Far and Away

Oh no what happened @Faith-and-Hope ?

First of all he was a bit stunned, then he panicked a bit (could see that happening even though he tried to keep cool about it) then he changed the kids plans by bringjng D2 with us, saying that it would be a shame for her to miss out on coming with us, and that the kids would sleep in anyway until the time we get back.

Okay ...... that’s all doable .....

The we had a bit of a road rage incident. Someone went to turn a corner on changing lights and changed their mind, stopping. Meanwhile mr. had revved the engine and floored it to get through the lights after them, and had to slam in the brakes to avoid hitting their car when they stopped ..... then ranted for a moment, hostile about having to wait another round of lights change before he could go.

Saying anything would have caused a melt-down, whereas if I remain quiet it draws attention to the fact that he is agitated and being aggressive, which he then notices and calms down.

It’s not ideal, but there is progression in that he is noticing his aggressive behaviour if nothing is done to exacerbate it further, and taking action over himself to calm down.

Not having been out with him like this for a while though, it is clear that his general everyday systems have set in more rigidly, and he is social-training D2 to support them ..... it’s still socia training which is good for her ...... it’s more the fact that he is operating within tighter and tighter confines.

Oh Hon that is frustrating but good that you kept your cool and he could self-correct his own behaviour. It is also nice that D2 is out with you both - not exactly the alone time you need but hopefully a nice time altogether.

It is good though that you can still do these things with him - shows him how much you still care and hopefully makes him think more about how he treats you. You really are a gem Hon - so kind and thoughtful - not sure I would have done the same in your situation.

Let me know how it goes when you are finished at the coffee shop @Faith-and-Hope

I have had breakfast - and fed the fur babies some of it too They are spoilt!!! Got a load of washing on and will tackle the toys next. They are everywhere in the loungeroom - even some that live outside have been brought in by Dog - kinda miss him now he is gone though 🐶

Hiya @Former-Member How is your day shaping up?

I still love who he was @Zoe7 @and who we used to be ...... and understanding more about what we are dealing with, this was always a part of him. The problem now is that these traits are being given free reign in his life as a coping mechanism ...... or should I say, a trying-to-cope mechanism.

While they are in a functioning state, he will see no need to change them, and believes the damage that is being incurred by his relationships are a result of others not accepting his “lifestyle”.

In a way that’s true. People have always lived this way, and miss and tempers and eccentric ways of doing things were accommodated or worked around, and probably became worse as the person or people aged, making them increasingly housebound, and socially isolated. If that’s all you know of relationships, then you don’t see anything wrong with that.

I understand it, but that doesn’t make it easy to accept. In effect I am still waiting for him, hoping a change occurs in our life that brings him to treatment that can help him. It’s the eating disorder that can become life-threatening, but even that side of things may be so well managed as to take a long time to become critical. I don’t know. All I can do is walk along with him as best I can.

Hi @Former-Member 👋 💕

I hear so much live in your post @Faith-and-Hope as well as heartache

Life does indeed throw us up so many challenges and this ongoing one with Mr. has many and varied facets to it. I fully understand you hoping for the underlying issues to be seen more by others and for him to be diagnosed and treated in the hope that the 'old' Mr. comes back to you all. Hope really is all you have right now and that is hard to be sitting on the outside in so many ways looking in and wishing for things to be different.

Again and again you shows us all here what lve and hope is - just as you show us what strength and courage looks like - this is why you are my inspiration Hon and I am so grateful to know you

There are so many here who inspire me @Zoe7, yourself included ..... I don’t know how I would have kept going without my forum family. Nothing is simple ..... courage is needed by all.

Yes there are so many here that inspire me too Hon but you are right at the top of that list We do all have our own stories, experiences and ways we have coped and I have so much admiration for so many here. I do see you as someone really special I have in my life and I am sure part of that is down to how much you have supported me over so long - it is also a connection I highly value - you allowed me to trust again and that is something I will never forget @Faith-and-Hope

It’s very special for me too @Zoe7 , and to have found a kindred art lover here 🤗💕

We are lucky to have found each other @Faith-and-Hope - that is something I am grateful for each and every day as well as being part of this forum in general - so many kind and compassionate souls who truly care about each other - certainly keeps hope in my heart.