Far and Away

I agree @Zoe7 .... just need to keep persevering, and hold the values in place as best I can ...... weather the storm.

Would love to have a cat to cuddle just now 😏

I would lend you Cat if you were here with me Hon - and I have no doubt she would love you as I do. So sending cyber cat hugs to you and some from me too @Faith-and-Hope

You can only hold the line that you believe in and let your baby dragons follow your lead in their own time. You have done what you can to instill in them those caring and compassionate values that we so readily see here - so hoping that in time they come to the surface and they stand by the same values themselves.

Their empathy extends to what mr. is trying to do @Zoe7 ..... giving them things is his way of trying to show live, but it also becomes a form of control too ..,,, very emotional terrain to try to discuss, and they get all firey and defensive too .....

Awkward. But I am glad to see empathy. And firey or not, it’s also communicatipn. So there you go .... there’s something good in it. And defending values also means thinking about them and what they mean to you, and why ...... which is part of growing up as well .....

Tiring too though ..... very tiring.

It is hard for some people to distinguish between love given naturally and that shown threw being given material things. I can see why the kids would be confused by that but as they grow older the hope would be that they can distinguish between the two and see it for what it really is - that control issue that Mr. has such a good grasp on. There is no doubt - as you know - that it is learnt behaviour from his own upbringing - but hopefully your influence on your kids will also be a determining fctor as to the kind of people they become.

...and yes growing up is tiring - for you and them

Going to head off soon Hon but wanted to stop by and send you some love and a few extra hugs tonight. I hope you have a great day at uni tomorrow and can put a little of the disharmony of the last few days behind you ...even if temporarily @Faith-and-Hope

Love ya Hon 🌹💕😘

Missed your earlier post @Zoe7 .

The kids understand the idea of giving gifts as love, guilt, empathy, manipulation, etc because they grew up witnessing it, and knowing that was not our way (mr.’s and mine) and can see that mr. has switched now into that extended family behaviour code, but they feel like rejecting that system is a rejection of their Dad’s emotional expression, which is what it has become in fact ... so the stress and contention lies in his much to accommodate it, or not.

I am so thankful that our original value system was “installed” before the switch happened ......

It must be difficult for your baby dragons to know where to draw the line as well so they don;t lientae or hurt Mr. as well in all this ..and that is as much tied up in not wanting to 'rock the boat' as it is in self preservation @Faith-and-Hope It is good that you had that value system instilled in them before the 'swicth' happened and hopefully that will continue to inform their decisions even in the face of the ways that Mr. is trying to gain their affections. You have done what you can in raisingg your kids Hon and I have no doubt that as they continue to find their way through all this themselves that the parts of them most aligned with you will come to the fore - every thing crossed tat that is the case anyway 🤞

That’s where my faith and hope are placed @Zoe7 .... and time will work out the rest. I appreciate their empathy is engaged and in there, but it also makes them bitey towards me when they are confused, challenged, or what I am doing doesn’t align with how they are trying to orchestrate things.

...and that is really tough for you to have to deal with knowing both where it is coming from and that they do infact know better @Faith-and-Hope

I could talk with you all night here Hon but I really do need to head to bed now - Toby has been out to the toilet and is back inside so we can both snuggle up in bed. He is sleeping closer to me lately - most likely that it is colder at night.

I'll try to check in in the morning before we both head off for the day but if I can't then I hope you have a wonderful day back.

Goodnight sweetheart

And I hope you have a good day back tomorrow too Hon.

Thank you so much for that attention you have lavished on me this weekend. I appreciate it more than words can say.

Goodnight @Zoe7 ..... sleep well 💚💐🌷