubt that is also from a sense of reflief that Mr. is away for an extended period of time and you can also settle a little. It is lovely that D3 is going to spend some time with D1 - especially when she is so unwell. It doesn't matter whether the fix for D1 is an easy one or not - it is your child who is unwell and you are of course going to be worried about her and for her. I hope she comes through this really quickly and can be on the road to recovery. Many, many good wishes coming your way for both you and D1 💕

You can take your time getting things back in place in the home with just a few of you there for the next week - take your time and do what you can when you can in between doing your homework and going to classes.

Definitely here for you through all this Hon - whatever you need, you have. 💐