Far and Away

That is wonderful your group presentation went well @Faith-and-Hope You put a lot of work into it so not surprising it went well - you seemed to be able to work better in this group this time also and that makes it a little easier.

Yeah - not a great day for me but I'll get there. A lot to think about but I need to do that in my own time too and during the working week is not the ideal time. I am going to park it up for now and re-visit again more fully in the holidays when I have more time to give it the consideration I need to give it all. If I have any further issues over the coming week (which I hope I don't) then I can talk to the facilitator. I have seen her before when my pdoc has been away so I feel comfortable talking to her.

That’s good @Zoe7 .

I would expect that you need to consolidate the gains you have made in the last year before you can grow to take on the next step ?

My pdoc is worried about me going back into my shell and not having any connections once DBT is over but I am more concerned about continuing to get through work and build on my stamina there @Faith-and-Hope My psych has talked about me 'getting out' more and maybe joining a different group - something I am interested in - but I do really prefer being home with my fur babies. I know where that isolation comes from - am very conscious of that infact - but I am happy with that. I am protecting myself - too much hurt and too much pain to overcome - and too much distrust of people.

I understand @Zoe7 , but work is already getting you out of the house, and teaching and the school environment are both very social activities / environment. Once you are feeling properly re-established you will have more energy to look around at what you might want to add in next .....

Maybe they are both just trying to prep you for then ?

I can't say I never will want to 'get out' more in the future because I know I have taken some major steps in this last year in so many different areas ...but I still have that general mistrust of people in general and that one is a hard one for me to change @Faith-and-Hope I know it is a deep seated fear of mine going back a very long time and it will take a lot to change that - a lot of unlearning and re-learning to do and I am not feeling like I can do that right now ...too hard especially when things are going okay enough for me to get through day to day.

It is good for you settle with what is working well @Zoe7 , and feel your wings with it ....

💜

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope I can't deny the progress I have made but there are some areas I just cannot go to right now - or maybe ever - and whilst that may hold me back in some areas it is also helping me live. Life has to be what I am comfortable with otherwise I do fear that I will go back to not wanting to live at all - the more I am pushed into doing something I really do not want to do the more I know I will head down that road. Being okay with what I do have is not resigning myself to this being all I will have in my life but it is where I need to be for myself right now.

I certainly have a lot going through my mind today - and what was brought up in DBT and with the pdoc has had a pretty big affect on me. I think it is probably best I head to bed soon and finish today off in the hope that some of these thoughts can settle a bit more. Thanks for 'listening' Hon

What you said sounds very sensible to me @Zoe7 . Parking it out of the way for now can help you focus on what is going well, and just enjoy being in the moment with that.

I hope you can settle to some sleep now, having squared that away in your own mind for now. Maybe think of it as being in a in a box that you can be placed on the top shelf of a cupboard somewhere, and you choose when and if you want to pull I back down.

💚

That is what I am going to try to do tonight @Faith-and-Hope Put it in a box to be brought out later when I feel more up to it. I see my psych in 2 weeks so hoping to keep it out of the way until then and then discuss it a little with her. I also need to stand my ground with her and not be pushed too hard - I know where I am at and as I just said - it is somewhere that I am comfortable being for now.

Definitely going to head to bed now Hon - very tired both emotionally and physically tonight. Goodnight sweetheart. Will try to check in with you in the morning

@Zoe7 ❤️